


Running

by Kaye_21



Series: How Sonny and Rafael Got Their Groove Back [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: But I won't, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, I'd Tag More, Light Angst, M/M, Plot, Smut, Wedding Feels, because spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-10 00:44:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 47,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5562244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaye_21/pseuds/Kaye_21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sonny considers marriage. Among other things.</p><p>Major life decisions are made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Laugh Lines

**Author's Note:**

> The story is complete. I will be posting 1 chapter per day.
> 
> Consider this Barisi Week #2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael have dinner.

It was almost nine o’clock.

Almost.

Sonny was at his desk, catching up on paperwork, though he was paying little attention to the forms he was absentmindedly filling out. And those forms weren’t the only thing Sonny was ignoring. 

Amaro had been staring daggers at him for the past hour; namely, since Sonny had politely refused to do Nick’s paperwork on top of his own, even after Nick had so generously attempted to bribe him with a six-pack of cheap beer.

Truth be told, Nick’s surprise was understandable. Normally, Sonny would have been all over that offer. But, in that moment, Sonny had other things on his mind. Things like getting the hell out of there.

Sonny kept his eyes glued on the clock. Five more minutes. Five more minutes and Sonny could leave.

Or so he thought, until Benson came out of her office holding a case file.

“Alright guys, I need somebody to drop this off at the ADA’s office. Any takers? Carisi?”

Great.

Just what Sonny needed.

“No thanks, Lieutenant. Maybe Nick can do it.”

Amaro smirked, probably because he finally had the excuse he needed to rip on Sonny. 

“Come on, Carisi, this used to be _your_ thing. As soon as we needed to get anything to the ADA’s office, you used to jump up and run out the door. Except, you haven’t done that in a while. What gives? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t like visiting our esteemed ADA anymore.” 

Sonny winced.

He had walked right into that one.

Sonny wondered if Nick and the others would ever give it a rest. It had already been six months, and Amaro and Rollins still seemed hell-bent on messing with him, making one pointed remark after another. 

“I did the ADA runs for 5 years, Nick. But all good things must come to an end. Now it’s your turn to play errand boy.”

“Not a chance. I got my kids tonight. And Amanda had to leave early. And you know Fin’s not gonna go.”

“You got that right,” Fin said from his own desk, his jacket already on, ready to head home, without even bothering to lift his head. 

Sonny sighed as Benson approached him and dropped the folder on his desk.

“Tough luck, Carisi. Oh, and tell Rafael I said hi.”

Sonny tried to ignore Olivia’s comment as he put on his coat in a huff. 

‘Tell Rafael I said hi’. Uttered ever so casually. Like she didn’t know what she was doing. 

Sonny got to the ADA’s office in record time. But then, he was in a hurry. He figured the sooner he’d get there, the sooner he could leave. He hastily walked through the corridors, glancing at his watch as he did, and he practically brushed past the secretary’s desk, not even waiting to be properly announced.

Sonny just knocked on the door and basically barged in.

“Here’s the case file you asked for! Knock yourself out.”

“Where are your manners, Sonny? I don’t get a hello?”

“No you don’t. I’m outta here.”

“What, you’re leaving already? You just got here. And, what, I don’t get a goodnight, either? A ‘have a nice evening, counselor’?”

“Goodnight.”

“Okay, Sonny, I know you don’t want to be here right now, but you’re being a little rude, don’t you think? There’s no reason we can’t be civil.”

Sonny rolled his eyes.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Let me start over. Good evening, Miss Novak. How do you do? Here are the case files you requested. I apologize, but I’m going to have to cut this visit short. ‘Cause Ι’m friggin’ late and you’re not helping! Goodnight!”

Casey smirked.

“I bet you never ran out of this office when Barba was here.”

“No, back then I used to run _into_ this office. Will that be all, Casey? Come on, I’m really late!”

“Why did they even send you? They couldn’t send a uniformed officer? They have SVU detectives to spare?”

“You’re telling me. Look, I really gotta go, okay?”

“By all means. I wouldn’t want you to keep our Executive Assistant District Attorney waiting. Not on my account.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a little late for that.”

Casey had the gall to grin.

“Fine, go. And tell Barba that his favorite ADA says hi.”

Sonny cracked up, because Casey was pretty much Rafael’s least favorite ADA, and she knew it. 

After bidding her goodnight again, this time more genuinely, Sonny walked away at a reasonable pace. If only because he didn’t want to prove Casey right about running out of her office.

Instead, Sonny waited until he had turned the corner to the main corridor.

That was when he started running. Running and yelling for somebody to hold the elevator.

No one did.

Sonny seriously considered the possibility that every single person in the universe was on a mission to prevent him from getting to his date with Rafael on time.

It was almost twenty minutes after nine and Sonny still had ten minutes to get to the restaurant. The problem was that he needed at least fifteen. The other problem was that Rafael had said something about ‘really’ wanting to talk to Sonny and what did that even mean?

Sonny sighed as he got in his car again and started driving. Just moments later, he realized that fifteen minutes had been a very optimistic estimate. Judging by the traffic, unusual for that time of night, Sonny would need about half an hour.

Nothing seemed to be going right.

Sonny just hoped his date with Rafael would break the pattern. He hoped, but he didn’t know, because the date itself was shrouded in mystery. All Sonny knew was that Rafael had something important to tell him. He had no clue as to what.

Sonny wasn’t going to lie. He was a little concerned, and Rafael’s recent behavior wasn’t helping.

First of all, when Rafael had asked Sonny to dinner, he had been nervous. Uncharacteristically so. He had stammered a little bit, and he had even used the dreaded phrase, “We need to talk.” That was no way to invite your partner to an intimate dinner, not if you didn’t want them to freak out.

Incidentally, Sonny had freaked out. Subtly, or so he hoped. For about 2 seconds. And then Rafael had rolled his eyes and he’d given Sonny a kiss and then he had laughed in Sonny’s face, and Sonny had been left muttering that it wasn’t funny.

But the true cause for concern had been Rafael’s follow-up.

“Don’t worry, Sonny. It’s nothing terrible. Probably.”

Hilariously, Rafael had said that in an attempt to reassure Sonny. Like  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ was in any way reassuring. 

Even less reassuring had been the timing; Rafael had only informed Sonny of their evening date first thing in the morning; that same morning, almost right before they had left for work. And then Sonny had been left to stew for an entire day, trying and failing to figure out just what  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ could be referring to.

Sonny had turned to context for clues.

They were meeting at a pretty fancy restaurant, one they had never been to before, and they were a month shy of their 4-year anniversary, and things between them were going alarmingly well, and there were only so many things a dinner like that could be about. 

Sonny would be a fool not to consider the obvious.

A proposal.

Sonny wasn’t convinced this was actually Rafael’s intention. In fact, Sonny seriously doubted it, because  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ was hardly an appropriate way for someone to describe a proposal.

Even if that someone was Rafael Barba.

Right?

Still, that was definitely a possibility.

A somewhat troubling possibility.

Not because Sonny didn’t want to marry Rafael. Of course he did. He would even daydream about it, sometimes. And by ‘sometimes’ he meant ‘constantly’. It wasn’t the ‘getting married’ part that Sonny found troubling. It was the ‘Rafael proposing’ part.

Sonny just always hoped that he’d be the one to eventually propose to Rafael.

And it wasn’t just hoping, by the way. Hoping had turned into planning, a long time ago.

Sonny had a ring, and he had a half-written proposal speech, and maybe even some vows, though he would never admit that to another living soul, and he had a plan.

Sonny had a plan, and he didn’t want Rafael to ruin it by proposing on a random night at some fancy new restaurant that didn’t mean anything to them. At some random place that held no memories.

Which brought Sonny to his next point; he was the sappy one. It only made sense that he be in charge of all the grand romantic gestures. Rafael had no business proposing. He should just nod and say yes when the time came. 

After all, Rafael would be the first to admit that he wasn’t exactly cut out for the sentimental stuff. Sonny could only imagine what a proposal by Rafael Barba would sound like; unnecessarily snarky and awkwardly phrased and only accidentally romantic at best, and…

And, okay, maybe Sonny wouldn’t mind that. Maybe Sonny would kinda love it. Maybe he’d say yes. 

Fine. Sonny would totally say yes. 

Still, that didn’t change the fact that proposing was his job. They had never discussed it explicitly, but Sonny had to assume that Rafael knew that.

Also, and more realistically, Sonny had to assume that Rafael would view proposing as a total hassle. So the chances of him getting down on one knee, well, they’d have to be pretty slim.

So, assuming a proposal was out of the question, what else could  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ be about? 

In a moment of paranoia, Sonny had considered the possibility he was about to get dumped. And, just like that, he had gotten that feeling again, low in the pit of his stomach. That feeling he had last experienced after that dumb fight, almost 3 years earlier, that fight Rafael still apologized over, whenever the subject even remotely came up. 

Fortunately, that feeling had only lasted for about a split second. Rafael wasn’t going anywhere. Sonny knew that. Rafael loved him.

_Very_ much. 

Not to mention, a break-up would be  ‘something terrible, definitely,’ so that was out too. 

So what was it?

What did Rafael want to talk about?

Going back to context in search of more clues, Sonny had tried to assess the fact Rafael had insisted on choosing Sonny’s outfit for the date. His outfit for the whole day, actually, since Sonny would have no time to go home and change after work.

Perhaps even more tellingly, Rafael had also let Sonny borrow one of his own ties, and he only did that for important events, like professional dinners or anniversaries or Theresa’s wedding.

Sonny had been a little dubious of the outfit’s multipurpose nature, but Rafael had insisted the pinstripe three piece suit was “totally work-appropriate, Sonny, trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

Not so much, as it turned out. Maybe the suit would have been work-appropriate for a fashionable prosecutor, but for an NYPD detective it was decidedly over the top. Sonny had spent the entire day getting strange looks from bystanders. And witnesses. And patrol cops. Not to mention the other SVU detectives. 

That said, Fin had given Sonny an approving nod, which had felt pretty good. And Liv had smirked at him, first thing in the morning, in way which had made Sonny suspect that she knew exactly what  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ meant.

Sonny had often asked Rafael not to get too graphic when discussing their private life with Olivia, but Rafael would always say, “she’s my friend, Sonny,” like that somehow made it okay for Sonny’s boss to know every detail of his love life.

As Sonny sat in his car, moving at a glacial pace, still dishearteningly far from the restaurant, and even further from figuring out Rafael’s intentions, he momentarily considered calling Liv and asking for a hint. Just so he’d know what to expect. He didn’t, of course. He wouldn’t, if only because she would immediately tell Rafael. 

Sonny had lost count of the times he had tried to tell Rafael about his day, only for Rafael to reply, “Yeah, I know, Liv already told me.” Sonny had tried complaining, once, but Rafael had disarmingly said, “I’m just doing it to save time, Sonny. We don’t have a lot of it, if you hadn’t noticed.”

Okay, so that hadn’t been the disarming part. 

Rafael’s hands down Sonny’s pants? That had done the trick.

That, and the fact Rafael was right. They never had time to waste. Not anymore. Not for the past six months. Not since Rafael had gotten a promotion. Not since he had been appointed Executive Assistant District Attorney. Not since he had stopped working with Manhattan SVU on a daily basis. 

Not since he had stopped working with Sonny on a daily basis.

Sonny had struggled with it, at first. He was still struggling with it, if he was honest. It was strange, not working with Rafael. That was all Sonny had known as a Manhattan SVU detective. All he had known as Rafael’s boyfriend, too. 

Sure, Rafael was in charge of the Special Victims Bureau now, so he still got to try some of the major SVU cases, but in the past six months that had only meant one trial. And Sonny hadn’t even testified, so he hadn’t really worked with Rafael at all. 

Sonny exhaled. He exhaled, and he took comfort in the fact he at least got to go home to Rafael.

‘Home’.

Sonny suddenly had another thought, just as he was texting Rafael that he was going to be a little late. There  _was_ another other thing  ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ could be referring to. 

Sonny and Rafael had been talking about maybe buying a house together. 

Rafael’s apartment was big, but it wasn’t that big. Not with Sonny fully moved in. Especially not since they had converted one of the bedrooms into an office for Sonny, so that both he and Rafael could have their own space and preserve their sanity.

When all was said and done, they had basically been left without a spare bedroom, which Rafael found unacceptable, for some reason. Sonny was more the ‘I’ll crash on the couch’ type of guest, so he didn’t really have a problem with that.

Not until Rafael had mentioned Sonny’s nieces and what if they had to stay overnight and wouldn’t Sonny want to babysit them and help out Bella? Sonny had been surprised to hear that argument. Sonny hadn’t really figured Rafael for the overnight babysitter kind of guy.

Taking care of a child with Rafael.

Sonny liked that idea.

Sonny was losing his train of thought.

So, maybe Rafael had picked out a new place for them, without asking.

Sonny wouldn’t blame him if he had, since it seemed that they would never come to a mutual agreement. They’d had more than their share of arguments about it, with Sonny arguing in favor of Brooklyn and Rafael arguing in favor of the fact Sonny was an idiot. Wild horses couldn’t drag Rafael away from Manhattan, apparently.

Sonny liked Manhattan too, but he was still paying off his student loans, and his detective’s salary was pretty meager, so he felt they should move to Brooklyn because it was more affordable.

Rafael’s arguments were a little less pragmatic; he wanted to live “as far away from hipsters as possible”, and “as close to the Met as possible, Sonny, I’ve told you a million times.”

Sonny had tried to make Rafael reconsider, to no avail. Maybe Rafael had given up and picked a place by himself. Maybe that’s what he meant by  ‘nothing terrible, probably.’

The more Sonny thought about it, the more sense it made. It was sort of terrible, because Rafael had decided on his own, without consulting Sonny first. But it wasn’t that terrible, because Sonny didn’t feel that strongly about it. It didn’t matter where they lived, just that they lived together.

And, yes, Sonny was still sappy, after all those years.

After 4 years.

After 4 years with Rafael Barba. Sonny’s longest relationship, by far. Rafael’s, too. And wasn’t that something?

Sonny just hoped Rafael hadn’t signed anything yet. He hoped Rafael would at least do him the courtesy of pretending his opinion mattered.

After spending thirty long minutes in his car, Sonny finally got to the restaurant. He checked his coat and was led to a tiny table, where Rafael was already seated.

Rafael wasn’t kidding about the place. It really was fancy. For the very first time all day, Sonny didn’t feel overdressed.

Though he did feel a little underqualified. There were way too many big shots there. Sonny could recognize one of the other EADAs, a handful of Manhattan’s sleaziest – and richest – defense attorneys occupying the same corner table, several Council members, and he was pretty sure he could see a couple of State Senators, as well.

Not exactly the dinner companions Sonny was accustomed to.

Rafael got up to greet Sonny, leaning in for a kiss, but Sonny flinched away. He regretted it as soon as he did it, but he couldn’t help himself. 

Sonny was never shy with public displays of affection. If anything, at first he’d had to cajole Rafael into them. But Sonny wasn’t without his hang-ups; overly swanky restaurants, overly important people, overly expensive menus, it all just made Sonny feel a little out of place. A little constricted. A little less free to be himself.

“Jesus, Sonny, I can’t take you anywhere. You’re always like this when we go someplace more upscale. Did you tell the maître d’ you were meeting your friend from work?”

Sonny would have denied it, except Rafael was right, and Sonny felt bad enough for flinching as it was. So he just smiled.

“I’ll make out with you on this table, Rafi. If you don’t mind that two State Senators are gonna have front row seats to the show.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but his smirk seemed to suggest that he wasn’t averse to that idea at all.

Sonny really wanted to kiss that smirk, so he settled for a small peck, easy enough to pull off discreetly. He leaned over their table and, by the time he pulled back, Rafael’s smirk had turned into a smile.

“Sorry I was a little late.”

Rafael’s smile didn’t last very long.

“You call twenty minutes being _‘a little late’,_ Sonny?”

Sonny grinned.

“Well, maybe if your best friend Liv hadn’t sent me to the ADA’s office 3 minutes before I was supposed to punch out, I would’ve been here on time. Oh, and Casey says hi.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Does she? Any other messages from _Casey_ that I should know about?”

Sonny’s grin got wider.

“You’re still jealous, Rafi? ‘Cause Casey actually likes me? ‘Cause I’m thriving under a new ADA? An ADA who happens to appreciate my input?”

Rafael stared.

He always got irritated when Sonny brought up his replacement, and it never got old. Sometimes Sonny would even play up his relationship with Casey, just because he enjoyed seeing Rafael getting all wound up.

The best part was that Casey was in on it too. Whenever the three of them found themselves in Rafael’s office for a briefing, she would always go to great lengths to excessively praise Sonny for his random contributions. 

Sonny liked Casey.

Rafael did not.

“Novak has the benefit of getting your input now, after 5 years of you working SVU. I had the misfortune of getting your input after you’d been with the squad for all of 5 minutes, back when you couldn’t tell your ass from your elbow.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Deny it all you want, Rafi. You loved my input.”

Rafael actually facepalmed. Partly at Sonny’s joke, and partly at Sonny’s wiggling eyebrows, probably.

“Can’t you try keeping it classy, Sonny? Just for one night? If you’re not going to respect me, at least respect this fine establishment.”

Sonny narrowed his eyes. Rafael was still nervous.

“Right. Look, Rafi, I’m not letting you pick a fight about how I’m unrefined, just so you can get out of this conversation, whatever it is.”

Rafael smirked again, finally relaxing a little.

“Unrefined and late. Don’t forget late. You're lucky I already ordered for you. Oh, and you're way too chummy with Novak. Honestly, Sonny, it’s like you want me to pick a fight.”

Sonny smirked right back.

“You know what else I want? For you to tell me what’s got you so nervous. What is it? I’ve been racking my brain all day.”

“You have? And you still haven’t figured it out? I’m shocked, I th–”

“Ha ha. Good one, Rafi. Come on. Tell me.”

Rafael exhaled.

“Listen, Sonny. I’ve made a decision. Or, I haven’t yet. But I want to. There’s something I want to do. And it’s important. And I want to talk to you about it. And I want you to be honest with me. Okay?”

Sonny didn’t know what to make of that, so he just smiled, hoping to ease Rafael’s nerves.

“When am I ever not honest, Rafi?”

“Fair enough. Uh. Look. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. And, before you say yes, I want you to think about it too. Because it’s going to change our lives. Our life. Together.”

Whoa.

Red flag.

‘Before you say yes?’ ‘Our life together?’

Rafael really was about to propose. Sonny suddenly felt bad about the way their dinner had played out until then. Rafael sitting at their table alone for 20 minutes, a failed attempt at a kiss, Sonny bringing up Casey just to annoy Rafael, Sonny’s dumb jokes; not a single ounce of romance to be found.

Sonny tried to rectify that. Screw the audience. Sonny reached for Rafael’s hand and held it tightly.

“I don’t mind a little change, Rafi. The ‘together’ part is all that matters.”

Rafael squeezed Sonny’s hand. 

Rafael looked at him, so fondly.

It still made Sonny’s heart beat faster. Getting those looks. Those looks that seemed so foreign on Rafael’s face. Those looks that were only ever directed at him.

“Wait till you hear what I have to say first, Sonny.”

Whoa.

Red flag.

That didn’t sound like the preamble to a proposal at all. It sounded like Sonny might not like what he was about to hear.

Sonny was baffled. What could ‘change their life’ in a sort-of terrible way? Kind of? ‘Probably’? 

What if…

Sonny couldn’t believe the thought had never occurred to him. What if Rafael’s decision was not about him? What if it was a professional decision? What if Rafael had gotten a job offer? A transfer? To someplace else?

What if that was the big change? That they’d have to move? That they’d have to uproot their lives for Rafael’s career? After Sonny had finally made a home for himself at Manhattan SVU?

But then, Sonny had also found a home in Rafael.

Sure, Sonny would miss the others, and he would miss his family, his sisters, his nieces, of course he would, but he could always visit. After all, Sonny couldn’t imagine that Rafael would ever move too far from New York City. In any case, not going with Rafael was out of the question.

The ‘together’ part was all that mattered.

“You already had me worried with ‘nothing terrible, probably,’ Rafi. No need to make it worse. Just tell me.”

Rafael frowned.

“I didn’t mean to make y–”

“Rafi, come on.”

Rafael exhaled again.

“Alright. Listen. There’s something I need to ask you. And I hope you say yes, because your opinion matters to me.”

Whoa.

Red flag.

What if it was both? What if Rafael was considering a transfer and a move, and he wanted to take Sonny with him, because of course he did, and he wanted to propose, so they could move someplace new as a married couple?

‘A married couple’.

Sonny grinned at the thought.

“I know that, Rafi. Now, stop beating around the bush and tell me. Or ask me.”

It suddenly occurred to Sonny that saying ‘stop beating around the bush’ was hardly the most romantic way to encourage someone to propose, so he started softy caressing Rafael’s hand to make up for his impatience.

Rafael exhaled for a third time and squeezed Sonny’s fingers.

“Sonny, we’ve been together for almost 4 years. And I want us to stay together. No matter what. I want you to know that. I know that you know that. Just like you know that I love you. Very much. And… You make me very happy.”

Oh.

This was happening.

Sonny, for all his misgivings about Rafael proposing, still got emotional.

How could he not? This actually was romantic. For Rafael’s standards, it was positively poetic. Sonny was impressed. Maybe he had worried over nothing.

“And… And I have something to tell you.”

Sonny held his breath.

“The DA told me she’s stepping down.”

Sonny could’ve sworn he heard an actual record scratch.

“I wasn’t expecting that. Not yet. I thought she’d run for one more term. But she decided to retire. She just told me last night. And she told me that she would like for me to be her successor. That’s why she promoted me 6 months ago. She had planned this. She practically urged me to run, Sonny. She flat out told me that, should I decide to run, she would endorse me. 

“Which is huge. Now, the democratic primary is in less than 9 months. That’s not a lot of time to put together a campaign with no advance notice, not when I thought I’d be running in 4 years at the earliest, but the incumbent DA’s endorsement could make all the difference. 

“If I won the primary, thanks to her endorsement, and with the financial backing of her contributors, and on the strength of my own record, too, and utilizing my own connections, that would make me a shoo-in for the general election. I’d literally be running unopposed.

“ _If_ I won the primary. And only if you agree, Sonny. If you want me to do this. I won’t do it without you. Because I’d be running for public office. That involves a certain level of publicity, and scrutiny, and loss of privacy. And that will affect you too. So I’ll understand if you don’t w–”

“You should do it.”

Rafael raised both eyebrows.

“You should run. It’s what you’ve always wanted. And there’s no one better for the job, Rafi. I always thought so. Even when I couldn’t tell my ass from my elbow.”

Rafael didn’t react to Sonny’s joke. He still seemed surprised. Probably by the fact Sonny had agreed so readily. That was why he had been so nervous, then. He hadn’t been sure if Sonny would be okay with this. With Rafael, running. This was the big change.

Sonny was a little surprised himself. He had been disappointed, for a split second, when he had realized that Rafael wasn’t proposing, but his disappointment had been almost immediately replaced by excitement.

Rafael was going to become the new Manhattan District Attorney; and Sonny had no doubt that he would win the election, by the way. This really was what Rafael always wanted. What he deserved. What Sonny wanted  _for_ him.

“You’ve worked hard for this. For a long time. It’s not even a question. Go for it.”

Rafael gave Sonny a long look.

“You do realize that a campaign will be very time-consuming, and invasive, and stressful. And that, if I were to win, it would mean an even heavier workload. We’d be spending even more hours apart.”

Sonny had long resigned himself to that fact. It didn’t matter. Sonny wasn’t measuring his time with Rafael in hours and minutes. They were sharing their lives. 

“You’re already working long hours, Rafi. Might as well do it in a bigger office. And I’m working long hours too. It is what it is. It’s never gonna change. Not until we’re 80 and retired and living peacefully in some picturesque coastal small town.”

Rafael smiled, for the first time since his big announcement.

“Oh? Is that what we’re going to be doing when we’re 80? You’ve got it all worked out?”

“Well, when you’re 80. I’ll be a spry 67 and a half.”

Rafael kept smiling.

Sonny never took that for granted. The way he could put a smile on Rafael’s face, just by saying something silly. Sonny hoped that would never change. He hoped he’d still be able to do that, make Rafael smile, even when Rafael really was 80.

And now Sonny was picturing an 80-year-old Rafael, crankier than ever, giving new meaning to the word ‘sarcastic’, but still smiling fondly at Sonny. Always smiling fondly at Sonny. At a 67-year-old Sonny, softer in his old age, even sappier, the laugh lines on his face almost as many as the frown lines on Rafael’s.

And Sonny was getting emotional again.

Leaning over the table, Sonny gave Rafael another kiss. A longer one, this time.

Screw the audience.

Rafael kept smiling.

Sonny almost didn’t want to speak, in case Rafael stopped.

“In the meantime, you should run. I hear the DA’s pension is way better, you know?”

Rafael’s smile remained in place.

“Right. For when we’re 80.”

Sonny grinned.

“Yep. For our nest egg, Rafi.”

Rafael did stop smiling at that, but the softness in his eyes more than made up for it. Sonny was pretty sure that Rafael was starting to get emotional too, and that was no way to end their conversation.

“Anyway. You’ll run, and I’ll be there for you. Whatever you need. I want you to know that. I know that you know that I know that you kn–”

Rafael’s laughter interrupted Sonny’s little attempt at a joke. 

Rafael looked happy.

And embarrassed.

But mostly happy.

“Okay, Okay, Sonny, that’s enough of that. So, I’m running. We’re doing this.”

‘We’, Rafael said, and Sonny felt it in his chest.

“Yes.”

‘Yes,’ Sonny said, and Rafael somehow managed to look even happier.


	2. Fine Stripes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny gives Rafael fashion advice.

Rafael looked smaller.

Rafael had lost weight, noticeably, even though it had only been 2 months since their not-so-romantic dinner, and he was getting more stressed out by the day, and Sonny was getting a little worried himself. Sonny hadn’t said anything, not yet, but he was keeping an eye on the situation.

Sonny was keeping an eye on Rafael, to be precise.

And, in that moment, in their bedroom, on the morning of Rafael’s candidacy announcement, Sonny could see that Rafael’s suit was too big. The pants were way too loose around the waist, and the jacket almost looked boxy, and Sonny really felt like pointing that out, but he didn’t want to add to Rafael’s anxiety.

Rafael had picked out the suit 2 months earlier, practically 5 minutes after deciding he was officially running. Sonny had even joked that selecting an outfit had been the first official act of Rafael’s campaign.

Back then, the suit fit Rafael like a glove.

Sonny sighed.

Sonny sighed, and watched as Rafael attempted to put the finishing touches to his outfit. Namely, as Rafael attempted to choose a tie. He had left that decision for ‘later’, not wanting to limit his options. Except ‘later’ had become ‘the last possible minute’.

Rafael only had a few hours before he was supposed to announce his candidacy on the steps of City Hall, and he was still trying to decide between three ties. He had been at it for almost 35 minutes, or the amount of time it had taken Sonny to shower, do his hair and get dressed.

The tie wasn’t the real issue, of course. Rafael was tense. Had been, all morning. All night, too. He’d spent it twisting and turning, only settling when Sonny had practically spooned him to keep him still.

It was obvious that Rafael’s nerves had taken over. Almost completely. Which was understandable; Rafael had a big day ahead of him, a huge announcement to make, in front of a lot of people. Still, Sonny couldn’t stand watching Rafael in agony, so he decided to help.

And the best way to help would be by distracting Rafael.

Sonny was always good at that.

“Where’s that dark red tie? That’s the one you should wear. It looks great on you.”

“First of all, Sonny, that’s called wine red. Secondly, I must have misheard. You couldn’t have possibly attempted to give me fashion advice.”

There he was. Snarky as ever. Sonny’s plan was working already.

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Rafi. I just attempted to give you a compliment. And I guess I failed.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, but he did crack a smile.

“I can’t wear red, Sonny. It’s too loud. And too Republican.”

“Yeah? Your campaign manager tell you that? You take _his_ fashion advice?”

Rafael stared.

Sonny immediately wished he could take that back. He was trying to calm Rafael down, not add to his concerns.

Okay, so Sonny hated Rafael’s campaign manager. And Sonny never hated anyone. But this guy was all high and mighty, and he acted like he was Rafael’s confidant, and he was always dismissive of anything Sonny had to say.

“He’s the best at h–”

“He’s the best at his job, and he handled the DA’s last two campaigns, and she recommended him. Yeah Rafi, I know. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. Now come on, pick a tie and let’s go. I don’t wanna be late.”

“You go on ahead, Sonny. I still need a few minutes.”

That wasn’t good.

Rafael was still standing in front of the mirror, frowning, somehow not even noticing that his suit was at least a size too small. Sonny found that alarming. All of Rafael’s suits were tailored, it was extremely unlike him not to notice something like a poor fit.

Also alarming was the fact Rafael was holding up even more ties now, still trying to decide, and Sonny was pretty sure that two of them were the exact same shade of blue, the only difference being the width of their stripes.

At least that last part was extremely  _like_ Rafael. 

Sonny kept watching as Rafael’s frown deepened, probably unconsciously; as Rafael’s hands started clutching the ties a little too aggressively. Sonny kept watching as Rafael’s movements started getting fidgety.

Sonny didn’t think he had ever seen Rafael so nervous.

He couldn’t leave for work. Not yet. Not when Rafael was in dire need of reassurance. Sonny was sure the Lieutenant would understand if he was a little late coming in, considering the circumstances.

“Not to rain on your parade, Rafi, but you do realize that nobody is gonna watch this, right? You’ll be a sound bite. It doesn’t matter which tie you pick. Today is just a formality.”

Rafael actually glared at Sonny.

That had clearly been the wrong thing to say. Downplaying the importance of the day had done nothing to ease Rafael’s nerves.

Time for plan B.

Physical contact, with a side of flattery.

Sonny stepped closer; he stepped right behind Rafael, and he wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist. Sonny’s hands went straight for Rafael’s belly, instinctively, even though there was barely anything there anymore.

Rafael was still tense. Even as he exhaled deeply. Even as he leaned back, as he leaned on Sonny. Even as he let Sonny nuzzle his neck.

It was such a strange feeling. It was almost unsettling. Rafael never felt tense when he was in Sonny’s arms. Under normal circumstances, all Sonny had to do was give Rafael a hug and Rafael would melt into him.

Okay, fine. Rafael would scoff and pretend he didn’t need a hug, then he’d say something sarcastic, and  _then_ he would melt into Sonny.

Not this time.

This time, Rafael remained rigid. Tightly wound. Sonny almost wanted to shake him until he loosened up, but Rafael would probably complain about Sonny wrinkling his suit and he’d get even more anxious.

Sonny kissed Rafael’s neck, instead, and Rafael tilted his head to give Sonny more skin to kiss. Sonny did. Sonny placed one more kiss on Rafael’s smooth, freshly shaven skin, and then another, and then he spoke.

“You look hot when you’re standing on steps.”

Rafael’s nervous frown was replaced by another, more relaxed frown. Sonny’s favorite frown, in fact. The ‘what the hell are you talking about, Sonny?’ frown. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Sonny?”

Sonny grinned and kissed Rafael’s neck one more time.

“Steps. You look good on them. I always thought so. Before we got together, I used to watch you, after every trial, when you talked to the press.”

“You did?”

Another kiss, on Rafael’s jaw.

“Yeah. After every single trial, I would watch you swaggering down the steps of the courthouse, like the cameras were already on you. I’d watch you talking to the reporters, and you’d have them eating out of the palm of your hand, every time, like it was the easiest thing in the world. I’d watch you, and I’d think to myself that you looked really hot.”

The more Sonny spoke, the more he nuzzled Rafael’s neck, the more he could feel the tension leaving Rafael’s body.

“You just watched? You weren’t listening to my edifying comments? You might’ve learned something, Sonny.”

Sonny smiled and squeezed Rafael closer to him, caught Rafael’s skin between his teeth just for a second.

“Nah. Didn’t care. I just wanted to look at you.”

“You did?”

Another kiss, behind Rafael’s ear.

“Still do.”

Rafael turned around and faced Sonny. His frown was completely gone. It had been replaced by a smile, which Sonny was pretty sure was originally supposed to be a smirk, except Rafael was feeling sappy, apparently.

“I love you, Sonny.”

Yep. Totally sappy.

“I love you too, Rafi. You’re gonna do great today. And I’ll be there. Looking at you. Thinking you’re hot.”

“Not listening.”

And there was that smirk. Finally, Rafael looked like himself.

“Not listening, yeah, can’t forget that one. I’m not gonna listen to a word you say.”

Rafael kissed Sonny. Deeply.

Sonny squeezed Rafael even tighter, held him even closer, until Rafael’s breath finally evened out.

When Sonny pulled away, Rafael looked dazed.

Happy.

Mission accomplished.

“You’re gonna be late, Sonny. Go. I’ll see you at the announcement.”

Safe in the knowledge that Rafael was finally in a good mood, Sonny reached for his coat, ready to leave. But before Sonny could grab the coat, Rafael grabbed his hand.

“Wait. Which tie?”

Wow. Rafael was in a  _great_ mood. He never let Sonny pick out his outfits. 

For obvious reasons.

Smiling, Sonny picked one of the two near-identical blue ties, the one with the finer stripes. Rafael tried to take it, but Sonny didn’t let him.

Instead, Sonny turned Rafael’s body around by the shoulders, until they were both facing the mirror again. Sonny placed the tie around Rafael’s neck, and he reached until his arms had enveloped Rafael’s entire body.

Sonny always got a kick out of their height difference. He loved the fact he could just spread his arms and embrace Rafael so fully. Cover Rafael, so completely.

Still smiling, Sonny leaned over Rafael’s shoulder and started tying the tie with extreme diligence.

Rafael smirked as he watched Sonny at work, his eyes meeting Sonny’s through the mirror.

“You look like a fifth grader doing his math homework, Sonny. It’s just a tie. You don’t have to concentrate that hard.”

Sonny cracked up.

“Yeah I do. I wanna do a good job. I don’t want you to undo the knot 5 seconds after I leave so you can redo it yourself.”

To his credit, Rafael didn’t even try to deny that Sonny was right. He just smiled and leaned back against Sonny’s chest, letting Sonny work on his tie, waiting patiently until Sonny was done.

“There.”

_There,_ Sonny said, and he kissed Rafael on the cheek. 

If Sonny was honest, his knot could maybe use some work.

But Rafael didn’t seem to think so. He didn’t adjust the tie at all, he didn’t even touch it. He just turned around again and touched Sonny’s face; he just gave Sonny another smile, and another kiss.

Sonny left for work with his mind at ease.

~ ~ ~

“Ready for the big day, Carisi?”

Sonny looked up to see Fin smiling.

Everyone was smiling, actually. It seemed like the entire precinct was just as excited over Rafael’s upcoming announcement as Sonny himself; he had been getting congratulatory comments and pats on the back all day, even from people who had practically never spoken to him before.

Diplomatic handshakes aside, Sonny could tell there was a sense that one of their own was about to make it big; a certain sense of pride over Rafael’s upcoming endeavor. After all, Rafael had worked closely with Manhattan SVU, for many years. It was only natural that people were excited for him. Rooting for him.

But, if Sonny was honest, he couldn’t help feeling like people were excited for him too, which was pretty heartwarming stuff. Sonny had been with the squad for 5 years himself, and he’d made many friends, and he’d become a legitimate member of the Manhattan SVU family. 

The old Sonny, the brash, inexperienced, know-it-all Sonny, never would have thought it possible. The old Sonny used to count down the days until his next transfer, either by his own choice or by that of his superiors. The old Sonny used to think he’d just get bounced around indefinitely. The old Sonny never thought he’d feel so accepted. So at home.

Not until Rafael had given him a reason to stay. Not until Rafael had convinced him, using pointed insults, and cocky smirks, and backhanded compliments, at least at first, and then using genuine compliments, and fond smiles, and random touches, and kiss–

“Never mind Fin, he can’t hear you. He’s probably daydreaming about Barba getting elected Governor of New York.”

Amanda’s voice cut through Sonny’s… well, daydreams. She did have a point about that, though Sonny’s actual daydreams were apparently a lot more modest. 

Or, at least, they were immodest in a different way.

“One step at a time, Rollins. And you better all vote for him, he’s holding me personally responsible if he doesn’t win.”

“Really? I’m changing my vote.”

“Oh, is that how it is, Amanda? Fine, so long as you know I’m ratting you out.”

“While you're at it, Carisi, tell Barba I’m definitely voting for him when he runs for Governor. I wanna see you become First Gentleman of New York.”

Sonny wanted to come up with a witty response, he really did, but he was too busy laughing.

“Okay guys, enough chit-chat. Carisi, let’s go. Can’t be late.”

Sonny was too busy laughing, or else he would have noticed Olivia walking up behind his desk. She had totally heard that ‘First Gentleman’ joke. And she was totally going to tell Rafael.

With a sigh, Sonny got up. He and the Lieutenant were going to attend the announcement as Manhattan SVU emissaries, to show their support for Rafael’s nomination. That was the official story, at least.

The truth was, Rafael needed them there. Sonny, of course, but Olivia too. Sonny had overheard Rafael during one of his countless phone calls with Liv, practically begging her to come. Saying he needed all the friendly faces he could get. Sonny couldn’t argue with that.

It was a short ride to City Hall, and Sonny figured that would help with the awkwardness. Not that he was awkward around Liv, not anymore. Only the first few weeks had been weird, the first few weeks after Olivia had found out about him and Rafael.

Rafael had gotten the brunt of it, because Olivia had felt a little betrayed over being left out of the loop, but Sonny had experienced uncertainty as well, wondering how to act around her. One thing was for sure; Sonny had no intention of talking about his love life to his own boss. Fortunately, it seemed the same applied to Liv.

Sonny and his Lieutenant were just that. They had their own dynamic at work, and they had even gotten friendly over the years, especially because Tucker, Liv’s on-again off-again partner, had a soft spot for Sonny, but Olivia still got all her gossip straight from Rafael. 

Hopefully, that would not change in the next few minutes. Sure, it would be kind of hard to ignore the fact Sonny was about to watch his boyfriend make a major political announcement, but Sonny would bet that Olivia could ignore it if she really tried.

“So, First Gentleman of New York, huh?”

Olivia was not trying at all.

Sonny looked at her out of the corner of his eye. He sincerely hoped that she was just repeating the joke to tease him, and not to start a conversation.

“Yeah, well, you know Rollins. Always busting my chops.”

Olivia smiled.

“You know, before you do become First Gentleman of New York, there’s something else that needs to happen first.”

Oh. She was just adding to Amanda’s joke, pointing out the absurdity. Sonny was fine with that.

“Right? There’s a _lot_ that needs to happen first. Like hell freezing over. Rafi’s stressed enough as it is, running for a post the general public doesn’t give a crap about. Something tells me he won’t be itching to run for Governor anytime soon.”

Olivia kept smiling.

“Yes… But that’s not what I was talking about.”

“It’s not?”

“No. You do know that only the spouses of the Governors get the title, right?”

Sonny froze. Or so he thought. Frankly, Sonny wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but it was probably something hilarious because Olivia started flat-out laughing.

“Relax, Carisi. I’m just making conversation. He didn’t make me ask you.”

Sonny idly wondered what type of injuries he would incur if he jumped out of a moving car.

“Ask me what?”

Yes. Playing dumb. Solid strategy.

Except not really, because Olivia was now smirking.

The car wasn’t even going that fast. How bad could it hurt? Sonny slowed down a little more, just in case.

“Listen, Carisi. I know you and I have never really talked about this. About you and Rafael.”

Sonny really wanted to say, ‘Why start now?’

He did not. Instead, he went for a joke.

“Oh. I just assumed there was nothing left to talk about, ‘cause Rafael already tells you everything.”

Olivia laughed again, but Sonny could tell that she was serious about having this talk. She clearly had something to say, and sh–

“You’re good for him.”

Sonny turned his head to face Olivia, making eye contact for the first time since they had gotten in the car.

“I just wanted to say that. To you. I must have said it to Rafael a million times, in the past 4 years, but I’ve never told you to your face. You’re good for him.”

Liv looked… Well, she looked like she always did. Supportive and warm and authoritative. Sonny trusted her. Sonny took her at her word. Always. If Olivia thought he was good for Rafael, then it was true. Simple as that.

Never mind that Sonny already knew that, and how could he not? Hearing it from Liv made it even more real, somehow.

“And you’re right, Rafael does tell me everything. But I don’t know how much he tells you.”

Sonny narrowed his eyes. Was Olivia suggesting there was something Rafael wasn’t telling him?

“I don’t know if he tells you that you’re what keeps him going. Especially now. Especially in these last 2 months, since he decided to run. You know, I’ve been trying to get him to come out for a drink, just to unwind, for over a month now. But he’s always turning me down. 

“He’s always telling me, ‘I can’t Liv, I gotta get home to Sonny’. He’s always saying how he has to see you, because he doesn’t see you enough.”

Oh.

Rafael had never mentioned that. Rafael had never said anything about a night out. Not in a while. For the past 2 months, he would only go out to ‘network’ or clandestinely meet with potential contributors. 

The rest of his downtime, Rafael would spend at home. Sleeping, mostly. Usually in bed, with an arm thrown over Sonny’s stomach, or with his face pressed against Sonny’s chest, and sometimes on the couch, with his head on Sonny’s lap and his hand clutching Sonny’s knee, as Sonny tried not to wake him up, because Rafael needed all the rest he could g–

And Olivia was looking at him funny.

Sonny abruptly remembered that he was mid-conversation with his lieutenant.

Frankly, Sonny wasn’t sure what to say. He wasn’t used to this type of conversation with Liv. Normally she would just feign obliviousness, probably to save Sonny the embarrassment. But this?

Sonny didn’t know where this was coming from, and he didn’t know how to react.

Unsurprisingly, he opted for another joke. It was all he could think to do, other than getting stupidly emotional because he had basically gotten Olivia’s blessing. 

But what kind of joke?

Something vague, he decided. Something casual. More than anything, Sonny wanted to keep his cool. He didn’t want to say too much and possibly overstep. Liv was Rafael’s friend, not his. She was his boss. Sonny didn’t want to overshare.

“Don’t take it personally, Lieutenant. He’s asleep as soon as he walks through the door. He probably doesn’t want to fall asleep on you at the bar.”

Olivia smiled.

“Right. Listen, I’ve known Rafael a little longer than I’ve known you and, if I’m honest, you are kind of an acquired taste…”

Alright, teasing. This was more like it.

“Thanks a lot, Lieu! Don’t spare my feelings or nothing.”

“You _are_ an acquired taste, but Rafael loves you. And I’m sure you know that very well, because you’ve put up with him for 4 years now, but he’s not the most open guy when it comes to his feelings.”

Sonny barely held in a snort, too curious to hear where Olivia was going with this.

“What I’m saying is, it might seem like Rafael doesn’t want more, but he does.”

More?

“More?”

“More. The whole nine yards. The white picket fence. Don’t make me say it, Carisi.”

Oh.

_More._

Sonny, again, had no idea how to react. This was not the conversation he thought he’d be having with his Lieutenant on the way to a somewhat major political event.

“Um.”

Um. That about summed it up for Sonny.

“I’m just saying. Myself, I’ve never really been a fan of the idea. Too constricting. But Rafael, he’s a different story. He likes the commitment. He wants it. I’m sure you know that too, a lot better than me.

“I just I hope you’re not waiting for a grand gesture. Hell, I hope you’re not waiting for Rafael to ask at all. I don’t think that’s in the realm of possibility, not right now, not with the way he’s so caught up in this campaign. Not to mention, I’m not even sure he would know _how_ to ask.”

Sonny nodded. Olivia was essentially voicing his own thoughts, which gave him a strange sense of validation.

“But just because Rafael won’t ask, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want… I hope you don’t have any doubts, Carisi. About what he wants. Or about how he feels. I hope you’re not insecure about any of that, because you have no reason to be.

“Rafael has told me a few things about you. About how you felt, early on. At the precinct. You and I have never really talked about that, either.”

Sonny’s eyes widened. This was yet another conversation he never thought he’d be having with Liv. Not in a million years.

“I didn’t…”

“Don’t worry. It’s fine. Though I do wish you had talked to me, back then. Maybe I’d have paid more attention. Treated you a little better.”

“You were the only one who treated me well, Lieu. From the start. You wanted me to learn. Maybe you weren’t all soft and cuddly, but I didn’t want to be coddled anyway. You were great. Best boss I could’ve asked for. Now, the others? Sorry to say, but Amaro could’ve used a talking to, back then. Amanda, too.”

For a moment, Sonny worried that Liv might find his joke a little inappropriate, so he was relieved to see her grinning.

“Be that as it may, Carisi, I’m glad you did talk to someone. Barba wouldn’t have been my first choice for emotional support, but I’m glad it worked out for you.” 

Sonny’s grin now matched Olivia’s.

“Obviously whatever Rafael said helped you. And you, Carisi, you really stepped up. You’re a different person now. A true asset to the squad. You’re part of the family.”

Sonny blinked. 

So much for not getting stupidly emotional. 

“And Rafael, he’s a different person too. He’s happy. Because of you. You guys are good together. It’s all he talks about, some days.

“He’s always asking me about you. Ever since his promotion, ever since he stopped working with us fulltime, he’s always asking me how you’re doing. Sometimes I think that’s the only reason he calls me so often. So I’d hate to think that you don’t kn–”

“I got a ring.”

Olivia seemed startled. Sonny was startled too.

So much for not oversharing.

“You did.”

“I did. Almost a year ago. My sister’s holding on to it for me. I’ll ask. I’ll ask him. Don’t worry.”

“Who said I was worried, Carisi? Like I said, I’m just making conversation.”

Olivia’s smirk betrayed her little lie. She was worried. She was trying to make sure that her friend would get what he wanted. That her friend would be happy. It was actually pretty touching, though Sonny chose not to point that out.

It was strange, telling Liv about the ring. Telling another person. A person he wasn’t related to, anyway, because obviously his entire family knew. As if he could keep a secret from his sisters. His sisters who, by the way, had literally fought over who’d get to hold on to the ring for safekeeping, so that Rafael wouldn’t accidentally find it. 

Theresa had won, obviously. Seniority and all.

Sonny wasn’t even sure why he had told Liv about the ring in the first place. Except maybe to put pressure on himself; to make sure he wouldn’t wait another year before asking.

The remainder of the ride was spent in silence. Sonny didn’t want to talk and risk blurting out anything else, and he supposed Olivia had already said her piece.

But, as they finally pulled up in front of City Hall, Sonny realized there was one last thing he wanted to say.

“Uh, Lieutenant, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell Rafael about this. About our conversation. Or, you know, about the ring. I know that’s a lot to ask, ‘cause you literally tell him everything, no offense, but–”

Liv chuckled.

“None taken, Carisi. I won’t tell him. But you should. Don’t wait too long, okay?”

Sonny nodded.

“Okay. I won’t. Thanks, Lieu.”

Olivia gave Sonny one last smirk, no doubt because she found his awkwardness amusing.

“You’re welcome. Now go. But come find me for the announcement. We’re representing Manhattan SVU, we have to stick together. And tell Rafael I said good luck, even though he won’t be needing it.”

Sonny didn’t ask how Olivia knew that he was planning to go find Rafael for a last minute pep talk. It was probably pretty obvious. Sonny was probably pretty obvious. 

Sonny just smiled and watched Liv, as she left to join the already gathering crowd.

~ ~ ~

It took a minute, but Sonny eventually made his way to the office Rafael’s campaign was temporarily using. The Mayor had actually called Rafael directly, to graciously offer the space and to ‘chat’, which was apparently a huge deal because it suggested that the Mayor was close to endorsing Rafael.

To Sonny, that was a given. Both because Rafael deserved it, and because the Mayor was a huge supporter of the incumbent District Attorney.

Speaking of, the DA was actually inside the office with Rafael, as a young campaign volunteer excitedly told Sonny.

It was fun seeing so many kids get so enthusiastic about the election. It hadn’t been that long since Sonny himself had been an eager, if not overeager, college student, so he understood the sentiment.

Also fun? Seeing all these kids practically fawning over “Mr. Barba”.

Sonny understood that sentiment too.

All too well.

Sonny waited for a couple of minutes, because he didn’t want to interrupt Rafael’s meeting with the DA, but the clock was ticking. Sonny really wanted to see Rafael before the announcement, even for a moment, so he knocked on the door as gently as he could.

He heard Rafael’s voice beckoning him inside, and he entered only to be met with a broad smile and a frown.

The frown belonged to Rafael.

“Detective Carisi! Good to see you again! Are you excited for Rafael’s big moment?”

“Yes, Ma’am. We all are. Rafael will be stepping into some pretty big shoes. Hopefully.”

The District Attorney’s smile got even wider, and Sonny smiled back. She always did like him.

“Fingers crossed, detective. I’ll leave you two alone. Rafael, good luck.”

The DA left the office, but Rafael’s frown didn’t leave with her. Sonny had initially assumed Rafael had been annoyed by the interruption, but now he could see that Rafael was getting nervous again. Sonny needed to say something fas–

“How do you do it, Sonny? She’s even scarier than my mom. How does she like you that much?”

Sonny laughed. Alright. Rafael wasn’t  _that_ nervous. Not if he could crack jokes.

“I’ve been told that I have a way with scary people, Rafi.”

Rafael smirked.

“I mean, I didn’t wanna tell you this, but I’m pretty sure she’s only endorsing you because of m–”

Another knock on the door interrupted Sonny. It was still too early for the announcement, so this could only mean one thing.

It was  _him._

“Rafael, are you r… Oh, Sonny. Hi. What a nice surprise!”

Yeah right.

Rafael’s campaign manager was a terrible liar.

“It’s nice of you to come out and support Rafael, but it’s almost time. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait outside with the rest of the crowd.”

Now that? That was honest.

‘Nice of you to support Rafael’. ‘Go with the rest of the crowd’. ‘Where you belong’ was implied, of course. Heavily. As if Sonny were just any random voter. A nobody.

Sonny exhaled and decided to hold his tongue. It wasn’t worth it. Not mere minutes before Rafael’s announcement. Sonny just nodded at Rafael and turned to leave. He supposed spending 30 seconds with Rafael would have to suffice.

“Will you give us a minute, Timothy?”

Oh.

Apparently, Rafael didn’t think that 30 seconds were enough.

“I’m sorry, but you really don’t have time for this, Rafael. We need to do some last minute prep–”

“I said, will you give us a minute?”

Ooh. Rafael was getting feisty.

Sonny would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying the irritated expression on Timothy’s  _– ‘don’t call me Tim’ –_ face. 

“Fine. You have two minutes.”

Rafael stared.

Sonny enjoyed this expression even more; it was a glare mixed with a hefty dose of condescension and a touch of sarcastic disbelief.

Timothy left, looking even more irritated. Sonny couldn’t believe the guy hadn’t learned Rafael’s pet peeves yet. Wasn’t that his job? Knowing stuff like that? Knowing that Rafael hated being rushed?

“That guy is the worst, Rafi. And he hates me.”

“Who cares about him? Forget it. Just come here for a second.”

On any other day, this would be the part where Sonny would tease Rafael. Where he’d say something like, ‘if you need a hug, all you gotta do is ask.’

But this was not a day for teasing.

Sonny just stepped closer and spread his arms until Rafael practically collided with his chest. Sonny just squeezed, gently, and he kissed Rafael’s temple.

Rafael exhaled and squeezed back a little harder.

“You’re gonna do great, Rafi. You got mad when I told you this morning, but it’s true. This announcement is just a formality. You just gotta look good. Which you do, by the way. What really counts is that you’re the best person for the job. That’s why you’re gonna win. Not because of your tie.”

“Which you picked.”

Sonny grinned.

“Your tie, which I picked. And tied, with my own two hands. So you can blame me if people hate it.”

Rafael chuckled against Sonny’s neck before pulling away and adjusting the tie in question, probably subconsciously.

“I’m not nervous about the tie, Sonny. I also have to speak. I’ll be heard. Judged. By the general public. And this isn’t a courtroom, or a conference. I can’t bank on my reputation, or my legal skills. This is about personality. Mass appeal.

“These people, the voters, they don’t know me. This first impression, it’s everything. Today _has_ to go well. I can’t afford to fail.”

That was actually a valid fear. Sonny realized he had to step up his game. Cheering Rafael up was easy when he was just feeling antsy in general, but this? This legitimate concern?

This would require finesse.

Sonny decided to start talking, cautiously, and to also keep a close eye on Rafael’s expression, so he could adjust his pep talk accordingly as he went.

“You’re not gonna fail, Rafi. Come on. Somebody sees you for the first time, they’re gonna think you’re handsome, and young, and, like, pleasant, and charming, and well-spoken, and fashionable.”

Rafael seemed flattered, if a little skeptical. Sonny figured he was off to a good start.

“Really? That was your first impression of me?”

Sonny bit his lip.

“Uh. Sure. Well, maybe not the young part. You’re only young compared to the last two DAs who first ran for office when they were, like, 62.”

“Right. But the rest, that’s what you thought of me when we first met. Charming. _Pleasant.”_

Sonny was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a straight face.

“I mean, but I did think you were handsome. And fashionable.”

“Uh-huh. And opinionated, and sarcastic, and condescending, and an asshole.”

“No, Rafi, come o–”

Rafael’s sarcastic and condescending left eyebrow stopped Sonny in his tracks, before he could spout off another lie.

“Okay, but you were _trying_ to be a sarcastic asshole when we first met. Today you’ll be trying to be charming and pleasant. Problem solved.”

“I _am_ a sarcastic asshole, Sonny. There’s a good chance people are going to see that. See through my attempts to be _‘charming’._ The voters might hate me. I’m not exactly likeable.”

“ _I_ like you, Rafi.”

Rafael laughed. Sonny thought that was a good sign.

“Well, that’s one vote.”

“No, come on. Just act like you’re mingling at the Met during intermission. Or like you’re at one of those fancy parties you’re always dragging me to. You don’t care about any of those people, but you’re pretty convincing when we’re there. Just act like that. Like you’re interested. Be all polite and engaging. Just less hoighty-toighty, ‘cause this is New York. You gotta get the blue-collar vote.”

Rafael looked like he was actually considering that.

“That’s not a bad idea, actually. I should fire Timothy and hire you to run my campaign.”

If only.

Sonny smiled and gave Rafael another kiss, this time on the lips. He tried to keep it brief, because they really had no time, but Rafael’s hands instantly went around his neck.

“Okay, Rafi, I gotta g-

“Not yet.”

‘Not yet,’ Rafael whispered, and kept kissing him.

Sonny couldn’t say no to that. He could only wrap his arms around Rafael’s waist and wait until Rafael said it was okay to let go.

Which Rafael showed no intention of doing.

Rafael just kept kissing him, slowly, and the kiss started getting a little heated, and Sonny wasn’t sure this was the best time for them to be making out, but he wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity.

Sonny regretted that decision as soon as he felt one of Rafael’s hands on his ass.

It was definitely not the best time for  _that._

Sonny still didn’t pull away, of course. But he did admonish Rafael for acting so inappropriately. In his head. In reality, Sonny just started grinding against Rafael’s–

“No, no, no.”

Oops.

Sonny took a step back and tried not to laugh as Rafael looked at him incredulously.

“What?”

“Look what you did, Sonny.”

Okay, so Rafael was hard. More like half-hard. It wasn’t so bad.

“That’s not so bad. You can barely see i–”

Rafael’s deadpan stare was the last straw. Sonny started snickering, unable to contain himself.

“Very mature, Sonny. Now what am I supposed to do with this?”

“I can take care of it for you.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t think we have the time for that. Considering I’m supposed to be out there in, oh, 7 minutes.”

“Don’t underestimate me, Rafi. And don’t overestimate yourself.”

If Rafael were to narrow his eyes any more, they’d close.

Sonny kept snickering as Rafael unsuccessfully tried to adjust himself.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work, Rafi.”

“This is all your fault.”

It really wasn’t, but Sonny wasn’t about to argue. 

“So let me fix it.”

Rafael glanced at his watch, and then at the door, and then at Sonny. He looked equal parts irritated, turned on and resigned.

Sonny quickly locked the door, before Rafael could change his mind.

“Was this your plan all along, Sonny? To get my mind off the announcement?”

This was actually  _way_ beyond Sonny’s plan. Sonny’s plan had mostly involved hugs and kisses.

Sonny kept that to himself.

“Maybe. Is it working?”

Rafael seemed like he appreciated Sonny’s moxie, if not Sonny’s hand on his zipper.

“No.”

Sonny snorted and then he kissed Rafael’s neck, he put his arm around Rafael’s waist, he started pulling Rafael’s zipper down, he heard a knock on the door.

Wait.

“Rafi? Are you ready?”

Lucia.

Sonny removed his hand from Rafael’s crotch at supersonic speed.

Lucia actually tried the door handle, and Rafael jumped at the sound. He was on edge again.

Sonny lamented the interruption, and not just for the obvious reason. He had come so close to getting Rafael to relax completely, and Lucia had undone all his progress before she had even set foot in the room.

Sonny needed to say something to break the tension again.

“Good news is, we no longer have to worry about your boner.”

Rafael facepalmed, but he also laughed.

Sonny unlocked the door, momentarily wondering if Lucia would guess what she had interrupted. What she had almost walked in on.

If she did, she kept it to herself.

“Sonny! Hi! Is everything ready? Rafi? You have your speech prepared? Any last minute edits? You want to go over it one last time? You really should have gotten your haircut a few days earlier, your hair is still a little too short. And is that the tie you’re going with? I’m not sure about the stripes.”

Sonny sighed.

Lucia meant well, she always did. And Sonny knew that she was very excited about her son. She was practically more excited than Sonny himself, which was pretty impressive. Unfortunately, her excitement was expressed in bursts of nervous energy, which only served to make Rafael more agitat–

“Actually, mom, Sonny picked the tie.”

“Oh. That’s sweet. Okay then. You should wear it. It’s nice. I like it.”

Sonny tried to keep a straight face as Rafael shot him a knowing side-eye. Lucia had only disparaged the tie because she thought Rafael had picked it. This was their little game. Mother and son, trying to out-sneer each other. 

They always left Sonny out of it, though. They probably thought of him as an innocent bystander. That was Sonny’s theory, anyway. Rafael’s somewhat resentful theory was that Lucia liked Sonny too much to actually insult him in any way.

“Thanks, mom. I appreciate the vote of confidence. Now, I have to go. I’ll see you both after the announcement, okay?”

Lucia caressed Rafael’s cheek, like she always did.

“I’m very proud of you, Rafi. I always have been.”

Rafael smiled at his mother. Warmly.

Maybe Lucia’s presence could do some good after all.

“You’re just a little more proud now that I might become the next Manhattan District Attorney.”

Lucia smirked. She looked just like Rafael when she smirked.

“This is a great accomplishment, Rafi. Of course it makes me even more proud. And your abuela, she would have been proud too. Sonny, you never met her, did you?”

Sonny glanced at Rafael, ready to change the subject.

“No, I never did.”

“That’s too bad. She would have loved you.”

Sonny smiled at Lucia, touched by her kind words, but he kept glancing at Rafael. This was not the time to bring up such an emotional top-

“She really would have. That’s what I always tell him.”

Oh.

Rafael was smiling at Sonny, this time.

Warmly.

Rafael didn’t mind talking about it. About his grandmother. Not anymore.

Sonny smiled back.

Rafael exhaled deeply, he kissed his mother, and then he pulled Sonny in for a small kiss as well. Just then, just in time, an aide came and whisked him away.

“His suit is too big on him.”

Sonny looked at Lucia. Of course she had noticed.

“Yeah, but they’re just going to shoot him from the chest up. It won’t look that bad.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about, Sonny.”

Sonny nodded.

“I know. He’s been a little stressed. Eating is not one of his priorities right now.”

“He’s always been like that. I remember when he was in law school. It was coffee, coffee and coffee. All day. I had to call him to remind him to eat.”

Sonny knew that feeling.

“Yeah. I call him too, or I try to bring him lunch, whenever I can. I really think today is gonna help, though. He’s only been campaigning behind closed doors so far. Now that he’s going to officially announce that he’s running, that should ease some of his nerves.”

Lucia didn’t look like she believed that any more than Sonny did, but she nodded all the same.

“Hopefully.”

“Hopefully.”

It was almost time, so Sonny led Lucia outside. A sizeable crowd had already gathered, and a veritable gaggle of reporters were waiting for the big announcement, cameras already running, microphones already set up. Sonny discreetly steered Lucia toward the spot Rafael would eventually stand in, and then he took his place next to Olivia. 

Not a minute later, Rafael came out of the building. His nerves seemed totally gone. He was smiling, and he shook a few hands, and he even joked with the reporters as they all got ready to record his statement. 

Liv nudged Sonny.

“He’s a natural, huh?”

He really was.

Indeed, like a natural politician, Rafael swaggered down the first few steps, all eyes on him, until he hit his mark. Sonny felt like he was back on his first days at Manhattan SVU. Sonny felt like that infatuated detective again, watching the object of his affection obliterate the defense’s tactics after a brilliant win.

Except this time, Rafael knew Sonny was watching.

This time, Rafael made eye contact. Just for a moment, Rafael looked at Sonny, his eyes more alive than ever, and Sonny hoped that another win was on the horizon.


	3. Unsolicited Opinions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny delivers lunch.

Sonny was waiting outside Rafael’s office.

That was all he seemed to do, now. It had been a month since Rafael’s announcement, and Rafael was always in some strategy meeting or other, trying to nail down his platform, or he was meeting with potential backers, financial or otherwise.

All the while, Sonny would wait.

Oh, and he would bring lunch.

Sometimes Sonny thought this was his official function. Being in charge of snacks and beverages.

Not that lunch was unimportant. Lucia had been right. Rafael needed to be reminded to eat and, now that he was out of college, that responsibility fell on Sonny instead of his mother.

Nagging Rafael always seemed to have the opposite effect, so Sonny had chosen to personally deliver lunch whenever his own work allowed, using the pretext of wanting to spend some time with his boyfriend.

In truth, Sonny was playing on Rafael’s guilt. The campaign left them with little time to themselves, and Sonny knew that Rafael would never say no to a one-on-one lunch.

Maybe that was a little calculating, but Sonny figured the ends justified the means. His main goal was to keep Rafael healthy, if not well fed, and he knew that these workplace lunch dates were pretty much Rafael’s only source of nutrition. Well, along with the occasional fancy dinner, necessitated by Rafael’s courting of highbrow donors.

Plus, Sonny really did want to spend time with Rafael. That wasn’t a lie.

They were only one month into the campaign, and things had already changed. Rafael’s hours had gotten even longer, since he was combining his actual workload with campaign business, so he was always exhausted.

And then there was the stress; Rafael had already started talking about poll numbers, a topic of discussion always accompanied by the involuntary clenching of his fists and a glass of whiskey.

Sonny wasn’t complaining, not by any means.

At least not out loud.

Sonny was simply a little concerned.

That being said, Sonny knew what he had signed up for. And Sonny also knew that this situation was only temporary, since the democratic primary was less than 5 months away. Sonny could wait 5 more months. Sonny _would_ wait 5 more months.

He just wasn’t going to enjoy it very much.

It wasn’t all bad, of course. Far from it.

The lunch dates themselves were fun. Sure, they were hurried, but they were also the perfect pick-me-up for both Rafael and Sonny. They used to have the occasional working lunch fairly often, but that habit had fallen by the wayside since Rafael had made EADA; he was no longer working directly with Manhattan SVU, so there was nothing to ‘work’ on. Frankly, Sonny liked having an excuse to resume that little tradition.

And then there was the downtime. Even someone as overworked as Rafael still had the nights off; most of them, at least. Rafael would usually spend those nights at home, relaxing quietly. Sonny loved those moments, those warm, comfortable moments, when Rafael would come home and just curl into his arms. Like being near Sonny was the only thing that could make Rafael feel better.

Sonny loved those moments, when Rafael would drowsily mumble ‘I love you’ and ‘goodnight’ into Sonny’s ear, when Rafael would kiss whatever random part of Sonny’s face he could reach and then he’d just fall asleep on the couch, too tired to walk to the bedroom.

Sonny loved those moments, when Rafael would put up an impressive amount of resistance for someone who was supposed to be asleep. When Rafael would pull Sonny down on the couch, instead of getting up. When Rafael would arrange Sonny’s body just right, on top of him, in his arms, between his thighs, and then he’d just hum and squeeze Sonny tightly and drift off again.

That position was as tender as it was uncomfortable.

And it was _very_ uncomfortable.

Sonny loved those moments.

That was why, in the interest of preserving them, Sonny would usually neglect to mention that he was exhausted too. Sonny would neglect to mention that, more often than not, his days were spent chasing suspects. He and Rafael had had the argument about mental versus physical labor one too many times. After all, Sonny knew that Olivia kept Rafael up-to-date on all his work-related shenanigans anyway.

Speaking of work, Sonny had to be back at the precinct in less than 20 minutes, and Rafael’s meeting was clearly running over. Sonny’s first thought was to leave the food with Carmen and get going. Which was indicative of Sonny’s concern regarding Rafael’s welfare. Making sure Rafael had a decent meal was almost more important to Sonny than actually seeing him.

Almost.

In the end, Sonny settled for a little of both. He decided to leave the bags with Rafael’s secretary, and then to pop his head in, just long enough to say hi to Rafael before he left.

After telling Carmen that she could have his share of the food, because there was no reason for it to go to waste, Sonny rounded the corner and approached the door of Rafael’s new office. It was a little fancier than his old one, but not much bigger. The DA’s office, now _that_ was the real prize.

Sonny fleetingly thought that, if Rafael got elected, they’d get to complete the trifecta of workplace nookie.

And then Sonny made a mental note to casually mention that, using that exact phrase, the next time Rafael was in a bad mood.

Sonny was about to knock, when he heard arguing. He heard Rafael’s voice, and Timothy’s.

_Great._

Sonny almost turned around to leave, but he refused to let that guy get to him. Sonny would knock, and he’d go in, and he’d t–

“Your little boyfriend, how attached are you?”

Sonny’s hand froze mid-air. _Timothy_ was talking about him. Calling him Rafael’s ‘little boyfriend’.

“Excuse me?”

That was Rafael. And he sounded as offended as Sonny felt. Sonny had half a mind to barge in and give Timothy a piece of his m–

“You heard me, Rafael. Your little lovestruck detective. Your little boy toy. How attached are you? Would you consider ditching him? And, if you did, do you think he could cause problems for us? Maybe go to the press? I wouldn’t put it past him. He seems pretty trashy, no offense. I mean, I get that you have needs, but he has to go.”

Sonny almost had a rage stroke.

Was this what Rafael’s meetings were like? Timothy trying to badmouth Sonny? Trying to get Rafael to dump him?

Sonny knew better than to even consider that possibility, even for a moment, but hearing those words still knocked the wind out of him.

What had Sonny ever done to suggest that he could ‘cause problems’ for Rafael? Going to the press? Where the hell was Timothy getting that?

And ‘trashy’? What did that even mean? _Timothy_ probably thought everyone who didn’t live on the Upper East Side was trashy.

“Extremely.”

Extremely? What was Rafael talking about?

Timothy sounded just as confused.

“Extremely?”

“Yes. Extremely. I am _extremely_ attached to him. And I will let this comment slide, Timothy, because you’ve only been working with me for a few months. You don’t know me yet. _Obviously._ But this is the first and last time you say anything like that to me.”

Sonny smirked.

Maybe _this_ was what Rafael’s meetings were like. Timothy trying to badmouth Sonny, and Rafael chewing Timothy out. Defending Sonny’s honor in his absence.

‘Extremely’.

Sonny liked the sound of that.

But the sound wasn’t enough. Sonny wanted to see, too. Sonny wanted to see Rafael’s expression. Sonny was sure that Rafael looked intimidating and assertive and sex–

“Wait, Rafael, hear me out. I do know you, and I know you want to win this election. And I hope you didn’t misunderstand me. I have no issues with you being gay. A Latino gay man as Manhattan’s newest District Attorney? I’m all for it. It’s perfect. You are the future. I’m banking on that.

“But your littl… But _Sonny_ is not the right fit for you. Not if we want to play that angle. He will not be good for publicity and he will _not_ poll well, you can trust me on that.

“First of all, he’s too young. We’re trying to sell _you_ as the young, hip choice, and it works, because you’re 20 years younger than all the other candidates. But stand next to Sonny, and suddenly you look old.

“Secondly, he’s from Staten Island, which, let’s face it, is pretty much the worst place he could be from. Especially since we’re trying to appeal to the Manhattan elite.

“Thirdly, he’s a cop. Which is good on paper, but bad in reality. He’s a gay cop, and gay cops aren’t exactly popular with their own, so he might end up actually costing us the cop vote.

“And then there’s his work history. It’s a mess. It was transfer after transfer after transfer, until you started screwing him and he was finally able to hold down a job, and isn’t _that_ a coincidence.

“Not to mention, your choice of partner says a lot about you. This is how the voters think, Rafael. We’ve seen it time and time again. You should be with someone of your own stature. Someone accomplished. Older. Respectable. That would tell the voters that you have good taste, good judgment, and that you will use that same judgment when you’re in public office.

“Instead, you’re dating this little doofus. What does being with him say? That you like twinks?”

Timothy said more, Sonny was sure of it, but that was when he stopped listening.

And when he started hyperventilating.

It was harsh, hearing it all laid out.

Cruel.

All the ways in which he was wrong for Rafael.

Bad for Rafael.

No.

Not bad for Rafael. Maybe bad for Rafael’s campaign. According to _Timothy._ Who was clearly biased. What did he know? He was just some asshole who hated Sonny. Some asshole who…

Who was the best at his job.

Sonny took a deep breath and tried to will his blood pressure down to normal levels.

It had been a while since Sonny had been subject to such blunt criticism. It had been a while since someone had laid into him like that. It stung just as much as he remembered, but this time Sonny was determined to brush it off.

Sonny was in a good place. Sonny had been in a good place for years now. Sonny wasn’t going to let one asshole’s opinion shake his confidence. Those days were behind him.

Timothy had a very specific, very low opinion of Sonny, and that was his prerogative.

But Sonny knew his own worth.

Now.

He knew now. No matter what anyone said.

Sonny took one more breath and raised his hand to finally knock on the d–

“Have I ever given you the impression that it’s acceptable for you to share your unsolicited opinions on my personal life?”

Rafael sounded mad.

“You have no personal life, Rafael. Not anymore. The sooner you accept that, the better.”

“You work for me, Timothy. The sooner you accept _that,_ the better.”

Rafael sounded _really_ mad.

“Rafael, let me remind you that you have two very strong opponents. The DA and the Mayor have endorsed you, but the polls still put you in second place. You are the youngest candidate, which has its advantages, but it also means that you are the most inexperienced.

“We have to find a way to overcome that. You’ll need to do everything in your power to win this primary. If that means making a few changes in your personal life, like sacrificing your little boyf–”

“I will _not_ repeat myself, Timothy, so listen carefully. You will _never_ speak to me that way again. You will _never_ talk about Sonny that way again. Your job is to coordinate the efforts of my team. To make sure my platform receives the appropriate publicity. To make sure the right people endorse me.

“Your job is _not_ to give me dating advice. If you’re worried about the polls, and your brilliant strategic move is to suggest that I leave my partner, then maybe you’re the wrong man for this job.”

“Winning an election isn’t just about your platform, Rafael. That’s naïve. Appearances matt–”

“I’m not finished. I will not run this campaign on _appearances,_ Timothy. My personal life will not be subject to campaign tactics. I will not hide it, but I sure as hell will not sell it. I will not use it. My personal life is my own. My decisions regarding my personal life are my own. If you want to keep running this campaign, you need to understand that.”

“But–”

“I’m _not_ finished. You also need to understand a few things about Sonny. He’s not my _‘little detective’._ Sonny is a great detective, and Manhattan SVU is lucky to have him. The only reason he has his job is because he’s good at it.

“Sonny would never do anything to damage this campaign. If you don’t know that, you don’t know him.

“Sonny is not _‘trashy’,_ and I kindly request that you refrain from using such vulgar language, you blithering asshole.

“Sonny is not my _‘little boyfriend’,_ or my _‘boy toy’,_ or a _‘twink’._ Sonny is the man I love. The man I’m with. And that’s not going to change. Not for this campaign, not for anything.”

“Yes, yes, that’s very romantic, Rafael, but it d–”

“It’s not romantic. It’s a fact.”

Sonny smiled from the other side of the door.

Sonny knew how Rafael felt about him. He had often been the recipient of such ‘factual’, i.e. totally sappy declarations. Sonny just didn’t realize that Rafael repeated those declarations to others. Sonny didn’t realize that Rafael spoke so openly about their relationship.

Sonny didn’t realize that Rafael was going around telling other people, ‘Sonny is the man I love’.

It felt good, hearing that.

It had also felt good to hear Rafael calling Timothy a ‘blithering asshole’, but the love part, that was even better.

But Sonny had heard enough. He didn’t want to eavesdrop anymore. He finally knocked on the door and tried to appear nonchalant as he entered.

Going by Rafael’s frown, he failed.

Timothy, for his part, clearly didn’t have the first clue that Sonny’s smile was fake.

“Sonny! Always good to see you.”

Before Sonny could respond, possibly using a string of four-letter words, Rafael interrupted.

“Timothy, that will be all. We’ll talk later.”

Timothy made his exit quickly and silently. It seemed that his last exchange with Rafael had taught him a few things. Specifically, how to tell when Rafael was not in the mood for arguments. Not to mention, when to shut up.

“How much did you hear, Sonny?”

Rafael looked surprisingly calm as he casually lounged on his chair. Maybe that was how little he valued Timothy’s opinions. They weren’t worth getting upset over. Or maybe Rafael was just drained. Maybe he’d used up all his anger on Timothy, and now he was over it, looking at Sonny sweetly, peacefully.

Or maybe it was that glass of scotch sitting on Rafael’s desk.

At any rate, Rafael clearly knew that Sonny was upset, and Sonny saw no reason to deny it.

“I heard that I’m your little boy toy, apparently.”

Rafael smirked.

“You kind of are, Sonny. I like to pretend it’s not a big deal, but I _am_ robbing the cradle here.”

Sonny chuckled despite himself.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s what he meant.”

“That’s exactly what he meant. He said you make me look old. Didn’t you hear that part?”

Sonny was finding it hard not to smile. He loved it when Rafael got self-deprecating just to make him feel better.

“I did. But that wasn’t all I heard. I also heard Timothy saying I won’t b-”

“Did you also hear the part about you being the man I love?”

Rafael seemed determined to prevent Sonny from talking about this.

Oh well.

Sonny nodded, and he smiled again as Rafael got up and walked up to him, stood right in front of him.

Rafael tugged at the lapels of Sonny’s jacket, with both hands, and Sonny leaned in for a kiss.

Except this wasn’t a kiss.

This was actually a hug.

A rare Rafael-initiated hug.

Sonny could never resist those, exactly because they were so rare, so he obediently let Rafael arrange their bodies just so.

Rafael put his arms around Sonny’s waist, he pushed his chest right up against Sonny’s chest, he slipped a thigh between Sonny’s legs, he pressed his face against Sonny’s neck, and then he hummed, finally having Sonny right where he wanted.

Sonny loved it when Rafael hummed. It was the happiest little sound.

Exhaling, Sonny wrapped his arms around Rafael’s shoulders. They needed to talk about their relationship and what it meant for Rafael’s campaign. Or at least Sonny did, but he was finding it hard to speak when he could feel Rafael’s lips on his neck, when he could feel kiss after little kiss.

Sonny couldn’t help thinking that their usual roles were reversed. Sonny was the worried one, now, the concerned one, and Rafael was the smiley one who used hugs as a way to provide emotional support.

Sonny couldn’t help thinking back on those days right after he had gotten shot, when he had temporarily turned into the grumpiest man on earth, while Rafael had spent the entire time smiling at him and looking at him fondly and patiently doing his hair.

It was fun when their roles were reversed.

Sonny suspected Rafael thought so too.

Still, great as that hug felt, Sonny had to say something. He didn’t want to leave anything unspoken. He didn’t want to keep his worries to himself.

“What if I _do_ hurt your campaign, Rafi? What if he’s right?”

Rafael pulled away and looked at Sonny in the eye.

“What if he is?”

Rafael looked defiant.

Steadfast.

Sonny appreciated that, but he thought they should be realistic. This wasn’t about love. This was about Sonny helping Rafael win the election, any way that he could.

“Maybe I should lay low. For a while. Maybe we should hide, if it would help. I mean, it’s not like we go out that much anyway. And I'm not saying I should move out or anything. Not for 5 months. Talk about overkill. But, I don’t know, maybe I can stop coming here? For lunch? But you have to promise me you’ll still eat, okay, Rafi?”

Rafael instantly tensed up in Sonny’s arms, and then he pulled even further away.

Rafael looked surprised.

Possibly because Sonny had let it slip that their frequent lunch dates were nothing but an attempt to keep Rafael fed. As if Rafael was a 5-year-old, incapable of taking care of hims–

“Is that what you want, Sonny? For us to hide?”

Oh.

Rafael wasn’t surprised.

Rafael was upset. He was frowning, and his lips were tight, and Sonny had never seen this look on his face before. Rafael was looking at Sonny, like he was…

Like he was reconsidering.

Like he was wondering if, maybe, Sonny wasn’t the man Rafael thought he was. Like he was trying to reconcile the Sonny he knew, the loudmouth who introduced himself as Rafael’s boyfriend to anyone who would listen, with the Sonny who would offer to ‘hide’, like a coward, just so Rafael would get a few more votes.

Hide.

Sonny loved Rafael, Sonny wanted to marry Rafael, Sonny had a freaking ring, and he was saying ‘hide’.

Hide.

As if they were doing something wrong.

As if they hadn’t already done their share of hiding. Rafael had hidden the truth from his mother. Rafael had hidden Sonny from his mother, too. They had hidden their relationship, at first. From everyone.

But they were done hiding. They had been, for years now, and it meant so much to the both of them. To Rafael, especially. Living openly. And now, here Sonny was, saying they should hide again.

Sonny was an idiot.

“No. I don’t want that, Rafi. You know me. I wanna show you off. The next New York County District Attorney. And you’re all mine.”

Rafael was visibly relieved. Sonny could feel him relaxing, could feel Rafael’s chest loosening up.

“Don’t scare me like that, Sonny. The last thing I need right now is more stress.”

Sonny would have felt guilty, but Rafael was kissing his neck again.

“I just didn’t think you’d want the voters to know you’re dating me, Rafi. That’s a pretty glaring example of poor decision-making. You’ll want to keep a lid on that stuff if you want to win.”

“Don’t say that, Sonny. It’s not funny. And it’s not true. You know that. Don’t you?”

Sonny did feel guilty this time. Rafael was worried about him, Rafael was still trying to ease his insecurities, just minutes after Sonny had said something as stupidly hurtful as ‘maybe we should hide’.

“Of course I know that. I’m awesome. You’re punching way above your weight.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow.

Jokes weren’t going to cut it, apparently.

“I just don’t want to stand in your way, Rafi.”

Rafael rolled his eyes, and then he looked at Sonny like he always did.

Like he knew exactly who Sonny was.

A little lovestruck detective who would do anything to help him.

“Well, you’re not. So that won’t be an issue. Look, Sonny, I’m not going to hide who I am. And I’m not going to hide you. Not anymore. Not when it took me this long to find you. Okay?”

Sonny nodded.

“If this hurts my campaign, which it won’t, so be it. There are more important things. You are more important.”

Sonny grinned.

Sonny really, _really_ loved Rafael.

“Is that a fact, counselor?”

Rafael smirked yet again.

“Yes.”

Sonny kissed Rafael, deeply.

Rafael hummed.


	4. Random Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny watches Rafael on TV.

Another month had gone by, and Rafael was still polling second, but his numbers were getting stronger week by week. He was slowly closing in on his main opponent, Milton Mills; a white, significantly older and slightly more conservative attorney who had worked as a Manhattan ADA before Rafael’s time but had spent the majority of his career in private practice. 

Rafael had a fight ahead of him, but he was beginning to look cautiously optimistic, which was what Sonny liked to see.

But Sonny was optimistic too. Not about the election, that much was a given. Sonny was optimistic about the months leading up to the election. About his and Rafael’s new routine.

The first couple of months had been tough, but now Rafael’s campaign was on its third month, and most of the kinks had been ironed out. Sonny and Rafael were now able to coordinate their schedules almost effortlessly, so they managed to spend a decent amount of time together.

At least when Rafael didn’t have other obligations.

Obligations such as appearing on television.

That had been a new experience. Talking to reporters was one thing, but going to a television studio and giving a sit-down interview? Especially live? That was pretty different. Sonny hated to admit it, but Timothy had been right to push Rafael into doing all these appearances. Rafael needed name recognition, and television was the fastest way to get it.

Which was why Sonny was sitting at his desk, on a slow day, surreptitiously trying to watch Rafael’s live interview on his tablet.

Rafael was facing a panel of pundits, and he was talking about his platform; about his focus on battling sex crimes and creating an extended counseling framework to support special victims as they went through the often grueling process of a trial.

Sonny was obviously biased, but he thought Rafael sounded pretty good. Objectively. Sonny thought he’d definitely be voting for this guy, the guy who wanted to implement those changes, even if they weren’t about to get married.

Okay, maybe Sonny was getting a little ahead of himself. Maybe he and Rafael weren’t ‘about to get married’. They were ‘about to get engaged’.

‘Probably’.

When Sonny finally stopped putting it off and friggin’ asked.

Sonny’s reasons for waiting, if not stalling, weren’t emotional. Sonny knew what he wanted, and he had no doubt that Rafael wanted the same thing. 

Sonny wanted to marry Rafael. He wanted to make it official. He wanted it more and more with each day. And, when he finally did ask, Rafael would say yes. Sonny wasn’t worried about that.

Sonny’s concerns were more practical.

Rafael’s campaign had taken over their lives. Sonny felt that, even if they were to get engaged now, to be married after the democratic primary, the proposal would still get lost in the shuffle, somewhere between a print interview with the  _Times_ and a panel discussion on white collar crime. 

That was the last thing Sonny wanted. To be one more thing on Rafael’s to-do list.

A proposal required focus. An engagement deserved to be commemorated properly. Without distractions.

Which was why Sonny was actually warming up to the idea of proposing right after the election. After all was said and done. When Rafael would have nothing else to worry about.

That way, and assuming Rafael would win, they could celebrate their engagement along with Rafael’s victory. Double the happiness. And, even if Rafael were to lose, a proposal would definitely sweeten the pill. 

That was Sonny’s plan, anyway.

A plan which sounded pretty solid, save for the fact Sonny would have to wait 4 more months in order to implement it. 4 more months, on top of the whole year Sonny had already spent mulling over a proposal.

Which was his own fault, of course. Because, while Sonny no longer had emotional reasons for stalling, that hadn’t always been the case.

When Sonny had first gotten that ring, 3 years into his relationship with Rafael, he’d still been struggling with some confidence issues. With self-doubt.

Sure, Rafael loved him, but dating and marriage were two very different things. Sonny had spent several weeks, if not months, wondering if someone like Rafael had any business marrying someone like him. 

Wondering if maybe they should keep things casual, even though Sonny knew things between him and Rafael had never truly been casual.

Wondering if maybe there was somebody better for Rafael, even though Sonny knew no one could ever love Rafael more than he did.

Wondering if Rafael  _should_ marry him, even though Sonny knew Rafael  _would_ marry him in a heartbeat.

It had taken him a while, but Sonny had eventually come to realize that ‘should’ meant nothing. 

Sonny  _would_ ask, and Rafael  _would_ say yes, and they  _would_ get married. Simple as th–

“… _relationship with the police department?”_

What?

Oh. Rafael’s interview.

Sonny shook his head. He was supposed to be watching Rafael’s interview, not daydreaming about a proposal.

Fine, Sonny was supposed to be working.

But he was supposed to be ignoring his work in favor of watching Rafael’s interview. And Sonny had just missed a huge chunk of it because of his sentimentality. He was just glad the entire segment would be posted online later, so he’d be able to catch up and talk to Rafael about it.

Sonny turned his attention to his tablet, this time for real.

“ _I’ve always had a good relationship with the police, in all my years working as an Assistant District Attorney.”_

“ _You didn’t always work for the Manhattan office, though. You used to be a Brooklyn ADA. What do you say to the Manhattanites who might look down on you because of that past transgression?”_

Sonny smiled. These were the questions Rafael excelled at. He’d just turn on the charm, smile one of his teasing smiles, and boom. Indeed, Rafael and the rest of the panel spent a good few minutes genially extolling Manhattan’s virtues without overtly dissing the other boroughs.

At least not too much. Sonny was just glad Staten Island wasn’t even mentioned.

“ _You paint a pretty picture, Mr. Barba, but the truth is that there have been tensions between the Manhattan DA’s office and the NYPD as of late. I don’t think you can deny that.”_

There it was.

Sonny supposed fair was fair. The hosts had gone easy on Rafael at first, but now it was time for the more hard-hitting questions.

“ _There’s always tension. And not just in Manhattan. Not just in New York. It’s all over the country. All I can do, all I did as a Manhattan ADA for 7 years, all I am doing now, as a Manhattan EADA, all I hope to do as the next Manhattan District Attorney, is to resolve that tension. Peacefully._

“ _I have built a relationship with the NYPD, one based on mutual trust. I trust the Manhattan police officers to do their job, and to do it well, like only they can, and they trust me to intervene on the rare instances when that doesn’t happen._

“ _I have never coddled the NYPD, nor have I hounded them, like others have. I have worked with the police in harmony, for many years now, and I have every faith that I will continue to do so, after this election. Except, hopefully, from a different post.”_

Alright. That was a good answer. 

“ _Let me read between the lines, here, Mr. Barba. Clearly, you’re referring to the instances of police brutality which have plagued this nation. In the past, you yourself have actually prosecuted NYPD officers for related offenses. How can you s–”_

“ _Once, based on a Grand Jury indictment.”_

“ _Yes, Mr. Barba, based on an indictment you successfully got, after convincing the Grand Jury of the officers’ guilt.”_

“ _After the Grand Jury was convinced of the strength of that case, when presented with the facts.”_

“ _Let’s not argue semantics, Mr. Barba. You convinced them to indict.”_

“ _I presented the facts, like I’ve always done. I presented the truth, with no intent to influence the outcome. And, speaking from experience, I can tell you that a Grand Jury is not as easily swayed as you’re suggesting. Much like the American people in general.”_

Another good answer.

Sonny wasn’t surprised. This was a frequent topic of discussion between him and Rafael. It had been, ever since that case, years ago. Ever since Sonny had used that word, ‘hindsight’, to try and explain the behavior of those cops, much as he disagreed with it. Rafael hadn’t been happy about that comment, but they had talked it out. 

Sonny was a cop, but he was also a lawyer, which prevented him from identifying with the reckless cops who showed little regard for human rights and the constitution. Rafael was a lawyer, but he was also the boyfriend of a cop, which gave him special insight into the fear of losing one of your own in the line of duty. Ultimately, their viewpoints weren’t that different.

“ _The American people might agree with you, but does the police? How has the NYPD handled your conduct? I can’t imagine they take too well on someone going after one of their own.”_

Sonny scoffed at the sensationalistic phrasing, but he wasn’t worried. Rafael could handle himself.

“ _I did not ‘go after’ one of their own. I did my job. And I have not experienced any type of reaction from the NYPD whatsoever. They are professionals, as am I.”_

Hm. ‘I was only doing my job’ wasn’t the strongest ans–

“ _Do you mean to tell us, Mr. Barba, that no police officer has ever reacted negatively in your presence? That things have never gotten heated between you and a cop?”_

“ _Wait, George, is this a double entendre?”_

Sonny didn’t like the sound of that. One of the other pundits was interrupting.

“ _Because, rumor has it that Mr. Barba is actually dating a police officer. So I imagine that things_ have _gotten heated between him and a cop, just not in the way you’re suggesting.”_

Rafael’s sneer was intense. Made even more intense by the fact all the pundits were chortling. 

“ _And on that cheerful note, we’ll have to say goodbye to Mr. Barba, because we’re out of time. Thank you f…”_

Ouch.

Rafael hadn’t gotten a chance to respond to that last question. To the gossip. Which was probably a good thing, because Sonny could only imagine what Rafael would have said. Something hilariously condescending, probably.

But then, that could also be a terrible thing, because this one ‘juicy’ tidbit could overshadow the entire interview. Especially since Rafael had just sat there, mute, while a panel of political analysts giggled over his personal life. That could become the only sound bite of note, eclipsing Rafael’s otherwise impressive performance.

At least the gender of the ‘cop’ hadn’t been specified. To his shame, Sonny was thankful. Rafael had no intention of hiding, but Timothy was still trying to decide on the best way for him to come out, so Rafael was basically in a glass closet for the time being. Fortunately, Rafael hadn’t been outed in a random TV interview.

Sonny took a deep breath. He had a suspicion that Rafael would need a lot of cheering up later.

Just as Sonny was getting ready to go back to work, his phone buzzed.

‘ _They were talking about you on TV.’_

Bella.

Of course.

Sonny rolled his eyes.

‘ _Since when do you watch MSNBC, Bella?’_

‘ _Since they have our family members on as guests.’_

Before Sonny could even react to Bella calling Rafael a ‘family member’, before he could even contemplate how accurate that was, how true it was that Rafael was now part of the Carisi family, Bella texted him again.

‘ _Speaking of, if you plan on waiting much longer before you propose, please let me know. Theresa has been holding on to the ring for a whole year. It’s not fair. We should all take turns. I can take it now and Gina can have it next year.’_

Sonny could only laugh as he texted back his sister.

‘ _Shut up. And kiss my nieces for me.’_

~ ~ ~

It was almost midnight and Sonny hadn’t spoken to Rafael, not since before the interview. They had exchanged some texts afterwards, the last one mentioning that Rafael was waiting to hear on the newest poll numbers, but they hadn’t managed to talk.

Mostly because Sonny’s ‘slow day’ at work had suddenly turned into a frantic search for a missing teenage girl, so Sonny hadn’t gotten a chance to touch base.

Sonny  _had_ tried texting Rafael a few times, when he had finally returned to the precinct after finding the girl, but Rafael had only texted back his standard,  _‘Can’t talk now,’_ which usually meant that Rafael was in some sort of meeting. Sonny didn’t know what kind of meeting took place a little before midnight, but he figured he’d ask Rafael when he got home.

That had been Sonny’s first thought. His second thought had been to check for the poll numbers himself.

Which had been a bad idea.

Rafael was still polling second, but he was no longer within striking distance. Mills, his main competition, had recently gotten a few key endorsements from some big newspapers, and evidently that had made quite an impact.

Sonny began preparing his pep talk on the way home. ‘It’s just one poll,’ ‘polls have been wrong before,’ ‘there’s still time to turn things around.’

By the time Sonny made it back to their apartment, a little after midnight, he had an entire speech mapped out.

Little did he know that he wouldn’t get to use it.

“Sonny! Hi! Here you are!”

“Hey, Rafi.”

“Hey, Sonny! Hi!”

_Oh._

Rafael was drunk.

Not tipsy, not woozy, not slightly inebriated.

Rafael was plastered.

Rafael was sitting on the couch, jacket and vest off but tie still on, suspenders down, top buttons on his shirt undone, hair a mess, drink in hand, and he was  _plastered._

“Where were you, Sonny? I’ve been waiting. For you. For hours. Was gonna go to bed but I didn’t wanna go alone. Was waiting. For you.”

Sonny approached Rafael gingerly.

He had never seen Rafael drunk before. Not once in over 4 years. Almost 5 years, counting the time before they started dating. Rafael liked his drink, but only to the point of pleasant intoxication. Sure, Rafael had been drinking a little more in the past few months, owing to the stress from the campaign, but this?

This was new.

Sonny doubted that Rafael had gotten drunk on purpose. Not  _that_ drunk, at least. Rafael had probably been drinking on an empty stomach. Sonny really needed to have a talk with him about that. As soon as Rafael sobered up.

Sonny sat on the couch, carefully took the tumbler out of Rafael’s hand, not without a fight, and he set it on the table. Rafael waited literally 1 second before wrapping his arms around Sonny. Before kissing Sonny’s neck, before tugging at Sonny’s jacket, trying to take it off.

“Easy, Rafi, come on. Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

“No.”

It was that simple. ‘No.’

Sonny figured there was no harm in staying on the couch a little longer, so he sat back and untangled himself from Rafael’s grasp. Drunk Rafael was very restless and even handsier than normal, which was pretty damn handsy to begin with, so Sonny thought it would be best to find a safer position.

Trying to avoid Rafael’s flying limbs, Sonny put an arm around Rafael’s waist and he pulled, pulled closer, until Rafael’s head was resting on his shoulder.

Rafael resisted at first.

A lot.

But as soon as he realized what Sonny was trying to do, Rafael quickly leaned back in and started rubbing his face against Sonny’s chest, nuzzling Sonny’s neck, caressing Sonny’s belly.

“Did you… You see the numbers, Sonny? It’s bad.”

Sonny felt guilty, because Rafael was clearly distressed, but he couldn’t help thinking that Drunk Rafael was adorable.

Drunk Rafael was literally pouting.

Endearing as that was, Sonny couldn’t let it go on. He needed to find a way to cheer Rafael up. He just had to tweak his pep talk to best suit the circumstances.

The circumstances being ‘a drunk, sad and horny EADA in Sonny’s arms’.

“Hey, I’m supposed to do the pouting around here, Rafi.”

“Yeah. Well. It’s my turn now. I’m not as cute as you, though. Don’t have your lips. To pout. Pretty. Like you. But whatever. I can still pout.”

Sonny grinned as Rafael started drunkenly pawing at his lips, his chin, his jaw.

“There’s no reason to pout, Rafi. There’s 4 months until the primary. There’s still time. Plus, weren’t you telling me that the Governor was this close to endorsing you? That’s gotta mean a lot of votes.”

“Love you, Sonny.”

Sonny snorted.

“I know.”

“Okay, Han Solo, I’m tryin’ to have a moment here.”

Wait.

Drunk Rafael made pop culture references? Which didn’t involve the opera or the literary classics? 

Actually, never mind that. Drunk Rafael made pop culture references which involved  _Star Wars?_

Sonny didn’t know how to process that, so he didn’t.

“I love you too, Rafi. Wanna go to bed now?”

“Couldn’t do this without you, Sonny.”

Oh.

Apparently, Drunk Rafael was in the mood for whispering sweet nothings into Sonny’s ear.

While nibbling on said ear.

Again, Sonny supposed that a few more minutes on the couch couldn’t hurt.

“Try telling me that when you’re sober.”

“No, I tell you. Don’t I? I tell you. Don’t you know?”

Rafael had pulled away, and he was pouting again, harder this time. He looked so earnest. Sonny felt guilty for teasing him when he was impaired by the alcohol.

“I know, Rafi. I was joking.”

“No but… You know, right, Sonny? You’re everything to me. Never thought I’d have this. You. You gave this to me.”

Sonny actually got a little emotional, and wasn’t that embarrassing. Drunk Rafael was a romantic. Who knew?

“I actually like you better when you’re sober, Rafi. I don’t know what to do with all this sweet stuff. Say something mean.”

“Love you, Sonny.”

Sonny chuckled and kissed Rafael on the cheek.

“Love you too, Rafi. Let’s go to bed, okay? I’ll come with you.”

“So, you… You’re from Staten Island. So what? I don’t mind.”

Oh.

Drunk Rafael was also in the mood for jokes.

“Wow, thanks, Rafi. How magnanimous of you.”

“I _am_ magnam… mangan… Yeah. And… And I don’t care that you’re young. Or maybe I’m old. Or both. So what? That asshole, he doesn’t… He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Wait.

Was this why Rafael had gotten drunk? Had Timothy tried to talk Rafael into dumping Sonny again? After the latest poll, maybe? Was this wh–

“And you’re not _trashy._ You’re great. You’re perfect. You know that too, right, Sonny? Sometimes I worry. That you don’t. ‘Cause I said that too. That you’re… I said it too, that you’re not good enough. I hurt you, and… And I worry. That you don’t know. How great you are. You’re great, Sonny.”

Sonny was pretty sure that he had never loved Rafael more than he did in that moment.

Also, Sonny was wondering if it would be weird for him to propose to a drunk person.

Okay, he wasn’t, not really, mostly because Sonny’s lawyer side was telling him that Rafael was intoxicated and therefore lacked the capacity to contract.

But knowing that Rafael worried about him, still had those thoughts, even when drunk, that warmed Sonny’s heart.

“Thanks, Rafi. You’re great too.”

“I don’t care about the election. Remember? You said, when I told you, you said it was what I always wanted. It’s not.”

Sonny was surprised by the extent of Drunk Rafael’s recollection. He was talking about their dinner, over 4 months earlier, when Rafael had shared his plans to run for Distr–

“You’re what I always wanted, Sonny. This. You. And me. With you.”

Rafael kissed Sonny on the cheek, a long, wet kiss, and he started stroking Sonny’s belly again, Sonny’s hip, and he burrowed even closer, and he started humming.

Sonny’s heart couldn’t take much more of this.

Sonny wasn’t used to it. That was the problem.

In fact, Sonny almost felt bad. Like he was intruding. Like he wasn’t supposed to hear this. Rafael’s innermost thoughts. Thoughts Sober Rafael only shared in a decidedly less sappy and significantly more succinct manner. 

Sonny wondered how much of this Rafael would remember in the morning. How much of this Rafael would try to deny. How m–

“You said you don’t… Remember? You said you don’t wanna stand in my way. You’re not. You are my way. Us. Together. Okay, Sonny? Always. Remember that. When I ask. When I ask you. When I prorp… Porpos…”

Whoa.

Red flag.

Sonny was  _not_ about to let Drunk Rafael talk proposals. Sober Rafael would never forgive him. Also, Rafael was planning on proposing? Porposing, even? Sonny really needed to quit stalling and just do it.

“Okay, Rafi. I’ll remember. Now, let’s go to the bedroom. I’m tired. I wanna go to bed. Will you come with me?”

“To bed?”

Sonny cracked up, both at the question and at Rafael’s hilariously hopeful expression. As if Rafael could do anything other than sleep, in the state he was in.

“Yes, Rafi. To bed. Are you coming?”

Rafael nodded.

Sonny helped Rafael up and led him to the bedroom. A shower was out of the question, so Sonny settled for taking off Rafael’s clothes and tucking Rafael in. Sonny went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and, by the time he came back, Rafael was already asleep.

Sonny got undressed too, and he quietly slipped into bed. Rafael was facing him, looking so relaxed and so uncharacteristically sweet that Sonny just had to lean in for a kiss. He adjusted the bedspread first, because Rafael’s shoulder had somehow gotten uncovered, and then he kissed Rafael on the forehead.

“Love you, Sonny.”

Sonny smiled.

“Love you too, Rafi.”

Rafael hummed.

~ ~ ~

The next morning, Rafael had trouble waking up. Unsurprisingly.

Sonny figured he’d turn off the alarm clock and just wake Rafael up a little later, thinking that even 10 more minutes would help. Sonny meant to make coffee, he meant to tidy up the living room, where Rafael’s tumbler and a bottle of whiskey and God knows what else was still scattered around, but he was finding it hard to get out of bed.

Yes, he was watching Rafael sleep, which, yes, was kind of creepy. But, after Rafael’s drunken shenanigans, Sonny thought he could get away with it. He didn’t think Rafael would dare call him out for being sentimental, not after coming out with such gems as ‘you’re not in my way, you are my way’. 

Sonny stroked Rafael’s cheek, felt Rafael’s stubble. Sonny loved it when Rafael grew out his facial hair a little. In fact, Sonny kept asking Rafael to do the five o’clock shadow thing, just for a while, but Rafael kept saying, ‘I need to stay clean-shaven, Sonny. Beards don’t poll well.’ Sonny didn’t see what a beard had to do wit–

“Hnnnnnngh.”

Sonny grinned.

Rafael was up.

Well, ‘up’ was an overstatement, but Rafael was awake. Sort of. His eyes weren’t open yet, but at least he was conscious.

“Good morning, Rafi.”

“Why the _hell_ did you let me drink that much, Sonny?”

There he was.

“I didn’t _let_ you have a single drop. You were already drunk when I got here. Not like I could’ve gone back in time to stop you.”

Rafael scoffed. With his eyes closed. He really was a master.

“You should have known. You should have gotten here earlier. Before I got drunk. This is unacceptable behavior, Sonny. You’re slipping.”

Now that was more like it. Not that Sonny would admit it.

“I liked you better when you were drunk, Rafi.”

Rafael opened his eyes just so he could narrow them.

He  _really_ was a master.

“Is that so? Because I seem to recall that, last night, you said you liked me better sober.”

“Oh? You remember that? Is that all you remember?”

Rafael smirked.

“I remember a lot of things.”

“Yeah? You remember that you outed yourself as a _Star Wars_ fan? How did I not know this, Rafi? It’s been 4 years.”

“You like _Star Trek,_ Sonny. I didn’t want to open that can of worms.”

Wait, what?

Where had this Rafael been for the past 4 years? Sonny resolved to explore this side of Rafael further. Some other time.

Because, speaking of opening a can of worms…

“Anything else you remember, Rafi? From last night?”

Rafael side-eyed him.

“I also remember making a lot of highly embarrassing statements, if that’s what you’re referring to.”

A vague, snarky comment. Sonny figured as much. At least Rafael hadn’t brought up that whole ‘porposing’ stuff, because if he had, then h–

“Highly embarrassing yet true, of course.”

Sonny beamed.

Rafael wasn’t taking anything back. Not that Sonny thought that he would, but still. It was good to have confirmation.

Even half-asleep, Rafael picked up on Sonny’s surprise.

“You know what I said was true, right? At least what I can remember saying. I really couldn’t do this without you, Sonny.”

Sonny suddenly realized that, drunk or sober, Rafael was always trying to make sure that Sonny knew.

That Sonny knew how important he was to Rafael. That he knew how Rafael felt about him.

As if Sonny could ever have any doubt.

“Yeah, Rafi, but am I everything to you?”

Rafael snorted, but then he gave Sonny a kiss.

“Yes. You are.”

Oh.

Sober Rafael was a romantic too.

Who’d have thought?

“But am I your way?”

“Shut up, Sonny.”

Sonny cracked up, and Rafael followed suit.

This.

This was perfect.

Sonny and Rafael, in bed, early in the morning, laughing and kissing and being happy.

This.

This was the main reason Sonny didn’t keep the ring close by. Because he knew that, if he had access to it twenty-four seven, he’d just grab it and propose out of the blue, on one random morning like this one, thirty-five minutes before they left for work, while Rafael was still hungover, and Sonny would ruin his chance at pulling off the elaborate, romantic, perfect proposal he’d been planning.

But then, as Sonny watched Rafael stretching lazily, as Sonny watched Rafael getting up, a small smirk on his lips, as Sonny watched Rafael taking off his underwear before strutting to their bathroom for a shower, an invitation plainly written on his naked body, Sonny thought that proposing on a random, perfect morning wouldn’t be such a bad idea.


	5. Family Recipes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny cooks.

Sonny hadn’t seen Rafael in 4 days. The squad had been working a difficult case, which meant that Sonny had been working nights and getting home in the mornings, after Rafael had already left. They kept having near misses, which was beginning to become somewhat of a pattern.

They had barely even spoken on the phone, since they now mostly relied on texts to communicate. Texts were more convenient for the both of them, for those times when Sonny would be, say, chasing down a perp, or for those times when Rafael would be meeting with the Governor.

But texts weren’t calls.

And calls weren’t actual, direct, physical contact.

Emphasis on ‘physical’.

Sonny was getting impatient, in more ways than one.

But mostly in one way.

Emphasis on ‘physical’.

In the 2 months since that semi-awesome and semi-disastrous MSNBC interview, Rafael’s numbers had gone up, right after the Governor’s endorsement, just like Sonny had predicted. 

Rafael was now polling first in almost half of the polls, with online polls showing a bigger lead, probably because he was more appealing to younger voters, and polling a very close second in the rest.

Which was great for Rafael’s campaign, but not so great for Sonny. Mostly because it meant that Rafael had to keep making public appearances, since he was slowly becoming the frontrunner and everyone wanted a statement or a sound bite or an extended interview.

And it wasn’t just press-related events that kept Rafael busy. There were also official, fancy events to which Rafael kept being invited and which he could not miss. Events which he attended solo, because Timothy was now pushing the angle of Rafael being sexy and mysterious and available, apparently. 

Truth be told, Sonny didn’t really mind, though Rafael would experience the occasional bout of guilt over leaving him in the shadows. Sonny didn’t want to stay hidden forever, obviously. But he didn’t exactly feel comfortable stepping into the spotlight, either. Not yet. So, for the time being, missing out on random happenings like literary evenings or academic symposia or charity galas wasn’t really a sacrifice.

The only real sacrifice was the time Sonny had to spend away from Rafael. Rafael’s schedule was filling up more and more with each day, and his time with Sonny was getting more and more limited.

Sonny was happy for Rafael, of course he was. But he also missed Rafael.

Emphasis on ‘physical’.

Fortunately, things were looking up.

Sonny was getting home early, for once, and he did mean early. It wasn’t even 5 o’clock. For once, he and Rafael had agreed to have an entire evening to themselves. The squad had finally wrapped up their case around noon, and Rafael’s week had been so full that even Timothy had agreed that he deserved an afternoon off.

Rafael was supposed to be coming home any minute now. Sonny had gotten a pizza from a great place near the precinct, and he was keeping it warm, although he was really hoping they’d save it for later.

For dinner.

Maybe even for breakfast, the next morning.

Fine. Sonny was horny. He was only human.

He’d had no physical contact whatsoever with Rafael for 4 entire days. And, even before that, they’d only ever had rushed encounters, always with one eye on the clock, always feeling the pressure of some upcoming commitment. 

Sonny was looking forward to taking his time with Rafael.

It had been a while.

Sonny hopped in the shower, figuring he could save some time. He wasn’t ashamed to say that the thought of having Rafael all to himself for the evening was already getting him a little excited. A lot excited, actually.

Rafael had better hurry, was all Sonny was saying.

By the time Sonny got out of the shower, debating whether or not he should even get dressed, and ultimately deciding that staying naked would be a little too presumptuous, he was already half-hard and fully restless.

Rafael was running late, and Sonny was  _this_ close to starting without him. 

Sonny made his way to the bedroom and reached for a pair of sweatpants; the easiest to pull on and off, but also the least sexy. Not a good idea. Jeans? Jeans would be the best idea on paper, but the most uncomfortable idea on Sonny. Slacks? Too formal. And too random. Khakis? Only if Sonny wanted Rafael to start laughing at the sight of him.

The towel Sonny had hastily wrapped around his waist suddenly seemed like the best option.

Sonny checked his phone.

Rafael was about 15 minutes late already, and he hadn’t called or texted to let Sonny know what was going on.

Sonny chose to take that as a good sign. It probably meant that there was no change in their plans. Rafael was probably on his way, he had probably just been briefly held up somewhere. No big deal. No reason to text simply to say, ‘I’ll be there in a few minutes’.

Still in his towel, not to mention still half-hard, Sonny decided to do something to save himself and Rafael a little more time. Make up for Rafael’s delay.

Sonny went through their nightstand drawer, and then he dropped his towel, giving himself a few quick strokes before he lay on the bed. Then, Sonny started preparing himself, hoping that he’d be ready by the time Rafael got there.

Or, more realistically, hoping that by the time he was ready, Rafael would actually be there and not still ‘on his way’.

Fine. Sonny was horny. He was only human.

Sonny had worked his way up to three fingers when his phone rang.

This?

This was a bad sign.

Sonny put the phone on speaker and prayed for the best.

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry.”

There it was.

Sonny sighed as he slowly pulled his fingers out.

“Why are you sorry, Rafi?”

“Wait. What was that? What are you doing?”

Oops. 

Maybe Sonny’s sigh had been a little too obvious.

“Nothing?”

Sonny heard some rustling. Rafael was probably trying to cover his phone, to speak quietly so no one would hear wh–

“Are you _touching_ yourself, Sonny?”

Sonny had apparently underestimated Rafael’s ability to read his mind. Or, at the very least, to identify his sighs.

“Someone’s gotta do it.”

Sonny didn’t need to see Rafael’s smirk. He could practically hear it.

“So you figured you’d do it yourself? _Without_ me?”

Sonny decided to really give Rafael something to smirk about.

“ _For_ you, Rafi. I’m getting myself ready _for_ you. So you won’t have to wait. So you can come home and find me all nice and open for y–”

Rafael made an involuntary sound, a low moan which instantly had Sonny stroking himself again.

“Dammit, Sonny. I can’t make it. I’ll be stuck here for at least 2, maybe 3 hours.”

Of course.

Sonny should have known that an entire evening with Rafael was too good to be true.

But then, maybe the whole thing didn’t have to be a bust.

“Will you tell me something, Rafi?”

“Sure. What?”

“No, I mean, will you say something?”

Rafael paused.

“You want me to say something _while_ you touch yourself?”

Sonny kept stroking. Maybe it was weird, but even when Rafael was saying normal, mundane stuff, that voice was still enough to get Sonny going.

“Yeah. Yes. Just… Just say something.”

“I don’t have time for this, Sonny.”

That was what Rafael said, but it wasn’t what he meant. Rafael’s voice had suddenly gotten low and breathy. Just how Sonny liked it.

“That’s the point, Rafi. If you had time, you’d be here, and I wouldn’t have to touch myself. You’d be touching me. It’d be your fingers in me.”

Another low moan. Sonny really hoped Rafael was alone.

“Just my fingers?”

Alright. Now they were getting somewhere. Sonny’s strokes got faster, and he pressed three fingers inside again, as deep as he could manage.

“Yeah. At first. At first it’d be your fingers, 3 fingers, even though your hands are bigger than mine, and it’d be a stretch, but I’d take it, and then … Then you’d put your mouth on me, and you’d–” 

Another moan. Except this one sounded more exasperated.

“Jesus, Sonny, I can’t listen to this right now. I gotta… I can’t. I gotta go.”

“No, Rafi, come on. I’ll stop. You talk.”

“I’m in _public,_ Sonny.”

“I don’t care. You don’t have to talk dirty. Just keep talking. Where are you?”

Rafael chuckled.

“Just keep talking? Okay. I’m at the Mayor’s office, in the lobby, because his schedule suddenly cleared up so he moved up tomorrow’s meeting. He wants me to meet with some council members, to discuss a speech they want me to give at the Community Center up in… Is this really doing it for you, Sonny? Seriously?”

“Yeah… Keep talking.”

Sonny never said he wasn’t desperate.

There was more rustling, and Rafael’s voice got even quieter.

“Are you close?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me. Tell me what you’re doing.”

Sonny didn’t stop stroking, didn’t stop pushing his fingers in, deeper, but he did frown.

“I just did.”

Rafael paused. Sarcastically. Sonny didn’t know how that was possible, only that it was.

“Well _do_ go on.”

“That’s not how it works, Rafi. I already told you. Now you’re supposed to tell _me._ What you wanna do to _me.”_

“I’m not going to argue about the rules, Sonny. And I can’t really talk right now. So _you_ talk. Tell me.”

“Fine. But you’re doing it wrong, just so you know.”

“ _Sonny.”_

Sonny was not the least bit surprised to discover that bickering with Rafael was making him even harder.

“Okay, okay. Alright. I’m–”

“Uh, thank you for calling, sir. Now, you’ll have to excuse me. The mayor’s here.”

_No._

“No, Rafi, come on. You’re killing me.”

“Yes, it was good talking to you too.”

“No, it freakin’ _wasn’t_ , Rafi.”

Rafael let out a laugh before composing himself.

“Good afternoon.”

Sonny chose not to respond.

~ ~ ~

It was a good thing Sonny hadn’t waited up, because those ‘2, maybe 3 hours’ since their failed attempt at phone sex ultimately turned into 4 hours and change. 

According to Sonny’s alarm clock, it was almost 20 minutes after nine and Rafael was just now getting home. Sonny heard the front door opening in his sleep, and he even cracked an eye open long enough check the time, but he did not get up.

Sonny was beat. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in almost a week, what with the case and all, and their bed was really comfy, and Sonny had fallen asleep without even realizing it. He’d probably fallen asleep just minutes after Rafael had abruptly hung up on him and ruined his evening.

“Sonny? Are you awake?”

Finally. The culprit. Whispering and sounding guilty as hell. 

“Do I look awake, Rafi?”

Rafael climbed on the bed, leaned over Sonny and gave him a kiss.

“You fell asleep like that? Naked? Over the covers? You’ll be lucky if you don’t catch your death.”

What?

“Thanks, Grandma. Is that the first thing that comes to your mind when you see me naked in bed? After 4 days of not seeing me at all? That I’ll get a cold?”

Rafael laughed out loud.

“Come on, Sonny. Don’t be snippy. I said I was sorry.”

“No you didn’t.”

Rafael hesitated.

“I… didn’t. You’re right. I’m sorry. But I had no choic–”

“No excuses, Rafi.”

Rafael smiled.

“You’re right again. I’m sorry. I missed you. And I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah? When? Before or after you cover me up with a hand-woven quilt?”

Rafael laughed again as he started running his fingers on Sonny’s body, on Sonny’s thighs, on Sonny’s belly.

Rafael’s hands were cold.

“I’ll make it up to you right now, but only if you stop sassing me.”

Oh.

Finally, a good answer.

Rafael didn’t wait for Sonny to agree; he just got up and started getting undressed at an impressive speed. Sonny grinned and pushed off the covers.

Wasting no time, Rafael got back in bed and rolled onto Sonny, settling comfortably between Sonny’s legs, already spread wide. Sonny couldn’t help himself, not after the afternoon he’d had; he started rubbing against Rafael’s hip, getting hard again embarrassingly fast.

Rafael moaned and started grinding, pushing down, kissing Sonny’s lips, Sonny’s neck.

Contact.

At last.

Sonny had just gotten a handful of Rafael’s ass when he felt two of Rafael’s fingers, low, teasing, testing to see just how far Sonny had gotten in his preparation.

“You’re about 3 and a half hours too late for that to work, Rafi.”

“It’s okay. I’ll start over.”

Another good answer.

And another kiss.

Maybe Sonny couldn’t get an entire evening with Rafael, but he could at least get a few very pleasurable hours.

Or, like, one pleasurable hour. Or maybe he should make that a pleasurable 45 minutes, because Sonny was just now noticing that Rafael looked exhausted.

Rafael practically moaned when he reached for the nightstand, and not in a good way. It was more like an old person moan, not that Sonny would ever say that out loud. Rafael looked so tired. Sonny didn’t know how he’d missed it. Probably because he’d been too busy trying to sass Rafael for leaving him hanging.

Sonny caressed Rafael’s face, felt Rafael’s fine wrinkles against his fingertips, saw Rafael’s dark circles.

“You have a good day, Rafi?”

Rafael narrowed his eyes, though he didn’t let Sonny’s question derail him from pursuing his goal.

Rafael’s goal being, of course, to push his fingers inside Sonny, to push them in, to pull them out, in and out, slowly.

“Yes. Why? Would you like to hear more about my meeting with the Mayor? Does that turn you on?”

Okay. Rafael’s exhaustion was just physical. Rafael was tired, but in a great mood. That was good enough for Sonny.

“Just checking. Go on.”

Rafael smirked. 

“Since we’re just checking, how was your day? I meant to ask you about the case before, when we were on the phone, but somehow I got sidetracked.”

It was Sonny’s turn to smirk.

“We got the guy. It’s all good. Your friend Casey is gonna have an ironclad cas–”

“Don’t.”

Sonny cracked up. Rafael hated it when Sonny so much as mentioned Casey’s name, especially in bed.

Which was why Sonny liked doing it.

“What is it, Rafi? I thought you liked Cas–”

“ _Don’t._ I’m serious.”

Rafael certainly looked serious. That was new. Usually he just scoffed for a second. Sonny hadn’t meant to make him m–

“I hate that she gets to work with you. She gets to see you all the time. I never see you. I haven’t seen you in 4 days. Sometimes… It’s just harder than I thought.”

Oh.

Was that why Rafael always got so irritated whenever Casey came up in conversation? Because he missed Sonny?

Sonny had no idea. And now he felt guilty for always joking about it.

“It hasn’t been easy for me either, Rafi. But I’m here now. And you’re here.”

Rafael nodded, and then he kissed Sonny, slow and long and deep. Savoring it.

Sonny had truly missed this. Rafael’s mouth. Rafael’s tongue. Rafael’s hands, those large hands squeezing his hips. Rafael’s fingers, sliding inside him. Rafael, hard against him.

Sonny sucked on Rafael’s bottom lip and wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist, hands feeling Rafael’s body all over. Rafael was still a lot smaller than he used to be, though he had stopped losing weight, at least. Which would be great, except Sonny knew full well that Rafael wasn’t eating any better. He figured Rafael’s weight had just plateaued.

“What is it, Sonny?”

Rafael had noticed that Sonny was distracted. Sonny didn’t think this was the best time to be bringing up Rafael’s weight, not without making Rafael feel self-conscious, so he started licking Rafael’s neck, instead.

“Nothing. Go on.”

Rafael didn’t need to be told a third time.

They kept kissing and grinding for a few minutes, but something was off. The pace, Sonny realized. Rafael’s movements were slower than usual, and Sonny wasn’t faring much better. The truth was, they were both way too tired. Sonny almost considered calling the whole thing off, but, well, he  _was_ only human. 

Still, maybe there was something Sonny could do to speed up the proceedings.

“Want me to get on top, Rafi?”

“God, _yes.”_

Rafael rolled off of Sonny, relief evident on his face.

Sonny laughed as he lowered himself on top of Rafael, as he pushed his hips down, feeling just how hard Rafael was for him.

Speaking of Rafael, he wasn’t moving much. He was just smirking, seemingly content to just sit back and let Sonny do all the work, as always. 

Sonny leaned down and tried to kiss that smirk away.

“You know, you don’t deserve this, Rafi. Not after hanging up on me. I should be making you work for it.”

“You _wouldn’t.”_

Great. Not only had Sonny failed in kissing Rafael’s smirk away, but that smirk had gotten even cockier.

Rafael had called Sonny’s bluff. Probably because Sonny hadn’t stopped moving his hips, not even for a second, not even to make his threat sound a little more credible.

Oh well.

Sonny kept kissing Rafael, he kept grinding against Rafael at a pace which was kind of slow for him, but still exorbitantly fast compared to Rafael’s previous sluggish rhythm. Sonny knew he should really stop humping Rafael and cut to the chase, but this leisurely cadence was kind of working for him. Sonny just wanted to spend a few more minutes, just like that.

He wanted a few more minutes to enjoy the feeling of Rafael’s hands, firmly attached to his hips, squeezing, tight, fingers digging in. Sonny wanted to wait. Sonny wanted to focus on that sensation alone, for a little while longer.

Sonny waited a little too long.

Because, suddenly, Sonny could no longer feel Rafael’s hands on his hips. Rafael’s hands had slid down to the bed, where they lay, motionless. Just like the rest of him. Save for his chest rising and falling.

Rafael had fallen asleep.

Sonny took a deep breath and counted to ten.

And then to twenty.

By the time he got to eighty-four, Sonny had rolled off of Rafael and regained his composure.

Sonny couldn’t say he was surprised. And he couldn’t really blame Rafael, either.

Well, he could, and he did, but he also understood.

Rafael was overworked. More than usual. Sure, they had made plans, but some things were out of their control. Sonny took comfort in the thought that Rafael would feel extremely guilty and he’d probably attempt to make it up to Sonny in various, creative ways.

On his next afternoon off.

Which would be after the election, probably.

Only 2 more months to go.

Sonny was ashamed to admit that he did consider waking Rafael up, but he decided against it. Rafael would forget to eat, Rafael would drink a little too much; Sonny didn’t want to add sleep deprivation to the list of Rafael’s election-related problems.

In the end, Sonny thought it best to try and get some sleep too. He picked up the covers, he carefully arranged them over Rafael, over himself, and then he waited.

Sonny waited, until he realized that he had just woken up from a 4-hour afternoon nap, which made going back to sleep almost impossible. That, plus it wasn’t even 10 o’clock yet.

With a sigh, Sonny got up, pulled on a pair of sweatpants and went to the kitchen, suddenly very glad that he had bothered to get that pizza. 

~ ~ ~

Just as Sonny was enjoying his third slice, idly channel surfing on the couch, the phone rang.

The caller ID said it was Lucia. Probably calling to talk to her son on one of his rare afternoons off.

It seemed that her luck was no better than Sonny’s.

“Hello?”

“Sonny! How are you? How’s Rafi? Can I talk to him?”

Sonny smiled.

Lucia was usually more than happy to chat with him for several minutes, and that was an understatement, but lately she kept asking for Rafael as soon as Sonny picked up the phone.

Sonny understood that all too well. He often exaggerated that he never got to see Rafael, even though they lived in the same house. But in Lucia’s case, ‘never’ was literal. 

Rafael was way too busy to visit his mother, and he was often too busy to even call her, despite Sonny’s prodding. Sonny would still have the occasional brunch with Lucia, but she really missed her son, and Sonny couldn’t blame her.

“He’s asleep. He was really tired and he went to bed as soon as he came home.”

That was as close to the truth as Sonny was willing to get when talking to Rafael’s moither.

“Oh. That’s alright. He needs the rest. Has he been eating any better?”

Sonny sighed.

“Not unless I’m there to feed him, no.”

Lucia sighed as well.

“I’ll give you a recipe. It’s his favorite. It was, since he was a little boy. Hold on, I’ll e-mail it to you right now.”

Sonny grinned. Lucia always found a way to be present in their lives, even electronically.

“I’m not much of a cook, Lucia.”

“Nonsense! It’s nothing complicated. My instructions are very detailed. But you can call me if you need any help. That’s what family is for.”

Family.

Lucia was calling him family. Just like Bella had done for Rafael. 

It was true, wasn’t it?

Weren’t they all family?

Wasn’t Rafael Sonny’s family too, now?

No, actually.

Not officially, at least.

Not yet.

“Hey, Lucia, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“It’s not… I probably shouldn’t be doing this over the phone, but, uh... Me and Rafi, we…”

“Yes? You and Rafi what?”

Lucia already sounded excited. She had gone from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.

The exact opposite of Sonny, who had suddenly gotten tongue-tied.

He  _wanted_ to talk to Lucia, he wanted to tell her, he wanted to tell her about the ring, he wanted to tell her how he’d spent 2 weeks trying to find something that reminded him of Rafael, something Rafael would actually want to wear, something simple but elegant, something which wouldn’t attract attention but which would be immediately identifiable as a token of love.

Sonny wanted to tell Lucia all those things, because he didn’t think it was fair that only his own family knew. Lucia was about to become his family, and she deserved to know too.

The problem was, he was finding it hard to say, ‘I want to marry your son.’

Wait.

That was actually a pretty good way of putting it.

“Uh, look. I really… I want… I’d like to, uh.”

“For your sake, Sonny, I hope you do a better job when you ask _him.”_

Sonny laughed out loud. It wasn’t often that Lucia got snarky with him. She always saved her best jabs for her son.

“Yeah. That makes two of us.”

Lucia chuckled, before getting serious again.

“Listen, Sonny. You’ve had my blessing since the first time we met. I told Rafi that day. I could see how much you love him. And I know that he loves you too. I know he’s happy with you. Happier than I’ve ever seen him. Not… Not that I’d know, not really.”

“Of course you’d know. You’re his mom.”

Lucia exhaled.

Sonny didn’t want her to go down that road. Rafael had told Sonny that she still had a lot of regrets, about keeping him at arm’s length for so many years, about ignoring the truth, but that was in the past.

“Well. If you say so. My point is, you have my blessing. Not that you need it. But still, I’m grateful that you asked. Or that you tried to ask. Poorly.”

Another jab? What was going on?

“Come on, Lucia! I get enough teasing from Rafi.”

“You’ll be getting it from me too, from now on. Nothing will make me happier than to call you my son. But the teasing, it comes with the territory. Ask Rafi.”

Oh.

Sonny was sincerely touched.

It was a true testament to Lucia’s skills that she had managed to do that; to make Sonny emotional, by effectively promising that she’d start being mean to him. No wonder Rafael always said she was his inspiration.

“Thank you. And… Rafi really appreciates the way you’ve treated me. I already feel like your son. I hope you know that. Rafi does.”

Lucia exhaled again.

“I should be thanking you, Sonny. I know you push him a little bit, to see me more often, to call me more regularly, to include me a little more in your lives. I’m grateful for that too.”

Sonny couldn’t believe how well this was going. It was hard to even remember why he’d been so nerv–

“Now, when do you think you’ll propose?” 

Oh yeah.

_That_ was why he had been so nervous.

“I don’t know. After the election?”

“The general election that’s in 4 months, or the primary that’s in 2 months?”

Sonny blinked.

“Uh. The primary? I think?”

“You think? Come on, Sonny. There’s no reason to wait at all, let alone 2 whole months.”

“Isn’t there? This campaign has been pretty hard on Rafi. Wouldn’t this add to his stress?”

“Being engaged to you? I fail to see how. You’re the only person who can make him relax. You always have been.”

Sonny supposed that was true. Unfortunately, Rafael wasn’t the only factor to consider when it came to proposing during this campaign.

“Yeah, well, if I propose now, it might interfere with the campaign strategy. Rafi might have to ask _Timothy_ for permission before he says yes.”

“That conceited moron? Pardon my language? Please. What does _he_ know? I always thought married candidates were more popular, anyway.”

Maybe it was petty, but Sonny loved the fact Lucia hated Timothy almost as much as he did. 

“Even if they’re married to me?”

Lucia chuckled.

“What’s so bad about you, Sonny? You’re wonderful. But, seriously, don’t listen to me. I don’t want to meddle. Do it whenever you choose. Whenever it feels right. Just don’t wait too long, okay?”

Lucia was smiling. Sonny could tell. Lucia was smiling as she spoke, and she was echoing Olivia, who had said the exact same thing. Bella, too, actually. She was always pestering him about proposing. All his sisters were.

Maybe he’d do it.

Maybe sooner rather than later.

“I won’t.”

“Alright. Call me if you need help with the recipe, I’ll walk you through it. Goodnight, Sonny. I love you.”

This was not how Sonny had pictured his evening.

Sitting on the couch, in his sweatpants, on the phone with Rafael’s mother, trying not to tear up over a half-eaten pizza.

This was even better.

“I love you too, Lucia. Goodnight.”

~ ~ ~

Sonny didn’t even get to see Rafael the next morning. Which was unusual. Sonny had the morning off, after working all those nights in a row, and Rafael did have an early meeting, but still. Sonny thought he’d get to talk to Rafael, at least for a few minutes, before Rafael left for work.

And by ‘talk to’ Sonny meant ‘chew out’.

Sadly, it seemed that Rafael had anticipated Sonny reaction to the previous night’s fiasco, so he’d opted to sneak out without waking Sonny up.

Sonny was actually pretty pissed off about it. 

Which didn’t explain why he had printed out Lucia’s recipe and why he was trying to make sense of it after an early morning grocery run. On his morning off, no less.

Sonny really,  _really_ loved Rafael. 

Just as he was considering taking up Lucia on her offer and calling for clarifications, Sonny’s phone buzzed.

Rafael. Finally.

‘ _Are you up yet?’_

A text? Really?

Sonny refused to make this easy for Rafael.

‘ _Why?’_

Rafael took a few moments to respond.

‘ _I love you.’_

Sonny snorted.

‘ _I’m not that easy, Rafi.’_

‘ _Yes you are.’_

As he stood over a steaming pot, in an apron, stirring intermittently, Sonny realized that, yes, he was that easy.

And then he texted back.

‘ _I love you too.’_

He could just see Rafael’s smirk.

‘ _Can you come over for lunch, Sonny? Before you go in? I miss you. I want to see you.’_

Sonny frowned. Rafael’s invitations for lunch were never this schmaltzy. He would usually text such poetry as, ‘I have 23 minutes free, starting at 13:17. Don’t be late.’

So, Rafael felt guilty. With good reason.

So what? Sonny wasn’t about to be swayed by a saccharine text or three.

Amusing as they were.

‘ _You could have seen me this morning, but you snuck off.’_

‘ _Please? I really want to see you, Sonny.’_

Sonny shook his head. He wasn’t buying it for a second. He knew for a fact that Rafael was smirking in that very moment, waiting for Sonny’s reply.

Sonny made sure to respond appropriately.

‘ _Cut the crap, Rafi.’_

Only a few seconds later, Sonny’s phone rang.

That was better.

“Hello?”

“Come on, Sonny. I’m sorry. I overslept and I was in a hurry. And, even if I had woken you up, we’d have only had maybe 45 seconds to talk. Come on. Come over for lunch. I’ve set aside 30 minutes. Just for you. No interruptions.”

Excuses, excuses.

“30 whole minutes?”

“ _Sonny.”_

There he was.

No sweet-talk. No ‘pretty please’, no ‘but I really want to see you’. Just a stern, brisk, ‘Sonny’.

That was all it ever took.

“Fine, Rafi. I’ll be there at noon. I’ll bring the food.”

“Good. Don’t be late!”

Sonny rolled his eyes as he hung up.

~ ~ ~

Rafael’s campaign staff was bustling. Sonny had arrived at Rafael’s office just before noon, only to find a frantic Carmen too busy fielding calls to even greet him.

According to one of the more helpful interns, a college kid Rafael was convinced had a huge crush on Sonny, they were waiting on a new poll. The numbers were due any minute, and the sample size was considerably larger than that of the previous polls, so this was a make-or-break moment. This poll would be considered a strong indicator of the actual result of the primary.

Sonny reconsidered the main purpose of his visit, which was to try and talk to Rafael about eating better.

The secondary purpose of Sonny’s visit was, of course, to tease Rafael, and Sonny was not reconsidering  _that._ That was happening. Sonny already had the jokes and everything. Rafael had hung up on Sonny, at the worst possible moment, and then he had fallen asleep  _in flagrante delicto,_ and he was going to pay the price. 

But perhaps this was a bad day for Sonny to present Rafael with a homemade, undoubtedly inferior version of one of his favorite childhood meals, and to use said meal as a segue into a tactful conversation about Rafael’s recent eating habits.

That conversation was going to have to wait, because Sonny suspected that Rafael would be in need of a distraction.

At 12 o’clock sharp, Sonny walked in Rafael’s office and found Timothy there. On his way out, hopefully.

“Sonny! Big day today! Fingers crossed.”

Wow. Timothy was being genuinely nice to Sonny, and he seemed happy. Maybe he had a line on those poll numbers.

Before Sonny could respond, cordially for once, Rafael interjected.

“Timothy, Sonny and I are going to take lunch. We’ll be about 30 minutes, but feel free to interrupt when those poll numbers come in, alright?”

Sonny would have protested, because he had been promised the full 30 minutes, no interruptions, but this poll sounded like a pretty big deal, and Sonny himself was eager to hear the results.

“Alright, Rafael. But the two of you might want to take a longer lunch, because a little bird just texted me and it looks like the numbers will be coming in about an hour. Some last minute verification thing, apparently. And, don’t tell anyone just yet, but we might have something to celebrate later.”

Timothy left with an actual smile on his face.

It was weird.

Rafael was smiling too, cautiously.

Sonny liked the sight of that.

“Good news, huh? I’ve never seen him so happy.”

Still smiling, Rafael got off his chair, stepped closer, and then he gave Sonny a kiss.

A long kiss.

Hopefully the first step in a lengthy conciliatory process which would result in Sonny eventually forgiving Rafael for leaving him hanging twice.

“Maybe we should take this to the couch, Rafi.”

Rafael smirked and lowered his hands down to Sonny’s ass, squeezing.

“Already? You just got here. How impatient.” 

Sonny smirked back.

“No, I mean, in case you wanna take a nap.”

Rafael scoffed, and Sonny felt especially proud of himself for sticking to his guns and landing that joke, for remaining unaffected by the feeling of Rafael’s hands on him.

Or, well, mostly unaffected.

“Fine. I deserved that. Look, Sonny, I know you must be feeling a little frustrated, but–”

“A _little?”_

Rafael’s scoff turned into a smile. If Sonny didn’t know any better, he’d think that Rafael was relishing in his misery.

“ _But_ , we have an hour to ourselves, if we’re lucky, so let’s just enjoy our lunch. Okay?”

Rafael gave him another kiss.

Sonny smiled and nodded, before picking up his bag and walking over to Rafael’s desk. After making some space, Sonny warily pulled out two Tupperware containers. At least he wouldn’t have to reheat the food, because according to Lucia this dish was best served in room temperat–

“Wait, did you see my mom? Did she send this?”

That was a good sign. Rafael hadn’t immediately identified Sonny’s attempt to recreate Lucia’s cooking as a poorly made knock-off.

“No. I made it. She gave me the recipe.”

Rafael did a double take.

“You what? When? And where was I while this was all happening?”

“This morning. And you were here. I _guess._ I don’t know for sure, ‘cause you snuck out without saying anything. On what would have been our first morning waking up together after 4 days.”

Rafael grinned as he opened up a container and took a whiff.

“And yet you still cooked for me.”

It was Sonny’s turn to scoff.

“Yeah. And what do I get? A whole 30 minutes.”

Rafael had no response for that, other than a tiny eye-roll.

Rafael had no response, because he was too busy chowing down on the food.

Sonny couldn’t help a smile. He hadn’t seen Rafael eating so enthusiastically in a long while. Lucia had really come through for him with the recipe.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Sonny? And why aren’t you eating? I’ll have yours too if you don’t want it. This is really good.”

Sonny’s smile got wider. Rafael seemed to be in a good mood; maybe Sonny could make an ‘offhand’ comment about his eating habits, after all. 

“It’s just good to see you eat, Rafi. You know you haven’t been eating well. You’ve lost a lot of weight.”

Rafael raised that one, sarcastic eyebrow of his as he kept scarfing down his food.

“I could stand to lose some more. I’m always on camera now, and it does add 10 pounds.”

Nice try.

“Right. ‘Cause that’s why you’re losing weight. To look good on camera. Not because you forget to eat. Not because you’re too stressed out.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I have you to remind me. And to cook for me.”

Alright, no way was Sonny going to let Rafael get out of this conversation by making a jok–

“And to help me relax. To make me forget about the polls, and the numbers, and the endorsements. It’s a good thing I have you, Sonny.”

Sonny sighed.

Rafael was still in ass-kissing mode. 

A small part of Sonny thought that these little tiffs with Rafael were fun, because Rafael always tried to overcompensate with uncharacteristically sentimental comments, and Sonny kind of loved those. 

But the rest of Sonny, the rational parts of him, thought that a few sentimental comments wouldn’t cut it.

“That’s nice, Rafi. You know what would be even nicer? If you tried to take care of yourself a little better. If you didn’t drink on an empty stomach. If you didn’t think that coffee and those multi-vitamins are an acceptable form of sustenance.”

Rafael’s eyes got softer.

“You worried about me, Sonny?”

“You have to ask?”

Rafael smiled.

Except this smile wasn’t teasing, wasn’t cocky, wasn’t flirty. This smile wasn’t a transparent attempt by Rafael to get Sonny off his back.

This smile was sincere. Warm. Loving.

“Alright. I’ll try. I promise. Look, I’m already trying. I finished the whole thing. All done. And you can leave me your share, I’ll eat it later. Okay?”

Sonny nodded. He could always resist Rafael’s corny compliments, but he could never resist Rafael’s earnest smiles.

“Okay. There’s more at home.”

Rafael grinned.

“There is? Good. Now, by my watch, we still have about 45 minutes. Unless the poll numbers come in earlier. But, you know what, the numbers can wait.”

Sonny was confused, and Rafael’s little grin wasn’t helping.

“45 minutes for what?”

“For me to make it up to you. For last night. For the last 4 days. Whatever you want. Anything. You name it.”

_Oh._

Now it all made sense. The cutesy texts, and Rafael’s extreme eagerness to have Sonny come over, and the way Rafael had finished his lunch in record time.

“Anything? That’s a pretty lofty promise, Rafi.”

Rafael kept grinning.

“Try me.”

Sonny tried not to moan as he got up and locked the door embarrassingly fast.

As Rafael looked on, still grinning, Sonny stepped around the desk to face him.

Rafael tried to stand up, probably to move to the couch, but Sonny pushed him down by the shoulders.

“Don’t get up, Rafi.”

Rafael seemed to catch on. Or so he thought; he leaned forward and reached for Sonny’s belt, but Sonny batted his hands away.

Sonny was hopeless.

Sonny was literally being offered whatever he wanted. Anything. And all Sonny wanted was to get on his knees for Rafael. 

Hopeless.

Rafael looked surprised as he watched Sonny kneeling in front of him.

Surprised and turned on.

“This is what you want, Sonny?”

Sonny nodded, his hands already on Rafael’s zipper.

Rafael practically growled as he pulled Sonny in, as he kissed Sonny deeply, as he pushed his thighs together, pinning Sonny there while he licked at Sonny’s lips, at Sonny’s tongue.

That was Sonny’s favorite feeling. Rafael’s strong thighs, keeping him in place.

Sonny started caressing those thighs, started spreading Rafael’s legs to make more room.

Rafael’s legs parted readily.

Rafael leaned back in his chair, and waited.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Sonny licked his lips and lowered Rafael’s zipper, pulled Rafael’s slacks down, a little lower, he reached inside, reached for Rafael with eager hands, gave Rafael a stroke, then another, and then he bent down t–

Rafael’s phone.

It was ringing.

Of course.

Sonny sighed and pushed himself up, using Rafael’s knees for support.

Rafael looked devastated.

Hilariously.

Rafael looked hilariously devastated as he sat in his armchair, half-hard, his pants pulled down, visibly torn between wanting to pick up the phone and wanting to keep Sonny from leaving.

If Sonny hadn’t already gotten fully hard, just from the anticipation, just from that kiss, just from touching Rafael for 5 seconds, if he wasn’t about to be left hanging for the third time, he’d be laughing.

Sonny wasn’t laughing.

“Wait, wait, Sonny, don’t go. It’ll probably only take a minute. Please.”

Oh.

Rafael wanted to have it both ways.

Rafael’s phone was still ringing.

Sonny didn’t want to leave, but he wasn’t buying that whole ‘it’ll only take a minute’ excuse either. Sonny almost felt that he  _should_ leave, just to make a point. Just to show that all these interruptions were getting to him.

Sonny didn’t want to leave.

Rafael probably sensed that dilemma, because he grabbed at Sonny’s tie and tried to pull Sonny closer. Sonny went along with it, went along with Rafael’s hands as they guided him, as they pushed him backwards, as Sonny’s ass landed on Rafael’s desk, barely missing the empty containers.

Sonny tried to get up again, however feebly, but Rafael held on to Sonny’s tie, wrapped it once around his palm, tugged at it, almost like it was a leash.

To his shame, Sonny moaned.

Rafael grinned, Sonny’s tie still held tightly in his hand. Rafael gave Sonny’s neck one more tug, laughing at Sonny’s subsequent little groan, and then he casually picked up the phone. 

“Hello?”

Sonny sat on Rafael’s desk and waited. He had waited for 4 days already; he could wait a few more minutes.

As the phone call went on, for way longer than a minute, by the way, Rafael started absentmindedly pulling at Sonny’s tie a little harder. Sonny grabbed his hand to still it, and couldn’t help noticing that Rafael was frowning.

Bad news, then.

Had the numbers come in? Had Timothy’s intel been wrong?

Rafael wasn’t speaking, he was just listening, and Sonny couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, so he mouthed, ‘the poll?’

Shaking his head, Rafael mouthed ‘no’.

That was something.

Sonny untangled Rafael’s hand from his tie and held it. Rafael immediately started squeezing Sonny’s hand, like he always did, like Sonny’s palm was his own private stress ball.

Sonny didn’t mind.

He never did.

“Wait, so it’s not official yet? She’s reconsidering, but she might still endorse me?”

Oh.

Sonny figured out what the phone call was about. A Congresswoman had promised her support, and Rafael’s team had asked her to hold off on the official endorsement until a date closer to the election, for maximum impact. Apparently, she was now dilly-dallying.

“She doesn’t want to endorse anyone? Bullshit. You know what that means, Timothy. She was going to endorse me, but now she thinks I might lose, and she doesn’t want to publicly support a loser.”

‘Loser’?

Sonny frowned too.

He could see Rafael tensing up again. Just from this one phone call. Just this one piece of information had instantly ruined Rafael’s mood.

Well.

Not if Sonny could help it.

Sonny reached for Rafael’s suspenders and started pulling them down until Rafael tried to stop him, until Rafael mouthed ‘no’.

Unconvincingly.

Sonny wasn’t deterred.

Sonny lowered Rafael’s suspenders completely, smiling as Rafael obediently moved his arms out of the way even as he kept mouthing ‘no’. Sonny loosened up Rafael’s tie, took it off, undid 3, 4, 5, all of the buttons on Rafael’s shirt.

Rafael was no longer mouthing ‘no’.

Rafael was mouthing ‘wait’.

Sonny was done waiting.

Sonny pushed Rafael’s armchair a little further back and he hopped off the desk. He bent down and started kissing Rafael’s neck as he slipped one of his hands below Rafael’s undershirt. Sonny kept kissing Rafael’s neck, licking at Rafael’s jaw, biting at Rafael’s collarbone, as he ran his fingers through Rafael’s chest hair, as he finally felt skin, after 4 long days.

Rafael was breathing heavily, but not in a way which would be immediately noticeable to Timothy, on the other end of the line.

Sonny thought that was disappointing.

Sonny decided to try harder.

Sonny kneeled down again, one hand on Rafael’s barely-there belly and another on Rafael’s thigh, and he licked at Rafael, he took Rafael in his mouth, no hands, kissing gently at first, just lips, because Rafael was still soft, and then sucking, slowly, teasing with his tongue, until Rafael started getting fuller, thicker, until Rafael’s hips jerked, until Rafael let out a long moan.

Timothy had to have heard that.

Rafael bit his lip as he looked down at Sonny, eyes wide. 

Sonny pulled his mouth off of Rafael just long enough to smirk, his tongue teasing all the while, licking a slow, long line upwards, and then he bent back down, taking Rafael in, even deeper.

“Yes, sorry about that. Ah… Yes, we’ll talk later, Timothy. Come in when you hear about the... About the poll numbers. Yes, you’re right, it _would_ be a good idea to knock first.”

That one was for Sonny.

Sonny chuckled, and Rafael moaned again, louder this time, probably from the vibration he felt from Sonny’s laughter.

Sonny laughed even harder.

Rafael hung up, finally, and he sighed deeply.

“Seriously, Sonny? I was on the phone. What makes you think that’s okay?”

Sonny pulled away again, started stroking Rafael as he grinned.

“You said _anything,_ Rafi.”

Rafael actually seemed impressed by Sonny’s sound argument.

Sonny  _was_ a lawyer. 

“I did. Fair enough. Don’t let me stop you.”

Sonny didn’t need the prompting.

Sonny took Rafael in his mouth again, this time grabbing at Rafael’s pants, where they were still bunched up, about midway down Rafael’s thighs. Sonny held on to the straining, twisted fabric as he closed his eyes; Sonny held on as he started bobbing his head up and down. 

Rafael was clearly enjoying himself, hips gyrating slowly, but Sonny felt something missing. A moment or two later, he realized what it was.

Rafael’s hands.

Rafael’s hands would usually be on Sonny right about now, either pushing Sonny’s head down, or touching Sonny’s face.

Sonny opened his eyes and saw that Rafael’s hands were gripping the armrests of his chair, tightly. Rafael’s knuckles were white.

Rafael was still tense.

Pulling away, Sonny said probably the worst thing he could say in that moment.

“Relax, Rafi.”

As if it were that easy.

Thankfully, Rafael didn’t seem to get very annoyed.

“I _am_ relaxed, Sonny.”

Fine, maybe Rafael  _did_ get a little annoyed.

Or not.

Because Rafael leaned down and kissed Sonny, right on the lips. He put his hands on Sonny’s face, finally, and he kept kissing Sonny, and Sonny kept kissing back, until Rafael exhaled deeply.

Sonny smiled as he felt Rafael’s fingers on his cheeks, on his lips, caressing gently.

Sonny smiled as he felt Rafael’s palm on the back of his head, guiding him back down.

Finally.

As soon as Sonny put his mouth on Rafael, he felt Rafael’s body melting into the chair. Rafael started moaning again, a little too loudly, not that Sonny was about to complain. Rafael kept his hands on Sonny, both hands, on Sonny’s face, Rafael held Sonny there as he started thrusting.

_Finally._

Sonny wasn’t sure who was enjoying this more, Rafael or Sonny himself.

Which was maybe a little pathetic.

Sonny was fine with that.

Sonny didn’t even need to touch himself. All he needed was to listen to Rafael making those sounds. All he needed was to feel Rafael, thrusting in and out of his mouth, again and again, going deeper every time.

Rafael’s thrusts started getting quicker, and Sonny moved his hands to Rafael’s hips, dug his fingers into the soft skin there, Sonny kept his head down, kept his lips soft and his tongue firm, Sonny hummed, Sonny kept humming until he felt Rafael pulsing inside his mouth.

Sonny was careful not to spill a single drop.

He didn’t want to ruin Rafael’s suit.

That was his excuse, anyway.

Sonny didn’t want to miss a single drop.

Rafael’s hips kept jerking for several seconds, even as he slipped out of Sonny’s mouth. Sonny gave Rafael a few more strokes with his hand, hard but slow, licking up the last few beads, cleaning Rafael up. 

Rafael kept breathing heavily, kept caressing Sonny’s cheeks with shaky fingers.

Sonny kissed the inside of Rafael’s palm and started putting Rafael back together. He began with Rafael’s shirt, buttoned it all the way up, and then he tugged at Rafael’s pants. Rafael barely managed to lift up his hips, and only after Sonny’s insistent nudging, but Sonny eventually managed to pull up Rafael’s slacks, to zip them up.

In truth, Sonny was stalling. He was trying to come up with one of his post-coital quips. The ones that always made Rafael roll his eyes fondly. What Rafael probably didn’t know, was that coming up with those gems in the heat of the moment was hard work.

When Sonny reached for Rafael’s suspenders, that was when inspiration struck.

Sonny sat back down on Rafael’s desk, he pulled up the suspenders, dutifully adjusting the straps, he grinned and then he spoke.

“ _Now_ you’re relaxed.”

Nailed it.

Rafael did roll his eyes, very fondly, as he finally started to get his bearings after releasing 4 days’ worth of pent up tension. 

“Come here, Sonny.”

Rafael still couldn’t move, apparently. He could hardly speak, only managing a rough whisper.

Sonny kept grinning as he leaned in again, as he let Rafael lick around his mouth, lick inside his mouth, as he let Rafael kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until it got almost unbearable.

Sonny  _needed_ to come. 

Yesterday.

And then his cellphone rang.

Of course.

Sonny checked the screen.

It was Olivia.

Sonny seriously considered the possibility that every single person in the universe was on a mission to prevent him from having an orgasm.

Rafael had the gall to laugh as Sonny picked up.

“Hello?”

“Carisi, I know you’re not supposed to come in until 2, but we need you. I’m texting you an address, be there as soon as possible.”

_Of course._

“Sure thing, Lieutenant. Meet you there.”

Rafael was still laughing.

Sonny was  _this_ close to crying.

Sonny couldn’t believe he was about to say this, not after the events of the previous day, but here he was.

“I gotta go, Rafi.”

Rafael stopped laughing.

“No you don’t.”

“Yeah I do. Of course I do. Just my luck. When do you… What time do you think you’ll be home tonight?”

“You’re not going anywhere, Sonny.”

Sonny smiled, because that was nice sentiment, but he really did need to go. He got off Rafael’s desk and he took a few steps, trying and failing to adjust himself.

Oh well. Sonny would just have to awkwardly hold his jacket in front of him until he got to his car. Hopefully, by the time he got to the crime scen–

“Sonny, you’re not listening. I’m not letting you leave this office.”

Sonny smiled again, ready to turn around and kiss Rafael goodbye, until he felt a pair of hands on his hips, pulling him back.

“No, Rafi, I can’t. I’m gonna be late.”

Rafael’s grip on Sonny’s hips tightened even more. Rafael practically dragged Sonny backwards, one step after another, and Sonny didn’t really know what Rafael had in mind; not until he felt Rafael’s hands pulling him down, hard.

Suddenly, Sonny found himself on Rafael’s lap.

Facing forward, Rafael’s body warm behind him. Solid, under him.

Rafael flinched for a moment, when Sonny roughly landed on his still sensitive crotch, but then he manhandled Sonny into a more comfortable position, hands urging until Sonny scooted forward, until Sonny’s ass was no longer pressing directly against him.

Sonny didn’t even try to resist. Sonny just let Rafael wrap two strong arms around his torso and pull him backwards, all the way, until his back lay flush against Rafael’s chest. 

This.

This really was more comfortable. This way, Rafael could easily support all of Sonny’s weight. This way, Rafael could rest his jaw on Sonny’s shoulder. This way, Rafael could rub his face against Sonny’s cheek, the feeling of stubble on stubble making Sonny crazy.

Had Sonny said ‘comfortable’? He meant ‘maddening’.

Sonny tried to speak, but Rafael tugged on his tie again and Sonny forgot what he was going to say.

Rafael kissed Sonny’s neck, bit Sonny’s earlobe, put his lips by Sonny’s ear and breathed.

“Stay.”

Sonny nodded as Rafael started running his hands all over his body, his belly, his chest, humming all the while.

After 4 days, Sonny was pretty sure he could come just like this. Just from the low murmur of Rafael’s voice, right in his ear. Just from Rafael’s warm breath on his face. Just from Rafael’s hands, touching him almost innocently.

Well, that wasn’t true.

There was nothing innocent about the way Rafael was touching him.

Rafael kept his left hand across Sonny’s chest, clutching at Sonny’s tie, tugging at it whenever Sonny flinched too much, and used his right hand to quickly undo Sonny’s pants.

Rafael’s dexterity never ceased to amaze Sonny. Sonny couldn’t even undo his own pants singlehandedly, let alone anybody else’s, as those weeks after his injury had prov–

“After all, this isn’t going to take long. Is it?”

Sonny tried to respond, but Rafael reached inside his pants and started stroking firmly. Sonny tilted his head all the way back, moaning.

“Is it? Sonny?”

Rafael kept stroking, in time with his words, in time with his whispers, and Sonny  _really_ wanted to deny it but he had to be realistic. 

“No. It won’t.”

Rafael chuckled as he brushed his lips against Sonny’s cheek, still stroking. Always stroking.

“No? You’re going to come for me, Sonny? Soon?”

Sonny was exhibiting superhuman restraint by not coming that very second, fingers digging into his own thighs. Struggling to last.

“Ye… Yes.”

Rafael kissed Sonny’s chin and licked a line across Sonny’s jaw, from his lips to his ear.

“Good. ‘Cause I got things to do, Sonny.”

A stroke.

“Places to be.”

And another.

“I’m a _very..._ busy…. man.”

Three strokes, in quick succession.

“You know that.”

A kiss behind Sonny’s ear.

“Don’t you, Sonny?”

A hard tug.

Sonny couldn’t speak. He was too busy counting backwards from one thousand by sevens, trying not to come.

“Sonny?”

Another hard tug.

“Answer me.”

A tug at Sonny’s tie.

“You couldn’t have s… Ah… You couldn’t have said all this yesterday, Rafi? On the phone? When I needed it?”

Rafi laughed, low and deep, and Sonny shivered.

“It’s better in person, don’t you think, Sonny?”

A wet kiss on Sonny’s neck.

“Yes. Yeah, Rafi. Yes. It’s better.”

Rafael kept stroking, faster and harder.

“Yes. It is. Because I get to watch you. You like it when I watch you, Sonny?”

Sonny was barely holding it together. He couldn’t move. Rafael’s voice always did this to him.

“Yeah... Yeah.”

Rafael’s hand slowed down. Dangerously.

“Are you close?”

Sonny tried his best to deliver a side-eye Rafael himself would be proud of.

“What do you think?”

Rafael chuckled again.

“You wanna come?”

“ _Yes.”_

Rafael tightened his grip and started stroking Sonny faster again, and faster, and fast– 

“Not yet.”

Rafael let go. Moved his hand away completely.

Sonny didn’t know what he had done to deserve this torture.

“Come on!”

Rafael took hold of Sonny again, his grip loose, and he started stroking lightly. Tickling, almost. Nowhere near hard enough to make Sonny come.

Sonny had been wrong.

_This_ was torture.

Sonny was writhing on Rafael’s lap, stomach twitching with each stroke, as Rafael held him down.

Rafael’s forearm, still across Sonny’s chest, was pinning Sonny’s arms down, so strong, and Sonny couldn’t reach, Sonny couldn’t touch himself, he couldn’t touch Rafael, Sonny couldn’t do anything. 

Sonny was in Rafael’s mercy.

“I can’t, Rafi. It’s been 4 days. Please.”

Rafael kept chuckling, right by Sonny’s ear. It was both the hottest and the most frustrating sound Sonny had ever heard.

“No. Not yet, Sonny. Not until I say so.”

Rafael’s strokes got faster once again, harder, and  _this,_ this was the worst torture of them all.

Sonny  _could_ come. 

But he wouldn’t.

Not until Rafael said so.

“That’s it. Wait. Not yet.”

Sonny was breathing deeply through his nose, his chest rising and falling rapidly under Rafael’s forearm, as Rafael kept stroking.

Rafael let go of Sonny’s tie and moved his hand further up, to Sonny’s neck. He tilted Sonny’s face toward his and kissed Sonny on the mouth, his tongue making it even harder for Sonny to hold off. 

Sonny could move his arms now. He could touch himself, if he wanted.

He did not.

“Please, Rafi.”

Rafael didn’t appear to be in a very giving mood. He kept his strokes steady, firm but not firm enough, and he kept talking, he kept whispering.

“No, Sonny. You’re gonna do as I say.”

Sonny nodded.

Sonny was hopeless.

Gone.

“Okay, Rafi.”

Sonny could feel Rafael smirking against his cheek, could feel Rafael’s hand tightening around him.

“And you’re gonna come when I say.”

“Yeah. Yes.”

“Like a good boy.”

Sonny’s hips shot up before he knew it. Sonny came. Sonny came all over Rafael’s hand, all over himself, maybe all over Rafael’s desk, too. Sonny kept coming as Rafael kept squeezing him, hard, Rafael’s moans almost louder than his own. Sonny kept coming as Rafael kept murmuring, growling, ‘yes’ and ‘that’s it’ and ‘let me see’. 

It took forever for Sonny to stop moving. 

Rafael waited patiently.

Rafael waited, his lips on Sonny’s neck, sucking on Sonny’s pulse.

Rafael waited, his hand still on Sonny, gentle now, until Sonny was all done.

“You okay, Sonny?”

Sonny wasn’t sure.

Sonny’s eyes were closed, his head was thrown back, he couldn’t speak, and his body almost didn’t feel like his own. He had lost all control. Only Rafael was holding him up.

Rafael pressed another small kiss on Sonny’s cheek, as Sonny tried to catch his breath.

“Don’t you have to be somewhere?”

That did the trick.

“Crap.”

Rafael laughed as Sonny tried to get up way too soon. Rafael laughed and then he pulled Sonny back down.

“Wait a minute. Let me.”

Sonny felt Rafael’s fingers carefully tucking him in, pulling up his zipper, and then he felt Rafael’s hand moving across his belly. A soft touch. Rafael was caressing him. Rafael was…

Rafael was wiping his hand on Sonny’s shirt.

“Hey, come on!”

Sonny felt Rafael’s chest shaking. Rafael was laughing again.

“You can have one of my shirts. Yours was already ruined. If anything, you should be thanking me for keeping both your tie _and_ your pants out of the way.”

Sonny looked down and realized that Rafael was right. Sonny had been too out of it to even think about his clothes until it was too late.

“Oh. Thanks. But Liv is gonna know if I’m wearing your shirt. Rollins too. They’re gonna roast me.”

Sonny hesitantly stood up as he spoke, unsure at first if his legs would hold him up. He moved his tie to the side, careful not to ruin it too, and then he started taking off his shirt as he finally turned to look at Rafael.

Rafael was smiling.

Sonny hadn’t seen such a carefree smile on Rafael’s face in months.

Maybe Liv and Amanda  _would_ make fun of him.

It would be worth it.

Anything would be worth it when Rafael looked so happy.

“Go, Sonny. You don’t want to be late. I’ll call you when we hear about the poll.”

Sonny hastily picked up one of Rafael’s spare shirts and put it on.

“Sure, Rafi. _Now_ you’re worried about me being late. Anyway. When are you gonna make it up to me?”

Rafael frowned.

“I thought I just did.”

“I’m not talking about last night. I’m talking about this. What you did today. You need to atone for your behavior, counselor.”

Rafael grinned.

“Offer still stands, detective. _Anything.”_

Sonny didn’t say that he already had what he wanted. Everything he wanted.

Rafael smiling, laughing, being relaxed, being happy.

Sonny suspected Rafael knew, anyway.


	6. Little Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny and Rafael hold hands.

Things were not going well. Sonny didn’t want to admit it, but it was starting to look like Rafael might lose the election. And Sonny was an optimist; if he thought victory was a longshot, he could only imagine what was going through Rafael’s mind.

Actually, Sonny didn’t have to imagine. Sonny knew exactly what Rafael thought about his chances, and so did everybody else. In the last month, Rafael had become uncharacteristically irritable; which, for someone like Rafael Barba, was almost terrifying.

Sonny could see the campaign staff walking on eggshells, every time he visited Rafael’s office. Sonny had also noticed the implementation of what he suspected was an unofficial buddy system among the interns. They would walk around in twos, and they’d knock on Rafael’s door in tandem, even though only one of them would speak. Sonny suspected that they took turns speaking, and that they were trying to avoid being left alone with Rafael.

Sonny couldn’t blame them.

The last month had been… not so good. 

It had started off well enough, with that poll Timothy had been so excited over. According to those numbers, Rafael had been gaining momentum. Rafael had managed to surge ahead of his main opponent, polling first with a non-decisive but decent lead.

In an ideal world, that would have been a great jumping-off point. Rafael was peaking at the right time, and he would kick-start the last leg of his campaign on a high, while Milton Mills would scramble to pull it together.

In the real world, it hadn’t exactly worked out that way.

Rafael had squandered his lead. Not by his own doing, of course. The Mills campaign had started what was effectively a media blitz, booking appearances left and right, while the same media outlets would politely inform Rafael they would contact him ‘at some point in the future regarding any possible appearances’. 

Sonny had no doubt that Mills was utilizing his numerous connections, forged through working in the private sector for decades. Rafael’s work as a prosecutor had severely limited his opportunities to get in good with major corporate players. Sonny admired that, admired the fact Rafael never wanted to be in anyone’s pocket, but in this instance, it was actually hurting him.

With only one month until the primary, Rafael had slipped to second place again. Consistently. In every poll. He was close, theoretically within reach, but always second.

In his rare pessimistic moments, Sonny thought that was worse. Sonny thought it would be better if Rafael were third, or if the distance between him and Mills were more significant. Then Rafael could start accepting defeat. Now, Rafael was in limbo.

And so was Sonny, and so was everyone else.

Timothy actually seemed to be taking it harder than most. Probably because this was shaping up to be his first major loss, which would certainly not be good for business.

Sonny was trying to stay upbeat, but not too upbeat because Rafael hated peppiness. Sonny was just quietly supportive, like always. Mainly, he avoided talking about the specifics of the election when he and Rafael were alone, because he wanted to ease Rafael’s mind after long, stressful days.

That was about to change.

Sonny was in Rafael’s office. At Timothy’s behest, which only served to highlight the severity of the situation. Timothy had called Sonny, for the first time ever, and he had fed Sonny all kinds of blatantly insincere compliments, all ‘you’re the only one who can talk to Rafael,’ and ‘he listens to you,’ and ‘you’ve been so important to this campaign so, please, try to cheer him up a little, he’s scowling in all his interviews and the voters hate scowling.’

Timothy’s shameless cajoling hadn’t worked, of course, but Sonny couldn’t ignore the underlying truth; he  _was_ the only one who could talk to Rafael, and Rafael  _had_ been scowling.

Rafael was miserable. And Sonny needed to fix it. Distracting Rafael, cheering him up with little jokes and hugs and sex, that had worked for almost 5 months. But now things had taken a turn for the worse, and quiet support wasn’t cutting it anymore.

It was time for Sonny to talk about the election. About Rafael’s behavior. About Rafael’s chances. About Rafael possibly losing. About what that would mean.

It was time for Sonny to get real.

Sonny was ushered into Rafael’s office by that one college kid who was always around, that polite dorky guy who would always smile at Sonny a little too eagerly. The kid wasn’t smiling now. 

Rafael was on the phone, discussing his potential endorsement with some big shot or other from  _The New York Times,_ like he had been every day for the past week. Sonny wasn’t surprised. This was a big deal. An endorsement like that would most definitely help Rafael’s campaign. 

Unfortunately, going by Rafael’s expression, things were not going well. Yet again.

The conversation was on the verge of getting improper, if not heated, and Rafael was beginning to get somewhat aggressive, and Sonny was no campaign strategist but he could see no positive outcome.

Sonny approached Rafael’s desk and stood there until he caught Rafael’s eye.

Rafael held up a finger, but Sonny didn’t think waiting was a good idea at that point.

“Hang up, Rafi.”

Rafael initially scoffed at Sonny’s whispered comment, until it seemed to dawn on him that the conversation was  _this_ close to getting out of control. 

“Alright, I hope to hear from you a few days. I appreciate your time. I realize I can be, uh, overly passionate at times, I’m sorry if I… Yes, you’re right, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it? Okay, thank you very much. Goodbye.”

Crisis mostly averted. Rafael seemed to have patched things up w–

“This is a disaster, Sonny. I’m still polling second, the primary is only one month away and I keep losing ground.”

“Good evening to you too, Rafi.”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Yes, yes, good evening, Sonny, whatever.”

“You say the sweetest things.”

Rafael snorted, and maybe he didn’t have time for verbal niceties but he sure had time to get up and give Sonny a kiss.

Or two.

Sonny smiled as he felt Rafael’s hands on his face. Rafael always loved touching his face. Sonny decided to hold off on getting real, just for a few more minutes.

Sonny never said he wasn’t easy.

“There’s still time, Rafi. It’s not ‘only’ a month. It’s one whole month. You can still c–”

“I can still what? Catch up? Please. I haven’t been able to catch up to Mills in 5 ‘whole’ months, what’s this month going to do? I came close, more than once, but then I blew it. 

“What makes you think I can convince the general public to vote for me, when I can’t even convince a newspaper to endorse me? Newspapers are dying. They should be begging to endorse me.”

Sonny didn’t see it fit to point out that Rafael was talking about  _The New York Times,_ and not some local paper.

“They’ll come around, Rafi. The Executive Editor of the _Times_ and the Mayor go way back, and you know he’s been trying to rally support for your campaign. You can bet he’s put in a good word for you. It’ll happen. They’ll endorse you.”

“Of course! You’re right. I should be happy. The Mayor is going all over town asking his buddies to throw me a bone, because I can’t d–”

“Because that’s how it works in politics, Rafi.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes.

Most likely because he was stumped. Sonny was right. This was the norm. Friends in high places trying to help. For a price, perhaps. but still. Rafael had no reason to feel l–

“Right. And you know all about politics, don’t you Sonny? You know how it works and you understand all the intricacies and you can make expert predictions, because you’re a seasoned political analyst. And here I thought you were just some random cop from Staten Island.”

Rafael clearly regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth.

Sonny wasn’t fazed. Rafael always tended to snap when he was frustrated, and he also tended to go for personal insults every time he couldn’t come up with a counterargument.

“An _ad hominem_ attack, counselor? Really? You can do better than that.”

Rafael pulled Sonny closer by the waist.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, Sonny.”

Sonny shook his head.

“You better be sorry. I’m tryin–”

Sonny was interrupted by a kiss. A hasty, small kiss, and then another, and then another, and a few muttered apologies, and Sonny had to admit that Rafael looked disarmingly cute when he was groveling. 

Maybe because it didn’t happen very often. In fact, Sonny was sure that the only reason Rafael was even bothering to apologize was because this particular little jab had evoked memories of that fight they’d had, almost 3 and a half years earlier. 

Sonny knew better now.

Sonny no longer took the insults to heart, not since that fight. 

Strangely, Rafael still did, even though he was the one hurling them. Sonny could see the guilt written on Rafael’s face, after every single insult, no matter how small. 

It was in Rafael’s nature to snap, and he couldn’t stop, much as he tried. And Rafael did try; he had managed to tone it down significantly, for years, but then the election had come along and ruined his progress.

The only thing Rafael could do, short of actually becoming nicer, was to apologize to Sonny profusely, each and every time he snapped. So he did. To Sonny’s amusement.

“I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me, okay, Sonny? I’m an idiot. Just tune me out, for this month. Let’s just wait it out, let’s just wait until the primary, and then I’ll lose, and then everything will go back to normal and I won’t be an asshole anymore.”

Sonny raised a skeptical eyebrow.

Rafael laughed out loud.

Rafael laughed, and then he gave Sonny one more kiss before heading back to his armchair.

Sonny smiled as he sat down. He hadn’t missed Rafael’s defeatist comment, but he figured he’d better focus on the issue at hand, namely Rafael’s attitude. 

“Speaking of you being an asshole, Rafi, I get that this is a stressful situation and all, but freakin’ _Timothy_ called me to talk about your fragile emotional state. That’s how bad it’s gotten. The interns and the volunteers are too scared to talk to you alone, or haven’t you noticed they always come in here in twos? Casey called me and said you wer–”

“Oh? You’ve been talking to Casey? And, what, did she disparage me? Tried to make me look bad? Tried to make you think I’m a nightmare? What a shock. And how do you know the interns are afraid of me? It’s that kid, isn’t it? That 19-year-old infant who looks at you like you hung the moon. Did he tell on me? Did he tell you I was mean to him?”

Sonny cracked up. Still, much as he appreciated Rafael’s effort to deflect by joking, because jokes sure beat the usual insults, Sonny wasn’t falling for it.

“Joking aside, Rafi, and you know I say this with love: you’re losing it.”

Rafael smiled a little sad smile.

“I seem to be losing a lot of things, Sonny. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

There was that negativity again. Which was surprising, because Rafael was not the type to give up so easily. Granted, Sonny did want Rafael to be prepared for defeat, but he didn’t want Rafael to be totally resigned to it. Not yet, anyway. Maybe his chances weren’t that good, but nothing was final.

“You’re not losing anything. Other than your mind, obviously. You’re still in the race.”

Rafael sat back on his chair and looked at Sonny dejectedly. 

“Sonny, I hate to say this, but we’re at that point in the campaign where you should seriously consider getting real. Forget about the pep talks and start preparing me for the inevitable. I’d go with ‘I’ll still love you when you lose, Rafi,’ but feel free to improvise.”

Sonny smiled.

“ _If_ you lose. I’ll still love you _if_ you lose. And I thought that went without saying. I don’t give a crap if you win or lose, Rafi. I’d like for you to win, ‘cause that’s what you want. But, to me, it doesn’t make a difference.”

Rafael looked relieved.

Visibly.

He couldn’t have thought…

“Wait, Rafi, you knew that, right? I didn’t have to say it. You knew it. Right?”

Rafael smirked.

“Of course I knew it. And you didn’t _have_ to say it. I just wanted to hear it. And I knew you were never going to say it if I didn’t ask, because you’re optimistic to the point of delusion, and you still think I have a chance.”

Oh.

That was actually a good point.

Sonny was about to say as much, when he saw Rafael’s eyes glinting. Rafael was testing Sonny. Rafael had gotten the reassurance, and now he wanted the lie. He wanted to hear Sonny telling him that he still had a chance.

Forget getting real.

“Well, I’ll still love you when you lose, Rafi. But, for your information, we’re not there yet. We’re at that point in the campaign where I say ‘you can still win this,’ okay?”

Rafael barely had time to nod before Timothy barged in without knocking.

“We’re screwed.”

Then again, maybe ‘you can still win this’ was a little too optimistic.

Rafael sighed.

“Tell me something I don’t know, Timothy.”

“You wanna hear something you don’t know? How’s this: there are pictures of you and your little boyfriend online. Posted 15 minutes ago. They’re already on several gossip websites. All the right-wing blogs are having a field day. This is a d–”

“Of me and Sonny.”

“Yes, that’s what I s–”

“Of me and _Sonny.”_

Timothy scoffed.

“That’s right, I forgot. You don’t want me to call him your little boyf–”

“ _Timothy.”_

As Rafael and Timothy bickered, Sonny was trying to take it all in.

Pictures of him and Rafael? What kind of pictures? Was this the final nail in the coffin of Rafael’s campaign? And was Sonny to blame? At least partly? 

And how about Rafael’s reaction? Something this serious was happening, and all he could think to do was tell off that asshole Timothy for dissing Sonny?

“Fine. Sonny, I sincerely apologize. Let me rephrase. Rafael, there are pictures of you and the love of your life all over the internet. Is that better?”

Sonny certainly thought so, but he wasn’t going to say it out loud.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is, Timothy.”

Oh.

Rafael had said it for him.

And Rafael was smiling at him. At a time like this. Over something as silly as Sonny being called the love of Rafael’s life.

Had Sonny said ‘silly’?

He meant ‘true’. 

Sonny was the love of Rafael’s life, and Rafael was the love of his.

And in about a month, right after the primary, Sonny would propose and make it official. Proposing after Rafael’s defeat wasn’t Sonny’s dream scenario, but getting married to Rafael was his dream, and yes, Sonny was perfectly aware that this was hokey as hell but it was also true, and– 

“Now, what kind of pictures are we talking about? Sonny and I haven’t been going out much lately, we’re both too busy. What, is this from inside a restaurant or something? I don’t see how bad it can be.

“But, before you say anything, Timothy, even if the pictures appear innocent, I will not deny this relationship. I will not issue some bullshit statement about me and Sonny being ‘just friends’, or about him being a simple colleague.

“I played the eligible bachelor for way too long, on your advice. I played along with this ambiguous image of me that _you_ wanted to create. I waited for you to pick ‘the right moment’ for me to talk about who I am. A moment which, by the way, somehow never came, even though we’re only one month away from the primary. 

“I shouldn’t have listened to you. I should have done it in the first place. I should have been honest, and that’s what I’m going to do now. Lying by omission is one thing. I refuse to lie about Sonny when asked directly. To lie about myself, when asked directly. Is that clear?”

Timothy nodded.

“Fine. Suit yourself. But you better draft your own damn statement in response to these pictures, because I refuse to be associated with this trainwreck of a campaign any longer.”

Rafael opened his mouth to speak, but Timothy stopped him.

“No. You know what? I’ll stay. I’ll stay until the bitter end. But when we lose, know that your choices were what brought us to th–”

“I really have no time for your dramatics, Timothy. The pictures?”

Sonny smirked. Rafael hadn’t been the only one to get more volatile over the course of this campaign. Timothy had apparently quit over 4 times in the last 4 weeks, his longest resignation lasting for about 7 minutes.

Timothy exhaled and pulled out his phone.

“There. You and _Sonny,_ holding hands like teenagers.”

Sonny leaned in for a closer look as Timothy kept scrolling.

There were about 5 pictures. They had been taken only 2 days earlier, on one of Rafael’s rare evenings off. Sonny could tell by their outfits; Rafael was wearing that puffy jacket of his, the oversized brown one that made it almost impossible for Sonny to kiss him because it was so bulky, and Sonny was wearing one of his work coats, because he’d rushed to meet Rafael straight from the precinct.

They were walking closely, and they were smiling, and Sonny couldn’t help thinking that they looked happy. Together. They looked right together. They fit. 

Somehow.

Rafael was older, and shorter, and broader, mostly because of that damn coat, and Sonny was younger, and taller, and scrawnier, and Rafael still managed to look grumpy, even as he was smiling, and Sonny was grinning like an idiot, like always, and they had no business looking like a perfect match, but Sonny thought they did.

They weren’t really holding hands.

Sonny  _was_ holding Rafael’s hand, but he was just trying to drag Rafael into a new pastry shop which had recently opened not too far from their apartment. Sonny had thought that several displays of delicious pastries would be good incentive for Rafael to eat a little more without Sonny having to nag him. Rafael had managed to gain back some weight over the last month, after their conversation, but his eating habits still hadn’t fully recover– 

“Allow me to read the salacious caption. _‘Scandalous!’”_

Timothy paused for effect.

Sonny tried not to laugh.

“I repeat. _‘Scandalous! Rafael Barba, a candidate for the prestigious position of Manhattan District Attorney in the upcoming Democratic primary, pictured here cavorting with his significantly younger male lover, who had until now remained the campaign’s dirty little secret._

_On the bright side, dwindling numbers in recent polls don’t appear to have soured Mr. Barba’s disposition, as he is seen here, happy as a clam, in the arms of his lanky paramour, long-rumored to be an NYPD detective. That’s one way to get the cop vote!_

End quote.”

Timothy was seething.

Sonny was still trying not to laugh.

The caption truly was salacious. The pictures themselves were totally innocent, like Rafael suspected. They didn’t depict anything untoward or potentially damaging for Rafael’s campaign. Well, maybe Sonny and Rafael  _were_ cavorting, a little, but– 

“This is an outrage, Timothy.”

Wait.

Was Rafael seriously upset over these pictures? Or, no, it was probably the caption. Sure, calling Sonny a ‘dirty little secret’ wasn’t very nice, but that was standard practice for those websites, it didn’t mean anyth– 

“ _Significantly_ younger? They make it sound like I’m a senior citizen dating a college senior.”

Oh.

This time, Sonny didn’t bother trying to stifle his laughter.

“I got a baby face, Rafi. I can’t help it.”

Rafael smiled at Sonny, fondly, before turning to Timothy.

“I _will_ be drafting that statement now. Get one of the interns in here.” 

Timothy clearly did not like the sound of that, but he did as Rafael asked.

“You’re going to draft your own… You know what, fine. I would get upset, but we were losing anyway. I’ll be right back.”

Rafael was drafting his own statement, and Sonny had a pretty good idea what that meant. He just wasn’t sure if this was the best play. 

“You really doing this, Rafi?”

Rafael looked determined. Determined and calm. Sonny liked that look.

“Yes. It’s long overdue. But if you want, we can leave your name out of it, even if they did publish your picture. You’re a detective. It might be a little harder for you t–”

“No way, Rafi. If you’re doing this, I’m doing it with you.”

Rafael now looked determined, calm and happy.

That look was even better.

Sonny smiled. He had been ready to go public, officially, for a long time. After all, he and Rafael were getting married soon.

Soon-ish.

Sonny’s only concern was Rafael’s campaign, but Rafael didn’t seem particularly torn up about this ‘reveal’. He seemed liberated, almost. It was clear that Rafael wanted to stand up and be true to himself. And Sonny wanted nothing more than to stand with him. Next to him.

Plus, Timothy hadn’t been wrong; they were losing anyway. Might as well go out with a bang.

Speaking of, Timothy returned with that intern who had the imaginary crush on Sonny. The kid looked hilariously nervous.

“Here, I got you that kid you hate. Start talking, Rafael. Let’s see what you got.”

Rafael did not appreciate that last comment. His face said ‘challenge accepted’.

The poor intern’s face, meanwhile, said ‘oh crap’, eyes now wide in fear.

To his credit, Rafael managed a tight smile, one which did very little to put the kid at ease.

Rafael cleared his throat and started dictating.

“For the past 4 and a half years, I have been in a serious and committed romantic relationship with one of New York’s finest, a–”

“You can say _that_ again.”

Sonny wiggled his eyebrows, as Rafael gave him a pretty hardcore side-eye but otherwise ignored the interruption. 

“Let’s change that to, uh… with an NYPD Detective called Dominick Carisi Jr., parentheses Sonny...”

Rafael interrupted himself this time, clearly waiting for another smartass remark.

Sonny didn’t want to let him down.

“Rollins is gonna get a kick out of that one, Rafi.”

Rafael smirked.

“Rollins is probably texting all your sisters the links to our pictures as we speak.”

Sonny hadn’t thought of that.

Sonny’s face was now saying, ‘oh crap’, too.

Rafael continued with his statement.

“Alright, parentheses Sonny, who… Who is a member of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. It is one of the most challenging posts a detective can hold, and the Manhattan Unit in particular is one of the best that this country has to offer. I had the honor of working closely with this squad, including Detective Carisi, for several years before I was appointed Executive Assistant District Attorney.

“My relationship with Detective Carisi has long been disclosed to both his superiors and mine, all pertinent paperwork has long been filed, and all appropriate measures have long been taken, in order to ensure that there is not even a shadow of impropriety in our professional conduct. My record speaks for itself, as does Detective Carisi’s.

“On a personal level, our relationship has, of course, been shared with our friends, our families and our colleagues, almost from the beginning. This is no clandestine affair. Detective Carisi and I have been sharing a home for over 3 and a half years now, something which would have been very easy to discover with only a cursory investigation.

“It should therefore be obvious that Detective Carisi has never been my quote ‘dirty little secret’ unquote, no more than I have been his secret. I am proud to call him my partner. 

“It is, however, true that we had opted to keep our relationship out of the spotlight for the duration of this campaign. We made that decision not because we wanted to hide. We made that decision because we believed that, like any romantic involvement, this was by definition a private matter which had no bearing on the result of this election. 

“I now realize that decision was perhaps naïve.

“I am running for office, and I understand there are some concessions I need to make in regards to my pr… to my _formerly_ private life. I understand that I am now subject to a level of scrutiny to which I was unaccustomed. I understand that I need to be more open. I need to be… I need to be honest with the general public about every aspect of myself. 

“To that end, I must start at the beginning. I am a gay man. This has been alluded to, and speculated on, and joked about, but now I am saying it. Unequivocally.

“I concede that I haven’t always been as forthright. I must regretfully admit that I, too, like many gay men, have at times struggled with revealing personal information, even to the… even to those I hold most dear. 

“A public declaration is certainly more daunting than those private confessions, but I want the voters to trust me, so I must first trust them with this truth. I must trust you all with this truth.

“If I am to be elected, I want to be elected for who I am. For what I am. All or nothing.

“With that in mind, I feel the need to state that this quote ‘scandalous’ unquote revelation is everything but. I fail to see how the fact I am dating someone constitutes a scandal. Unless the implication is that this news is scandalous just because I happen to be in love with a man. I sincerely hope that is not the case.

“These pictures simply mark the somewhat tactless disclosure of a romantic relationship which is every bit as mundane, and unremarkable, and valid and… and normal, as any oth…

“And happy. A romantic relationship which is every bit as mundane, and unremarkable, and valid, and _happy,_ and normal, as any other.

“I hope and trust that the American public will feel the same way.

That’s it.”

Sonny was staring.

Sonny was sure that he had missed several parts of Rafael’s statement, because he had lost focus somewhere after ‘I am proud to call him my partner’. 

And not just because that was incredibly touching.

Sonny had lost focus because that sounded wrong.

Rafael should be saying, ‘I am proud to call him my husband’.

Sonny should be running out of that office, rushing to Theresa’s place, getting that ring and finally asking Rafael to marry him. What was Sonny waiting for? Planning a perfect proposal was for Hallmark movies. This was reality.

This was reality, and Rafael had just told the entire world that he was ‘in love’ with ‘one of New York’s finest’, ‘parentheses Sonny’, and he had looked so casual as he said it, like it was the easiest thing he had ever done.

It  _should_ be easy, Sonny realized. There was no reason to wait, no reason to plan ahead. It should be effortless. 

Stepping up, and announcing to the world that you love someone. Like one might do at a wedding. Stepping up, in front of your loved ones, and making a statement. Declaring that this is the person you want to be with. The person you are proud to call your partner.

It should be effortless.

Rafael had done his part, and now Sonny was ready to d–

“Okay, that wasn’t half-bad. I’ll give you that, Rafael. We’ll just need to include some information on Sonny.

“I’ll send out the statement along with a blurb about Sonny being a Fordham Law graduate, no need to mention the night school part, and about him coming from a good, wholesome Italian-American family, that might get us some votes, and we’ll leave out the Staten Island part, of course, and, hell, maybe this won’t turn out to be a total disaster.”

“Timothy, _stop.”_

Timothy rolled his eyes at Rafael, and then he immediately started typing something on his phone. Probably that blurb. Leaving out all the ‘embarrassing’ parts of Sonny’s life. Like him being from Staten Island, and why was everyone such a dick about that, anyw–

“Um, Mr. Barba?” 

Oh. The young intern was still there. Rafael narrowed his eyes in confusion, probably because the kid had never once spoken to him unprompted.

Rafael nodded curiously.

“Mr. Barba, I’d just like to say that, that I, too, am a gay man, and…”

Rafael looked at Sonny pointedly after that little tidbit, as if to say ‘I told you so’.

Sonny grinned.

“And I would like to run for office too, someday, and I think this is very inspirational. What you’re doing.”

Rafael smiled, more genuinely this time, but apparently the kid wasn’t done.

“Uh. Also, for what it’s worth, everyone on twitter is saying you’re adorable.”

Rafael’s eyebrows shot up, and Sonny snorted.

“Uh, not, not you Mr. Barba, not personally. Uh. You guys. You and, and, uh, Detective Carisi. Everyone thinks you guys are… What I mean to say is, this news has been well-received on social media, in particular on platforms like twitter and tumblr, which tend to be more popular with younger users.”

“And those younger users think I’m adorable?”

The kid had no response to Rafael’s unnecessarily intimidating joke.

Sonny took pity on him, and clapped him on the back amiably.

“Okay, thanks, Toshiro. Good job. You can go now.”

The kid practically ran out of the office.

Timothy was frowning.

“That kid has a name?”

Rafael was frowning as well.

“I never realized.”

In moments like these, Sonny could see why Rafael and Timothy actually got along some of the time.

Timothy kept fiddling with his phone.

“The kid isn’t lying, Rafael. People are liking the pictures left and right. Maybe we can use this.”

“Use whatever you want, Timothy. I’m taking the night off.”

Timothy barely reacted to Rafael’s words, still fixated on his phone as he left the office.

Sonny couldn’t believe his luck.

“Did I hear you say you got the night off?”

Rafael smirked.

“I have a significantly younger male lover to tend to, Sonny. That’s hard work. You wouldn’t understand.”

Sonny grinned, and didn’t stop grinning all the way home.

~ ~ ~

“It’s only 8 o’clock, Rafi. You know what this means?”

Rafael smirked as he toweled Sonny off after their quick shower. Ever since Sonny’s injury, Rafael had taken to helping him with little everyday things like that; namely, things which involved touching Sonny’s naked body. Sonny no longer needed the help, but he definitely enjoyed it.

When Rafael was done, he looked up at Sonny.

Rafael knew what this meant.

They had all night.

They could finally take their time. No interruptions, this time for real. They could take it slow, after what felt like years of rushing and pounding and grinding and coming and trying not to be late for a million other obligations.

Fine, it hadn’t years. It had been months.

A few months.

A few  _long_ months.

Sonny reached for Rafael’s waist, ran his fingers up Rafael’s sides, but Rafael stepped back.

“Hold your horses, Sonny. Wait until we get to the bedroom. Speaking of which, if I fall asleep again, I give you permission to wake me up.”

Oh really?

“Trust me, Rafi, you will _not_ be falling asleep tonight.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Let’s hope so, Sonny.”

What?

Was Rafael doubting his skills in th–

Wait, Rafael was leaving the bathroom. Sonny really wanted to say something back, to call Rafael out on his crap maybe, but Rafael looked so good and Sonny just followed and Sonny just wanted to touch.

Rafael had barely walked into the bedroom when Sonny reached out and pressed gentle hands against Rafael’s back, pushed Rafael forward, guiding him to the bed. Rafael seemed more than willing to go along with it, to be led by Sonny’s hands, to do whatever Sonny wanted.

Rafael was always willing to do whatever Sonny wanted.

Sonny tried to keep it together as he watched Rafael crawling onto the bed, on all fours, showing off, showing off just for Sonny.

Sonny did not keep it together.

Sonny climbed on the bed too, on his knees, right behind Rafael, and pushed himself up against Rafael’s ass. Sonny put his hands on Rafael’s love handles, smaller but still there, and he started rubbing, thrusting, aiming for a slow, languid, teasing rhythm but landing somewhere between ‘desperately fast’ and ‘helplessly erratic’. 

Rafael didn’t seem to mind.

Rafael was pushing back.

Rafael was pushing back, moving his hips with purpose, grinding his ass against Sonny, who was now fully hard.

Rafael was moaning, each and every time Sonny made contact with the soft skin in-between.

Sonny wasn’t sure how he was supposed to take his time, not when this was happening right in front of him. 

Not when Rafael was so eager.

Still valiantly trying to take things slow, Sonny bent down to place a few kisses on the small of Rafael’s back, and then he licked his way up to Rafael’s neck. As Rafael turned his head to the side for a kiss, Sonny reached around and touched him, not surprised to find him hard too.

Sonny gave Rafael few slow strokes as he pushed down again, grinding, Rafael’s hips shifting backwards in search of friction every time Sonny pulled away.

It was getting increasingly hard for Sonny not to hump Rafael to completion, right then and there.

Whose completion, it didn’t even matter.

Rafael lowered himself a little, going from all fours to leaning on his forearms, and Sonny realized that this position was probably not the best idea, not for Rafael, not if they were going to be a while.

Which was certainly an optimistic goal for the evening, but one that Sonny fully intended to accomplish.

“Go all the way down, Rafi.”

Rafael dutifully lowered his body onto the bed, face down, grinding a little against the mattress in the process.

Sonny exhaled and sat back on his heels.

He didn’t know where to start.

Rafael was there for the taking, and Sonny didn’t know what he wanted to take first.

Sonny figured he’d start small. He ran his fingers up and down Rafael’s back, feeling the tension in Rafael’s shoulders but lacking the patience to try and ease it. A massage would take forever, at least the way Sonny liked to do it, and Sonny couldn’t wait that long.

Sonny  _was_ only human.

Which was why he stopped wasting time and put his hands on Rafael’s ass, caressing, squeezing, kneading, his hands so restless and full. 

After about a minute, Sonny felt Rafael shifting. Sonny watched as Rafael moved his hand lower and started touching himself. Stroking himself, slowly, and pushing his ass up, up towards Sonny’s hands, again and again and again.

Sonny moved his own hands lower, on Rafael’s thighs, and hiked them up a little. Making room for himself, in his favorite spot. Then, Sonny got a handful of Rafael’s ass again, spread it, spread it open and pushed himself down, thrusting, rubbing against the warmth, the softness, grinding harder, and Rafael moaned, loud, and Sonny wanted to push himself inside, so badly.

But he couldn’t, not yet, because Rafael wasn’t ready, and Sonny needed to stop stalling already and get to it.

Kissing Rafael’s shoulder, Sonny pulled away and moved toward the nightstand.

Sonny had just opened the drawer when he heard something which sounded suspiciously like a phone ringing. Except, that couldn’t possibly be true, because Rafael had promised no interruptions. 

Rafael had promised, but his head had shot up as soon as the phone had started ringing, even though his body was still flat on the bed, idly grinding into the mattress.

“You said no phone calls, Rafi.”

“It’s not mine.”

Sonny belatedly realized that it was the landline, too exasperated at first to correctly identify the sound. Who even used landlines anymore?

“Who even uses landlines anymore? Wait, if it’s your mom I’m not picking up. She’ll know.”

Rafael chuckled.

“It’s probably Timothy. I turned off my phone, so I guess he’s calling here.”

Sonny should really be more upset by the possibility of yet another interruption, but he was too busy smiling.

“You turned off your phone, Rafi? For this?”

Rafael smiled back.

“For you.”

Sonny grinned.

“Well, we’ll let it ring then.”

Sonny stopped grinning.

Because Rafael winced.

Rafael wanted to pick up the phone.

Sonny didn’t know why he was so offended by that, but he was.

Maybe it was the incessant ringing, adding to his irritation. Maybe it was the fact he was painfully hard, and all he could think about was being inside Rafael. Maybe he just couldn’t believe that Rafael was even entertaining the notion of taking a freakin’ business call while lying in their bed naked, legs spread and ass up.

“Come on, Rafi, seriously? You’ll talk to him tomorrow. Hell, you can talk to him in, like, an hour. Just not right now.”

Rafael said nothing.

More specifically, Rafael did not take the obvious opportunity to make a crack about Sonny’s stamina; to sarcastically question Sonny’s ability to last one whole hour.

It was very unlike Rafael to let something like that drop, which could only mean one thing. Rafael was about to answer the phone, and he was trying to be nice so Sonny wouldn’t get annoyed.

Sonny was already annoyed.

“I’m gonna hang up and leave the phone off the hook, okay? You’ll call him back.”

Rafael’s eyes widened and he looked at the phone on their nightstand almost longingly.

Rafael  _really_ wanted to pick up the phone. 

“Come on Sonny, maybe it’s something important. About the pictures. About the campaign.”

Sonny sighed in resignation, as Rafael pushed himself up and reached for the phone.

“Really, Rafi? What’s it gonna take for you to let it ring? Am I gonna have to break out the cuffs?”

Rafael stopped moving.

Rafael looked at Sonny over his shoulder, and smirked.

“Maybe.”

Wait, what?

Was Rafael suggesting that he was in the mood for handcuffs? Or was he joking?

Sonny  _really_ hoped Rafael wasn’t joking, wasn’t teasing him, because that would be cruel and heartles–

“I’ll call you back, Timothy.”

Oh.

In the time it had taken Sonny to try and evaluate Rafael’s smirk, Rafael had managed to pick up the phone, dismiss Timothy and hang up.

Rafael had left the phone off the hook.

Making a sound which was wholly undignified, Sonny reached for the open nightstand drawer and got their cuffs, too.

Rafael had picked them out, years ago, early in their relationship, after an awkward and slightly hilarious conversation about their kinks. 

Sonny had been embarrassed to admit that he didn’t really have any particular predilections, other than the fact he enjoyed being on his knees, like,  _a lot._ ‘Probably more than the average guy,’ was how Sonny had put it at the time. 

Rafael had just nodded, smirking as always. That hadn’t exactly been brand new information. Sonny’s oral fixation had been established almost from the get-go.

Sonny’s next admission had been met with much more enthusiasm; Sonny had turned beetroot red before adding that he also, maybe, sort of, enjoyed getting spanked. 

‘I mean, not hard, or anything, Rafael.’

‘Not _too_ hard.’

‘Not all the time either. Just, once in a while.’

‘Spontaneously.’

It was only afterwards that Sonny had regretted using all those qualifiers. Rafael had taken them to heart, doling out firm but painless blows rarely, even to this day, and only when Sonny would least expect it. 

But then, that was the fun part.

As for Rafael, he hadn’t really shown outward signs of embarrassment during that talk. He had tried to remain expressionless as he had muttered that he’d always had a thing for being restrained, confessing that he had tried ties and belts, but never handcuffs.

Rafael had tried to appear nonchalant as he had said, ‘I’m only mentioning this because you’re a cop, so we already have the cuffs, and it’d be a shame not to try them out. If, you know, if this is something you might be interested in.’

Sonny had been  _very_ interested. 

Sonny had t–

“Is this happening or what, Sonny?”

Sonny had lost focus. And Rafael was smirking again. As always.

“Hold your horses, Rafi.”

Rafael chuckled at his own line thrown back at him, as Sonny flipped him over. Sonny guided him higher up the bed, until Rafael lay his head on the pillows.

Sonny liked it better when Rafael was sitting up, because it was more fun for Sonny to ride him like that, but Rafael preferred lying flat on his back, probably because he was lazy and it was more comfortable. Sonny w–

“You know, you can keep _thinking_ about using those handcuffs on me, or you can actually do it. I hear it’s more fun that way.”

Sonny’s scoff was halfhearted. He couldn’t blame Rafael for being impatient.

He  _could_ blame Rafael for being a sarcastic dick, even in bed, but he wasn’t going to, because he kind of liked it. 

“Gimme your hands, Rafi.”

That wiped the smirk right off Rafael’s face.

Rafael looked dead serious as he raised his arms, almost submissively, and presented them to Sonny, looking like the world’s most compliant perp. 

Sonny took both of Rafael’s wrists in one hand, fingers clenching around them, and Rafael hummed in pleasure.

Carefully, slowly, Sonny lifted Rafael’s joined hands over his head, cuffed them together and secured them to the headboard. Rafael could still move, could still tug at the cuffs, but they didn’t have a lot of give. 

“Are you good like this, Rafi?”

Rafael nodded, seemingly fresh out of sarcastic remarks, as Sonny ran his hands down Rafael’s arms, down Rafael’s sides. Rafael just hummed.

Sonny leaned in for a kiss, and he felt Rafael’s hands twitching.

Rafael wanted to touch him.

Rafael loved touching him, and Sonny loved being touched. Sonny loved Rafael’s hands. That was the only drawback; when Rafael was tied up, Sonny couldn’t feel those hands on him. 

Then again, Sonny found that having Rafael all laid out in front of him, hard and strong and writhing and surrendering all control, that was a pretty good trade-off.

Sonny kissed Rafael, again, kissed him deeply. Sonny straddled one of Rafael’s thighs, still kissing, and he reached between Rafael’s legs, rubbing gently with his thumb before slipping one finger inside.

Rafael’s hips bucked.

This.

Sonny loved this.

Sonny kept kissing Rafael, licking and biting, stretching Rafael, pushing another finger inside, Rafael flinching for just a second before opening up.

Sonny kept kissing Rafael, or he kept trying to, because sometimes it was hard to focus on anything other than Rafael being so warm around his fingers, sometimes Sonny had to stop kissing and just breathe, just breathe against Rafael’s mouth.

Sonny wanted more.

Sonny pulled back, his fingers still sliding in and out of Rafael, and he used his other hand to touch Rafael’s chest. To feel Rafael’s heartbeat, to feel Rafael’s pecs, to feel the soft fuzz of Rafael’s chest hair, and then lower, to feel Rafael’s belly, almost but not quite yet restored to its former glory.

Rafael’s eyes were closed.

Rafael’s stomach twitched as Sonny moved his hand even lower, and Sonny had to force himself not to touch Rafael, even though he really wanted to, even though Rafael was so hard and so thick and Sonny didn’t just want to touch, Sonny wanted to wrap his lips around Rafael, he wanted it so much, but he wasn’t going to. 

Sonny was determined not to.

Sonny wanted to pretend that he had a morsel of self-control.

Sonny wanted to pretend that he wasn’t two seconds away from forgetting about the whole ‘let’s take our time’ thing and putting his mouth on Rafael, licking and sucking until Rafael forgot his own name.

With a significant amount of effort, Sonny managed to move his hand back up, to Rafael’s face. 

Rafael opened his eyes but he didn’t speak, as Sonny caressed his cheek.

Rafael just looked at Sonny, dazed, almost awed.

Sonny thought this was how he always looked at Rafael too.

Rafael lifted up his head, lips puckered, wanting another kiss.

Sonny slid a third finger inside, kissing Rafael just in time to capture the ensuing moan.

“Come on, Sonny.”

Finally.

Finally, Rafael was asking to be touched, after Sonny had made it a point to put his hands literally everywhere else.

Finally, Sonny could touch Rafael without feeling desper–

“I’m ready. Come on.”

Oh.

Okay.

Rafael was ready, and who was Sonny to argue?

Kneeling between Rafael’s legs, Sonny pushed Rafael’s thighs apart, pushed them up, high, off the bed, and then he pushed inside; one slow, long thrust and then a quick, short one, and then another.

Rafael sighed, his arms tensing as he tried to move but couldn’t.

Sonny found a rhythm, Sonny kept pushing in, hard, and Rafael sounded so good, he sounded so good as he moaned, he looked so good, almost folded in half, legs spread wide, taking Sonny deep, he felt so good as his thighs kept flexing involuntarily, where Sonny was gripping them tightly. 

“Touch me, Sonny.”

Sonny smiled.

“I will.”

Rafael narrowed his eyes for a split second, but Sonny leaned in for another kiss before Rafael could speak.

Sonny felt Rafael rubbing against him, so hard and wet, rubbing against Sonny’s stomach as they kissed, and he decided to speed things up because this was starting to get too much.

As Sonny’s thrusts got faster, Rafael’s voice got lower, breathier.

Rafael started grunting, low, loudly, again and again as Sonny pushed in harder and harder.

“Touch me.”

Sonny kept slamming into Rafael, deeper and deeper, and Rafael’s entire body was shaking, hips lifting off the bed with each thrust, and Rafael was yanking at the hand cuffs, writhing, and moaning, and muttering under his breath.

Begging.

“Touch me, Sonny, _please._ Touch me.”

“Not yet.”

That got Rafael’s attention.

“Wait, is this p–”

Sonny drove his hips into Rafael, hard.

“Is this pay… Ah… Is this payback, Sonny?”

Sonny pushed in, once more, and then he stopped thrusting. Sonny stayed there, stock still, breathing heavily, and buried deep inside Rafael.

Smirking.

“Maybe.”

Rafael had the most affronted expression on his face. It was one of the funniest things Sonny had ever seen. 

“Are you serious, Sonny? It’s been a whole month.”

Sonny kept smirking as he started leisurely moving his hips, pulling all the way out and then pushing back in, almost in slow motion.

“So? You never did make it up to me.”

Rafael looked like he was starting to regret those handcuffs.

“Sonny, I swear to God.”

Still smirking, Sonny let go of Rafael’s thighs, and Rafael immediately wrapped his legs around Sonny’s waist, trying to pull Sonny closer, trying to get some friction.

“No, Rafi. You’re gonna do as I say.”

Rafael scoffed.

“Leave the commands to me, Sonny. This isn’t your style. Now be quiet and touch me.”

Rafael was legitimately trying to stare Sonny down.

Even as his hands were cuffed above his head, even as his legs were spread as wide as they could go, even as his face was flushed, even as low moans kept escaping his lips every time Sonny slowly slid back inside, Rafael was trying to regain control of the situation.

The worst part was that it was working.

Even though Rafael was restrained, he was in charge.

Sonny was hopeless. 

With a sigh, he picked up the pace.

“You’re very demanding, Rafi, anybody ever tell you that?”

Sonny was sure Rafael had a snarky response on the tip of his tongue, but it got lost when Sonny finally took hold of him. 

“There you go, Sonny. Good boy.”

Hard as he tried not to, Sonny moaned. He hated how well Rafael knew him.

Rafael chuckled as he began thrusting up, into Sonny’s fist, a little too desperately for someone who looked so cocky.

“You know, Rafi, I could always let go.”

“You won’t.”

Dammit.

“I will. I’m gonna let go, and then you’re gonna have to come untouched. Can you do that, Rafi? For me?”

It was Rafael’s turn to moan as Sonny tightened his grip, as Sonny sped up his thrusts.

“Answer me, Rafi. Or I’ll let go.”

Rafael licked his lips.

“Kiss me.”

_Dammit._

Sonny couldn’t say no to that. He lowered himself onto Rafael, still thrusting, still stroking, and he kissed Rafael almost hungrily, because teasing and playing around was fun but, at the end of the day, all Sonny wanted was to feel Rafael close to him.

Rafael kissed back, just as hungry, and he squeezed Sonny between his thighs, and he tried to move his arms before he remembered he was restrained, cuffs clacking against the headboard.

Sonny kissed Rafael again, started pushing in hard and fast, started stroking hard and fast too, Sonny’s tongue in Rafael’s mouth the only thing going slow.

Sonny kept moving faster and faster, until he felt Rafael’s body arching, arms taut, thighs trembling with tension, until he felt Rafael’s hips bucking wildly underneath him.

Rafael came, hard, on his belly, on his chest, on Sonny’s chest. Rafael kept coming, clenching around Sonny, and Sonny couldn’t take it so he pulled out, he pulled out but he kept kissing Rafael, he kept stroking until he felt Rafael exhale, until he heard Rafael’s telltale humming.

Rafael sounded  _very_ happy.

Sonny smiled and gave Rafael one last peck, and then a kiss on the cheek, and then a kiss on the neck. Pushing himself up, Sonny kissed Rafael’s bicep, the inside of Rafael’s elbow, Sonny brushed his lips against the hairs on Rafael’s forearm, he licked his way up to Rafael’s wrists, already a little red.

“You want me to take these off now?”

“No.”

Rafael said no, very deliberately, and Sonny felt it in his bones.

“What do you want to do, Rafi?”

Rafael still seemed too blissed out to say much.

“Whatever you want.”

Well, that wasn’t very helpful.

“Tell me how you want me, Rafi, I’m dying here.”

Rafael looked at Sonny, and he had that awed look in his eyes again, and Sonny really,  _really_ loved him.

“Up.”

Sonny didn’t get it, not at first.

“Where?”

“Up here. My face.”

Oh.

Sonny said about seven different prayers in his head, hoping they would help him last, hoping he wouldn’t come the very second Rafael’s lips touched him.

That was probably a lot to hope for.

Sonny scooted up and straddled Rafael’s chest, before getting another pillow and putting it under Rafael’s head, thinking it would take some of the strain off his neck.

Rafael smirked again.

“You’re so good to me, Sonny.”

Sonny didn’t know exactly when he had lost all control of the situation, he just knew that he had.

Rafael licked his lips again as he looked up.

“Come on. Come here.”

Sonny took a deep breath as he moved his hips forward. Sonny gave himself a light stroke, and another, Sonny rubbed himself on Rafael’s lips, slowly, all around Rafael’s lips, until Rafael nodded.

Rafael was so eager.

Sonny slid inside, Sonny pushed into Rafael’s mouth, gently, and he didn’t know what felt better; Rafael’s tongue or Rafael’s low, greedy growl.

Sonny kept pushing inside, slipping in and out, thrusts short and shallow because Rafael couldn’t use his hands and Sonny didn’t want to accidentally choke him.

Sonny was starting to regret those handcuffs too.

He wished he could feel Rafael’s hands, spreading him, as Rafael sucked and moaned and swallowed, Rafael’s large hands, almost too big on his ass, squeez–

Wait.

Rafael’s mouth was no longer on him. Rafael was looking up at him again.

“Deeper.”

_Oh._

Sonny’s hips jerked and he literally had to pull back, he had to get some distance because he needed a few seconds to compose himself.

And then Rafael chased after Sonny with his tongue, eager to get Sonny back in his mouth, and Sonny thought that a few seconds would not be enough.

“Wait, wait, Rafi, gimme a minute.”

All too happily, Rafael turned his head and started kissing Sonny’s hip, licking small patches of skin, his stubble grazing against Sonny in a way that was almost excruciating.

In a good way.

When Sonny finally cooled off a little, he tilted his hips forward, he grabbed the headboard for support, and he started moving again.

Rafael wasted no time, taking Sonny all the way in.

Sonny wasn’t going to last, but he didn’t care anymore.

Sonny kept thrusting in and out, harder now, deeper, pushing until he could feel Rafael’s nose low on his stomach, and it felt so good, but Sonny still needed more.

Sonny still needed to feel Rafael’s hands.

So he did.

Sonny tried to clutch at Rafael’s wrists, bound as they were, over the cuffs, and Rafael reached with twitchy fingers, the only part of his hands he could still move. Sonny understood; he covered Rafael’s hands with his own, holding on, and the angle was awkward but Rafael somehow managed to twist his hands enough to intertwine their fingers, and Sonny’s hips jerked again because he was a sap.

There Sonny was, getting sucked to within an inch of his life, and his favorite part was Rafael’s thumbs, rubbing gentle circles on his palm. 

Sonny was hopeless.

Sonny was going to come.

Sonny started pushing in faster, carefully at first but spurred on by Rafael’s encouraging moans until he was practically snapping his hips.

Rafael was restless between Sonny’s legs. Sonny could feel him wriggling underneath. Impatient. Needy. Trying to grind against air. Dipping his head forward, over and over.

Sonny watched as Rafael’s lips stretched around him, Sonny watched as Rafael looked up, again, always trying to keep eye contact, Sonny felt Rafael’s fingers squeezing his, Rafael’s hands holding his, tight, and Sonny came.

Sonny came, filling up Rafael’s mouth. Rafael kept swallowing, and humming, and Sonny kept coming, and Rafael kept taking it, until there was nothing left.

Rafael brushed his tongue against Sonny, softly, once, twice, before Sonny pulled away, trying and failing to catch his breath.

Still breathless, Sonny leaned down and kissed Rafael, cleaned up the corners of Rafael’s lips, licked a few droplets that had dribbled down Rafael’s chin, Sonny used his tongue to push them all back inside Rafael’s mouth, where Rafael’s tongue quickly lapped everything up.

Rafael was  _so_ eager. 

Eventually, Sonny exhaled.

It was a miracle that he even remembered to undo the cuffs before finally giving up and dropping down, flat against Rafael’s chest, laying his head on Rafael’s shoulder, burrowing his nose into Rafael’s neck.

Rafael’s hands immediately went to Sonny’s face. 

Immediately.

Rafael’s arms were probably sore, but still, he put an arm around Sonny, pulling him even closer, and he reached for Sonny’s cheeks, he touched Sonny’s dimples.

Sonny smiled.

Rafael had missed touching him, maybe more than Sonny had missed being touched. 

But Sonny wanted to touch too, so he moved his hand down, lower, and he pushed two fingers inside Rafael again, easily, tenderly, not too deep. Sonny just wanted to feel Rafael opening up again, for him. Sonny stayed there, lips grazing Rafael’s chest as his fingers idly slipped in and out.

Rafael’s breathing was slow and steady. His muscles felt completely relaxed under Sonny’s body, under Sonny’s lips. No sign of tension, other than the occasional twitch, whenever Sonny’s fingers curled inside him, teasing. No sign of stress. 

Sonny abruptly realized how rare that was, how rare that had been in the last 5 months.

Maybe the whole thing had been a mistake.

Rafael running. It had taken so much time, and so much effort, and for what?

But then, if people like Rafael didn’t take a chance, if people like Rafael didn’t at least try, what was the point? Sonny had said it, all those months ago, almost 7 months ago when Rafael had first talked about running. There was no one better for the job. The people of Manhattan would be lucky to have Rafael.

Sonny was lucky to have Rafael.

He just had to wait for this dreaded campaign to be over. Just one month, and then Sonny would finally put a ring on it.

Sonny grinned just at the thought of proposing, at the thought of Rafael saying yes, at the thought of marrying Rafael in front of all their loved ones, at the thought of maybe taking a nice little trip afterwards, because Sonny had been saving up his sick days for a honeymoon.

A honeymoon with Rafael.

If someone had told Sonny, 5 years earlier, that he would be planning a honeymoon with Rafael Barba, Sonny would have laughed.

It sounded crazy.

It sounded perfect.

And, just like that, Sonny was having another one of those moments when he felt the urge to run, to run out and get that ring, to propose on impulse, to forget all about his plans and just make Rafael his. 

Officially.

Maybe he didn’t even need the ring. He could always get it later. Maybe he could just propose quietly, no rings, no fuss, just a low-key question, just a whisper, just an ‘I love you, Rafi,’ and a ‘Will you marry me?’

Maybe that was all it would take.

Maybe Rafael would even prefer that.

Maybe Sonny should do it.

Maybe Sonny should get a grip, because this was not a decision one should make with their fingers up their betrothed’s ass.

Said betrothed, meanwhile, seemed content to just lie there and let Sonny play with him, having almost no reaction other than a low, probably involuntary hum.

“You fall asleep on me again, Rafi?”

Rafael chuckled and kissed Sonny’s forehead.

“Almost. I haven’t felt this relaxed in months. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake. It’s a good thing the campaign is as good as dead. Just one more month and it’ll all be over.”

It seemed that Sonny wasn’t the only one having thoughts about the future. Rafael’s were just a little more pessimistic.

Sonny tilted his head up and kissed Rafael on the lips.

“Manhattan’s loss is my gain. I didn’t want to share you anyway.”

Rafael smiled.

Rafael smiled like he knew that was only partly a joke.

“You never have to share me, Sonny. You’re all I think about. Always.”

Sonny’s heart started pounding.

Rafael was looking at him again. Like that. Like love.

Maybe Sonny  _should_ do it.

“I love you, Rafi.”

There. The first part was done. 

Now for the rest.

Now for the ‘Will you marry me?’

Now for th–

Now for Sonny’s phone, ringing, somewhere in the distance, like a traitor.

Now for Rafael, tensing up instantly, just by the sound of a phone going off.

Now for Rafael, getting anxious because the real world was calling. Because he had more to worry about. Because it wasn’t just him and Sonny, alone in a quiet room.

“Is Timothy calling your phone? That means he’s desperate. Means it’s important. Can you get it for me, Sonny? I would, but I don’t think I can move.”

Sonny smiled and gave Rafael another kiss, before getting up to retrieve his phone from the living room.

Maybe this was for the best.

Maybe Rafael needed to put this election behind him first.

Maybe Sonny should wait.

One more month.

It wasn’t that bad.

One more month, and then Sonny would have Rafael all to himself again. 

One more month, and then always.


	7. Bad Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny gets an upgrade.

Sonny was cautiously optimistic.

_Very_ cautiously. 

It was hard to get a good read on the situation, on voting intentions, because the numbers kept fluctuating, but still.

It was 4 days before the election, and Sonny was starting to get a good feeling about the primary. 

This newfound optimism was the result of yet another poll, which seemed to indicate that Rafael had a real chance of winning. Or, at the very least, that he had a fighting chance.

The last thing Sonny wanted was to get his hopes up or, even worse, to get Rafael’s hopes up, but he couldn’t ignore the latest developments.

Fortunately, Rafael was a little more pessimistic by nature, so the likelihood of his hopes being crushed was very low. Rafael basically had no hopes, still smarting from the last time he had been a frontrunner only to relinquish his lead.

Sonny thought that was perfectly understandable, because Rafael had experienced countless ups and downs in the previous 6 months, but, well.

A little optimism never hurt anyone.

The tide had turned about 3 weeks earlier.

Until then, Rafael had been polling steadily behind Milton Mills, and his numbers were on a downward trend, suggesting that Rafael would probably end up a distant second by the time of the primary.

And then those pictures had come out. Those pictures of Rafael and Sonny.

‘Cavorting.’

And then Rafael had released that statement.

The one saying that he was in love with a man, parentheses Sonny.

The one saying he was a gay man, and he was hoping the American public would embrace him for it.

They had.

That statement, it had been embraced by a large number of people.

First, it had been _The New York Times._ That’s what Timothy had been calling to say, almost ruining Sonny and Rafael’s fun. He had gotten the call just hours after the release of Rafael’s statement.

Then, it had been that Congresswoman who had withdrawn her support unexpectedly. As it turned out, she was big on equality and non-discrimination issues, so she had endorsed Rafael the very next morning. As had each and every single LGBTQ organization in Manhattan, as well as some prominent public figures.

But that hadn’t been totally unexpected. What  _had_ been more than a little unexpected was the support from the public. That intern, Toshiro, he hadn’t been wrong. In the first few days after Rafael’s statement, Sonny had been happy to see all sorts of trends and hashtags and comments from young kids, admiring Rafael’s courage. 

That had been the first wave. Online support from younger people, some of whom were probably not even eligible to vote yet. Which was encouraging, and certainly promising for the future, but not very concrete when it came to Rafael’s numbers.

The second wave had involved another round of televised interviews.

Coverage of the Manhattan District Attorney race had become more matter-of-fact, not to mention more scant, ever since Mills had started looking like the clear winner. After all, this was the primary for an off-year election, and voter turnout for those was routinely low. There just didn’t seem to be much public interest in the race, not once the result began to appear as a foregone conclusion.

All that had changed with Rafael’s statement. Practically overnight, Rafael had become the center of attention; the only candidate of interest among several elderly white guys whose platforms were near identical. Timothy had done his job well, securing interviews with major outlets, and that had really made an impact.

Rafael hadn’t exactly been comfortable with all this attention, not at first. He’d already said it; he had no intention of selling his private life, and he felt that Timothy’s media blitz was exploitative. Rafael wanted to be elected for who he was, but he didn’t want his sexuality to become the focal point of his campaign.

Sonny had responded by calling that view almost naively dignified, especially for someone entering the world of politics. After all, Milton Mills had already used his connections to create a media blitz of his own, so it was only fair that Rafael should reciprocate.

Rafael had, of course, mocked Sonny for his lack of expertise yet again. 

At least initially.

Because Sonny had then pointed out that the world of politics could use a little more dignity, and it could also use more people like Rafael. If a media blitz was the best way to achieve that, Sonny had opined, then Rafael should just listen to Timothy and play along.

Timothy had been particularly happy to hear that.

Needless to say, Timothy had suddenly become Sonny’s biggest fan.

The third wave, a direct result of the first two, had been a shift in public opinion. People were actually paying attention now. To the election. To this particular race. To Rafael. This latest poll had amply demonstrated that. Rafael and Mills were suddenly neck and neck, just days before the primary.

Maybe Rafael would win.

Maybe Sonny’s proposal would be the icing on the cake.

Maybe Sonny would get to propose to the new Manhattan District Attorney.

Those were the thoughts that were going through Sonny’s head as he sat on his desk, on another slow day, the ring burning a hole in his pocket.

Sonny had finally reclaimed it. He had dropped by Theresa’s place, ‘just to say hi’, and then he had casually muttered, ‘Hey, while I’m here, can I get that ring back? I’m gonna be needing it pretty soon.’

Theresa had flipped out.

And then she had called Bella, and then Gina, and then their mom, while Sonny looked on, helpless. Waiting. Because Theresa had stashed the ring somewhere, apparently, and she wasn’t going to give it to Sonny, not until every single Carisi had heard the good news.

But Theresa hadn’t been the only one to display perhaps undue excitement over the developments in Sonny’s personal life.

On his first morning back to work, after the ‘scandal’ had erupted, after Rafael’s statement, Sonny had arrived at his desk to find a copy of that one picture, the one of himself and Rafael ‘holding hands’ and smiling, taped to his desk lamp.

Sonny’s first response had been anxiety; the first thing to go through his mind was that someone was harassing him. Safe as he felt at Manhattan SVU, under Liv’s leadership, it wouldn’t have been the first time someone had done that.

And then he had caught wind of the others, Rollins and Fin and Amaro and even Dodds, who had been there for all of 5 minutes, Sonny had caught wind of them all looking totally nonchalant, pretending to be working while stealing glances at him to see his reaction, snickering when he’d tried to act like he hadn’t noticed.

After the laughter had died down, after everyone had gone back to work, for real this time, Sonny had decided to leave the picture where it was. Partly because he didn’t want the others to make fun of him even more, and partly because, well, it was a cute picture and Sonny didn’t have the heart to take it down.

Sonny had never felt comfortable putting a picture of Rafael on his desk, mostly because he thought it would be inappropriate. A suspect could come in to the precinct to be interrogated and, what, he’d see a picture of the EADA who might one day prosecute him, all smiley on some detective’s desk?

But since the others had put the picture there, as a prank, Sonny had seen no harm in just leaving it up for a day or two. Just to show the rest of the squad that he was totally fine with their joke.

And also because, well, it  _was_ a cute picture.

Except, the following morning, Sonny had arrived at the precinct to find that same picture, sitting on his desk, this time in a nice little frame. 

A nice little frame which might as well have had ‘Amanda Rollins’ written all over it.

Sonny had smiled into his coffee. And then he had seen Amanda smiling into hers.

Sonny was still smiling, his hand going to the ring box every few minutes subconsciously. He’d kept it in his locker for the past week, ever since he’d gotten it back, to keep Rafael from finding it, and he knew it was stupid but sometimes he kept it in his jacket pocket, to get used to the feeling. To practice. To find the best way to take out the box, the best way to open it, the best way to present Rafael with the ring.

Sonny was hopeless.

In fact, Sonny was this close to taking out the box right then, just to look at the ring, to psych himself up for the big event, except he wasn’t crazy enough to do that in a precinct full of cops.

Amanda had been stealing glances at him again, all morning, and it was clear that she suspected something was on his mind. Sonny was irrationally hoping she’d attribute his absentmindedness to the upcoming election, but he knew she was too good a detective for that. 

Sonny just couldn’t figure out how much Amanda knew, how much she had already guessed.

“Ready to roll, Carisi?”

Speaking of Amanda, she was ready to head to the courthouse, impatiently jingling her car keys. She and Sonny were supposed to testify for Casey on a slam dunk, and the court appearance meant they had a light day. Which was why they had spent their morning idly sitting at their desks and trying to read each other’s minds.

Sonny got up to get his coat, hoping Amanda would stick to using telepathy to figure out what was going on instead of asking him.

“Whatcha got there, Carisi? I can see it sticking out your pocket.”

Dammit.

She knew. Sonny couldn’t lie.

“It’s nothing.”

That wasn’t a lie. It was more of a dismissal of the question.

Amanda raised an eyebrow.

Sonny instantly caved. Damn Amanda and the fact she looked just like Gina.

“Fine. It’s a…”

Sonny looked around. Thankfully for him, only Dodds was at his desk, and he was the least likely to eavesdrop, mostly because he was the least likely to care about Sonny’s love life.

Still, Sonny stepped closer to Amanda. Better safe than sorry. He didn’t want some patrol cop overhearing and spreading the gossip.

Amanda smirked as she leaned in.

“It’s a ring, okay? Don’t tell anyone. I just. I’m gonna… You know. I’m gonna do it. Ask. Him. I’m gonna ask him.”

Amanda smiled very widely.

“Alright. I won’t tell anybody. But you might wanna work on your wording. I don’t think Barba’s gonna appreciate it if you start mumbling when y–”

“Come on, gimme a break, Amanda.”

Amanda smiled and refrained from finishing her sentence. That was nice of her.

What was decidedly _not_ nice was the fact Amanda was the second person to question Sonny’s verbal skills, at least when it came to proposing. Lucia being the first, of course.

Sonny tried not to take that personally.

He was just a little nervous. Which was normal.

Right?

Sonny sighed, which made Amanda smile again.

“I’m just messing with you, Carisi. You could propose on a Jumbotron and Barba would still say yes.”

That made Sonny feel a little better.

Plus, it gave him a hilarious mental image.

Still smiling, Amanda clapped Sonny on the back and they left for the courthouse.

~ ~ ~

After 4 long hours, not to mention a particularly sleazy defense attorney, Sonny and Amanda were done, and they were finally ready to head back to the precinct. They had just descended the steps of the courthouse, walking through the usual crowd gathered outside, when a man seemed to pause upon seeing Sonny.

The man looked startled, at first, and then puzzled. Sonny returned the quizzical look, trying to figure out if he maybe knew the guy from law school. People would always come up to him, asking if h–

“Hey, you’re the boyfriend, aren’t you?”

Both Sonny and Amanda froze.

Just then, Sonny noticed a microphone in the guy’s hand.

He was a reporter.

And he had just alerted a whole bunch of them to Sonny’s presence; a whole bunch of reporters who were probably there waiting to get a few sound bites from some famous defendant or other.

“Get moving, Carisi.”

Sonny was thankful for Amanda’s hand on his elbow, urging him to walk faster, because this was clearly a disaster waiting to happen.

“Hey, wait, you got a few words for us? About the race? About your boyfriend?”

Amanda kept dragging Sonny away, and Sonny was trying to follow her, except suddenly cameras started coming on, and microphones started getting shoved in his face, and cellphones too, and this was pretty different than all those times Sonny had to shield victims from the press, because this time Sonny wasn’t invisible to the reporters.

This time Sonny was the story.

The very specific, practically insignificant, almost non-story story, because it wasn’t like Sonny’s little comment was ever going to make the national news, but still.

Sonny had just had the bad luck of getting cornered by a group of Manhattan courthouse reporters for whom this was actually a scoop; getting a sound bite from the boyfriend of a leading candidate for the DA spot. 

“Come on man, just give us a few words.”

“Yeah, just a small statement and we’ll get out of your hair.”

Amanda looked at Sonny questioningly. Sonny could tell that she was considering flashing her badge and threatening them all to back off, but the cameras were already on and that wouldn’t be good for anybody.

Sonny exhaled.

Timothy was not going to like this. Timothy had specifically instructed Sonny to avoid the press like the plague.

“Okay, alright. Just one comment.”

One of the reporters, a woman whom Sonny recognized but whose name escaped him, stepped a little closer.

“Detective, how do you feel about the upcoming primary? It seems that Mr. Barba might have a real shot. How have you been supporting him throughout this race? We all know that your relationship was unexpectedly revealed when a webs–”

“Hey, hey, I said one comment. And, uh. I love him and I support him. And so should everybody else. Support him, I mean. Not love him.”

Rollins snorted, and so did some of the reporters.

Crap.

This was not going well.

“Uh. Rafael, he can really make a difference. He’s already made a difference, with the way he was honest, the way he’s inspired people. He’s not… I’m biased, yeah, but he’s not just another candidate. I hope everybody can see that like I can. I’m proud of him, whether he wins or loses.”

Rollins raised an eyebrow, as the reporters hurriedly thanked Sonny and ran off because their main target was apparently just coming out of the courthouse. That guy couldn’t have come out a couple of minutes earl–

“See, I was worried over nothing, Carisi. You got this. It’s just a shame you used up all your inspiration, you could’ve saved some of that sweet-talk for your proposal.”

Sonny rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, alright. Let’s get going, Amanda.”

Rollins didn’t push, content to stay silent for the rest of the ride.

Silent and smirking, of course.

Sonny was just biding his time until Amanda inevitably asked to see the ring; until he inevitably showed it to her, because he had trouble saying no to authoritative women after a lifetime of conditioning. 

They had almost made it to the precinct, and Sonny could tell that Amanda was itching to ask, when Sonny’s phone buzzed.

Rafael was calling.

Probably because one of the reporters had already uploaded Sonny’s little comment.

Great.

And now Amanda was laughing, having nosily read the display of Sonny’s phone.

_Great._

“Hello?”

“Timothy thinks we made a mistake keeping you out of the spotlight. He thinks you’re a natural. He says you could’ve won us the election months ago.”

Yet more teasing. Just what Sonny needed.

“Okay, Rafi. I get it. I won’t do it again. I’ll leave the interviews to you. Now, do y–”

“Thank you, Sonny. For what you said. I love you.”

Oh.

“I, uh… I am in the car with Amanda, so. Yeah.”

“He means he loves you too, Barba,” Amanda loudly interjected, and Sonny could hear Rafael, chuckling on the other end of the line. 

Sonny could hear Rafael, happy.

“You get that, Rafi? I love you too.”

~ ~ ~

It was finally over.

After almost 9 months of preparations, 6 of which involved aggressive campaigning, the polls had closed.

The democratic primary was over.

And the wait was just beginning.

Everyone was gathered at the headquarters of Rafael’s campaign, waiting for the announcement of the results. And by ‘headquarters’ Sonny meant ‘office space Timothy had rented for this express purpose, but barely used because he kept loitering around the DA’s office, volunteers and interns in tow, impeding the activities of the people who actually worked there.’

Fine. Maybe Sonny was a little tense.

It just felt weird, being in this unfamiliar place, a place which held no emotional value whatsoever, and waiting to hear on something as important as the fate of Rafael’s bid to become the next Manhattan DA.

Fine. Maybe that wasn’t Sonny’s main problem with the place.

Sonny’s main problem was that proposing in some random office he’d never been to before, well, it seemed kind of unromantic.

Kind of wrong, almost.

Sure, Sonny could always wait until they got back home, at least in theory, but he didn’t know when that would be. They had already been waiting for over 2 hours, and they still had about an hour to go until the results would be announced.

Sonny guessed that Rafael would want to head straight home if he lost, so that wasn’t going to be an issue. Sonny could wait an hour.

But what if Rafael won?

If Rafael won, there would definitely be some kind of celebration, and Sonny had no way of predicting how long  _that_ would take, because no one had made any solid plans, apparently. 

Sonny had asked Timothy, who had shushed him and muttered something about not wanting to jinx it. Sonny was a baseball fan, so he respected that, but it didn’t really help him. How was Sonny supposed to plan the perfect proposal when he couldn’t even control the timing?

Fine. Maybe Sonny was a little anxious.

Maybe Sonny was looking for an excuse not to propose.

Maybe Sonny was about to chicken out.

Fortunately for him, there were several people in attendance who seemed hell-bent on not letting that happen.

First, there was Lucia.

She hadn’t forgotten their little phone call. She had greeted Sonny warmly, going in for a hug, which Sonny had found really sweet until he’d realized she had only done it to whisper something in his ear.

“You still have my blessing, Sonny. You better use it. It might expire.”

Sonny had tried not to react.

It hadn’t been easy.

And then there was Rollins.

She had sauntered over to Sonny and she had leaned against the nearest wall, fixing her eyes on him.

“You’re still doing this, right, Carisi? Don’t back out on me now.”

Sonny had felt weirdly heartened by the fact Amanda knew there was a slight chance that he might lose his nerve. 

Fine. Maybe there was a big chance that he might lose his nerve. 

Sonny was just glad Amanda was there.

He had been surprised to see her walk through the doors. When it came to the squad, Sonny had only been expecting Liv, because she was Rafael’s friend, and she’d never miss this in a million years. But Amanda, she wasn’t really that close to Rafael, so she had no real reason to show up. 

No real reason, other than Sonny.

Granted, part of Sonny thought she just wanted to be there for the proposal, to get the gossip first hand.

But another part of Sonny suspected that Amanda was there because she was  _his_ friend.

Sonny wasn’t going to ask her and ruin it, of course. She’d never admit it, anyway.

Still, it felt good having someone there for him, and not just for Rafael. Sonny needed some support, even if it was in the form of gentle ribbing. He had even tried to get Rafael to let Bella or Theresa come watch the announcement; their ribbing wouldn’t have been gentle, of course, but they’d definitely make sure he proposed, even if by force.

Unfortunately, Rafael had put a limit on the number of Carisis allowed to attend. 

The allotted number had been 1.

Sonny had momentarily considered sending Theresa in his place.

Sonny was almost regretting not doing that.

Fine. Maybe Sonny was panicking.

It was only natural.

There was the uncertainty about the result. There was the unfamiliar environment. There was the sheer number of near-strangers, aides and volunteers and various staff members lounging around.

There was the feeling of that ring in Sonny’s pants pocket, now hopefully better concealed by his jacket; at least when it came to prying eyes, because to Sonny the ring felt as glaring as ever.

There was the fact Sonny’s life was about to change, in one major way, or maybe even two, if he was lucky, and that was a little scary.

Fine. Maybe Sonny needed to calm down.

Taking a deep breath, he took a look around the room. 

Everyone was buzzing. There was still no official news, but Timothy seemed to be on the phone with five different people at once, journalists and tipsters and all sorts of random insiders who were supposedly feeding him preliminary numbers. 

Sonny assumed those numbers were the result of guesswork or, at best, unofficial exit polls, and therefore couldn’t be trusted, but there was nothing wrong with a little speculation. At least Timothy’s little updates gave everybody something to talk about.

Lucia was the one who seemed the most positive. The least nervous. She kept saying that she knew Rafael had won and, from her lips, it didn’t sound like wishful thinking. It sounded like a fact. Her words didn’t sound like the usual maternal platitudes, even though she had, at one point, literally said, “I believe in you, Rafi.”

She did. Lucia believed in Rafael. And so did Sonny, except he was considerably more nervous about the result of the primary.

Oh, and that whole proposal thing.

Sonny was also nervous about that.

Sonny had basically written a whole speech, and he kept going over it in his head as he waited, and maybe this was a bad sign but sometimes he would lose track and forget the next part, and then he’d wonder if he should have made cue cards.

Considering the sheer length of Sonny’s proposal, maybe that wouldn’t have been such a bad idea.

There was just so much that Sonny wanted to say.

So much he needed to tell Rafael. 

Sonny would say, ‘You’ve changed me, Rafi. For the better. I’m not the annoying loudmouth I was before I met you, not anymore.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘I can’t take full credit for that, Sonny. There was nowhere to go but up.’ 

Sonny would say, ‘You’ve inspired me. The way you help others. The way you always do what’s right. The way you didn’t hesitate to put your ass on the line for this election. The way you took a lot of heat, but you still stood tall. I wanna do that too. Stand tall with you.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘Your delicate ass couldn’t handle the heat, Sonny.’

Sonny would say, ‘You helped me feel confident. Get over my issues. My insecurities. You helped me give up that false bravado crap and actually feel like I’m good enough.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘I don’t know, Sonny, you seemed pretty confident when we first met. I recall you trying to enlighten me on the complexities of criminally negligent homicide.’

Sonny would say, ‘You gave me a home. A place to turn to. A place where I can forget about all the pain we see every day. A place where I can feel happy. ‘Cause you’re there.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘I was practically forced to let you move in, Sonny. I got the message after you ‘forgot’ your fifth toothbrush at my apartment.’

Sonny would say, ‘You make me feel loved.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘That’s putting it a little strongly, Sonny, but if that’s what you want to call it, then fine.’

Sonny would say, ‘You make my life better. And I know I wanna spend the rest of it with you. Forever.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘Careful, Sonny. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were proposing.’

Sonny would say, ‘I  _am_ proposing.’

Sonny would say, ‘I love you, Rafi. Will you marry me?’

And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback.

Something like, ‘Yes.’

Sonny wasn’t sure if his imagination had truly captured Rafael’s sarcastic wit, but he figured the real proposal would play out in roughly the same way. If he was luck–

“Sonny, do you have a minute?”

Oh.

Sonny had been too busy thinking about Rafael to actually notice him, standing right there.

Not for the first time, either.

“I’m sorry, I can’t right now, Rafi, I’m busy. I’m waiting on some big news.”

Rafael smiled.

Rafael looked good. He was still on edge, but in a good way. Now that the polls had closed, now that it was out of his hands, Sonny could tell that Rafael’s nerves had been replaced by excitement. Excitement and relief, probably, because the ordeal was finally over, regardless of the outcome.

Sonny smiled too, and then he let Rafael lead the way to what appeared to be some kind of back office.

Timothy, of all people, grinned when he saw them leaving the main area.

“Don’t take too long, guys. I hear they’ll be announcing the results in the next few minutes. Also, FYI, the walls in this place are _very_ thin.”

Timothy actually winked at Sonny before walking way.

Sonny was amused by the fact everyone had become about 10 times nicer since the election had ended. All of Rafael’s campaign staff members had been smiling and chatting and having a good time for the past few hours, happy to be done, nothing betraying their anxiety. 

They weren’t that bad, Sonny realized. Not even Timothy. Maybe Sonny was affected by the overall cheerful mood, but he was beginning to reconsider some of his beliefs. Sonny was even entertaining the notion Timothy was actually nice, and just turned into an asshole during those high-pressure campaign periods.

Sonny understood that.

Sonny knew a thing or two about being under pressure. 

Speaking of pressure, just as Sonny was about to follow Rafael around a quiet corner, he saw Amanda looking right at him. She had spotted them, heading somewhere more private. 

Great.

Sonny couldn’t even feign surprise as he saw Amanda giving him a totally unsubtle thumbs up, as if to encourage him to propose. As if Sonny was really going to propose before the announcement of the results, in some random back office.

Wait.

What if he did?

That would solve all of Sonny’s problems.

Well, not the ‘unromantic setting’ problem, especially because, as Sonny was just now realizing, said back office was actually tiny and dark and cluttered. 

But it  _would_ solve all his other problems. Sonny wouldn’t have to worry about the result affecting the mood, either positively or negatively. He wouldn’t have to worry about waiting, or about not having an exact time frame for his proposal. 

Sonny  _would_ be hijacking the evening, yes, but that could be a good thing, especially if Rafael wound up losing. In that case, Rafael would still be happy because he’d still be marrying Sonny and that was what really mattered.

Right?

Almost as if Rafael had heard Sonny’s internal ramblings, he pulled Sonny in for a hug.

This.

This was what really mattered.

Sonny opened his arms and leaned in instinctively, ready to hold Rafael tight, like always.

Except Sonny came to an abrupt realization; if they were pressed too closely together, Rafael might actually feel the ring box in Sonny’s pants pocket.

Wait.

What if he did?

Maybe that could be Sonny’s segue into the proposal.

Maybe Sonny would say, ‘No, Rafi, I’m not happy to see you. That’s a ring in my pocket.’ And then he would wait for Rafael’s inevitable comeback, something like, ‘Sonny, you’re an idiot.’

In the end, Sonny just shifted his body a little and hoped Rafael wouldn’t notice.

Rafael didn’t notice.

Rafael was too busy happily nuzzling Sonny’s neck, relishing in the physical contact, in the proximity, in the isolation after 2 hours of awkward small talk with random coworkers in a crowded room.

Sonny took a deep breath and squeezed Rafael a little tighter.

“How does it feel to know you’re about to become the new Manhattan District Attorney, Rafi?”

Rafael chuckled.

“Ask Milton Mills.”

“Yeah, right. You’re gonna win. I know it.”

“You do? Who’s your source? My mother?”

Sonny snorted.

“Well, I trust her predictions more than I trust Timothy’s, that’s for sure.”

Rafael laughed and placed a small kiss on Sonny’s jaw.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Sonny. I know things have been tough. I know I haven’t been there for you, not the way I should have been. Not the way I wanted. But that all ends tonight. No matter what happens. Maybe I’ll have a new job, maybe I won’t. Doesn’t matter. Starting tomorrow, everything will be back to the way it was 6 months ago. You and me. Like we’ve always been. That’s all I want. I’m sorry.”

What?

Was Rafael beating himself up again?

“I thought we had put this stuff behind us, Rafi. You feeling guilty for no reason. You didn’t do anything wrong. You asked me, before you decided to run. We decided together. I signed up for this.”

Sonny felt Rafael’s sigh against his neck.

“For what? For 6 months of barely seeing me? For 6 months of snapping and nerves and tension and stress?”

Sonny took a step back, because he wanted to say this to Rafael’s face.

“I hate to break it to you, Rafi, but, by my count, it’s been 4 years and 7 months of snapping and nerves and tension and stress.”

Rafael smirked.

“Is that so? And why are you still here?”

Sonny smiled.

“Where else would I be?”

Rafael, now straight-faced, looked at Sonny.

Rafael put his hands on Sonny’s face, more solemn than ever.

“I don’t deserve you, Sonny.”

Rafael sounded like he believed that, at least on some level. Like the strain of this entire campaign had finally culminated in a classic Barba pity party.

Sonny wasn’t surprised.

Sonny wondered how the two of them had even managed to get together, to stay together, when half the time they felt they weren’t good enough.

Sonny kissed Rafael.

It was all he could think to do.

Well, not  _all._ Something else did cross his mind, too. 

Sonny almost popped the question, right then and there. Only reason he didn’t, was because he didn’t want to propose while Rafael was on a guilt trip.

Sonny didn’t want Rafael to think his proposal had been a hasty attempt at reassurance during a vulnerable moment.

Which, as Sonny was just now realizing, could also happen if Sonny proposed after Rafael’s potential defeat.

Oh well.

Sonny had a feeling he wouldn’t need to worry about that.

Sonny pulled away, and then leaned back in for one more kiss when he saw the way Rafael was looking at him.

It was that look again.

Love.

That ring was practically calling Sonny’s name.

But first, a hasty attempt at reassurance.

“I don’t know if you deserve me, Rafi, or if I deserve you. All I know is you’re stuck with me. And you got nothing to apologize about. Except hanging up on me while I was trying to have phone sex. I still haven’t forgiven you about that.”

Rafael smirked but, before he could respond, there was a knock on the door.

It was Timothy, who had a great knack for interrupting Sonny and Rafael at the most inopportune moments.

“They’re calling it!”

Oh.

Sonny had to admit, this was worth the interruption.

Barely.

Rafael took Sonny by the hand and led him back to the common area. Sonny attempted to retrieve his appendage, just in case he needed it to applaud and cheer later, but Rafael had other ideas.

Rafael held on to Sonny’s hand. Tight.

This time, they really  _were_ holding hands. Like teenagers. 

Sonny held on even tighter.

“… _And now, on to the race to determine the next democratic nominee for New York County District Attorney. We should remind our viewers that the winner of this race will be running unopposed in the upcoming general election, as the Republican Party traditionally does not back any candidates for the DA post in the borough of Manhattan. This result is, therefore, especially significant._

“ _With that in mind, we can confidently call that sitting Executive Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba will be claiming victory over his opponents, including erstwhile frontrunner Milton Mills, having secured well over 60 percent of the vote. In less than 2 months, Mr. Barba will be succeeding his boss and main champion, incumbent District Attorn–”_

That was all Sonny heard.

Right after that, the entire room erupted in cheers, and laughter, and even a few shrieks, and the volunteers all looked especially proud, which was kind of heartwarming, because they were just kids, and Timothy was literally jumping up and down, which was kind of hilarious, because he was a grown man, and Sonny was losing focus but Rafael’s fingers got his attention.

Rafael squeezed Sonny’s hand, until Sonny turned to face him.

“I love you, Sonny.”

Oh.

That was the first thing Rafael wanted to do after winning. Say ‘I love you’ to Sonny.

And the second thing, the second thing was to kiss Sonny.

Which Rafael was now doing.

In front of everybody.

Rafael was pressing his lips against Sonny’s, hard, and his eyes were open, just like Sonny’s eyes, and they were both grinning.

Happy.

Until Timothy separated them, as was his wont. 

Timothy dragged Rafael away; not to reprimand him for kissing Sonny like that, out in the open, but for a hug, apparently. Sonny couldn’t begrudge him that. Timothy had worked hard for this victory. And he was now smiling at Sonny, over Rafael’s shoulder.

Sonny smiled back.

Lucia was the next one to go for a hug. She embraced her son, and she caressed his cheek, and Rafael buried his face in his mother’s neck as she spoke quietly. Sonny didn’t have to hear her to know what she was saying. He tried not to stare, but it was hard. He just wanted to make sure Rafael would be okay w–

“You do it yet, Carisi?”

Rollins.

“Not so loud! I didn’t. Just... I’m gonna. I will.”

“Oh man. You’re gonna chicken out. I knew it.”

Sonny scoffed, until Amanda put her arms around him for a hug.

“Come here, Carisi. Congratulations, okay? I’m happy for you guys. For Barba winning the election, I mean. Not for th–”

“Come on!”

Amanda snickered as she pulled away.

By the time Sonny turned his attention back to the center of the room, Lucia had been replaced by Liv, who was now giving Rafael a hug. Correction; a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Correction; a hug, and a kiss on the cheek, and a comment which made Rafael’s smile even wider.

After Liv, all the interns and the volunteers surrounded Rafael, dying for a handshake. Those kids, the people who had worked the hardest for this campaign, they looked in awe of Rafael, which really put things into perspective.

Sonny, Lucia, Liv, Amanda, they were all happy for Rafael, the person. But those kids, they were happy for Rafael Barba; the fierce, inspirational prosecutor who had come from nothing and had still managed to become Manhattan’s newest District Attorney.

Sonny was so proud.

No one deserved it more.

Sonny kept grinning as he watched Rafael savoring it all. The praise, the fawning, the wishes.

Rafael looked so content. So unburdened. So smiley, his eyes all wrinkly and alive and happy. 

“Still got that ring, Carisi?”

What the…

Liv.

With Lucia in tow.

Sonny was pretty sure he at least attempted to smile, but he didn’t think it worked.

And then Amanda, who had overheard, because of course she had, joined their little party as well.

There Sonny stood, facing three formidable, meddling women who were a pain in his ass.

Story of his life.

At least Rafael was out of earshot. That was something.

“Guys, just... Let me enjoy the moment, alright?”

Lucia smiled sympathetically. Out of the three of them, she was probably the one who loved Sonny the most.

Or the only one who did, Sonny thought, but then he looked at Liv and Amanda, at the smiles on their faces, and he thought maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe there was a little room for him in their hearts, too.

Lucia patted Sonny on the arm.

“I told you before, Sonny. Do it whenever it feels right.”

Liv smirked.

“Tonight _would_ be great, though.”

Amanda stayed quiet. Sonny thanked God for small favors.

Sonny also thanked God for Rafael not letting any of his sisters attend the announcement. He couldn’t imagine having to face them, too.

That would have ended in tears.

Sonny’s tears.

Short of crying, Sonny was having trouble coming up with an appropriate response. He had just rejected ‘please leave me alone, you guys,’ as sounding a little too pathetic, when Timothy appeared.

For once, Timothy’s interruption came at a convenient time.

“Excuse me, we should get moving. Rafael will need to make a statement to the press, he’ll need to greet some of the people in the crowd gathered outside, take some pictures, be seen with his most ardent supporters, and then we can all go celebrate.

“I’ve made reservations at three restaurants, and Rafael said you should pick one, Mrs. Barba, so if you’ll come with me. We’ll need to choose and call the other two to cancel pretty soon. We don’t want any bad press tomorrow, about the Barba campaign’s misconduct on the night of our great victory.”

So much for not wanting to jinx it.

Unsurprisingly, Timothy’s rambling received blank stares. 

The awkwardness was palpable, but thankfully Rollins broke the silence.

“Alright, Carisi. We’ll be heading out now. You hang back here, wait for Barba. We’ll see you at the restaurant. Be good.”

Yep. There was definitely a little room in Amanda’s heart for Sonny.

Liv and Lucia smirked, but went along with it, probably taking pity on Sonny. All three women turned to Timothy, and he looked appropriately intimidated as he led them outside.

Slowly but steadily, everyone left. In the end, it was just Rafael in the room.

Rafael and Sonny.

Funny how that instantly made the place feel familiar.

Feel like home.

“You haven’t congratulated me yet, Sonny.”

Sonny grinned as he approached a smiling Rafael.

“You should be congratulating _me,_ Rafi. I’m dating the DA now, that’s huge. A total upgrade.”

Sonny thought this joke would have landed way better if he had said, ‘I’m  _marrying_ the DA,’ because that was the real upgrade, but he was a coward and what else was new.

Rafael chuckled all the same.

“Yes, Sonny. That _is_ huge. Congratulations. I’m very happy for you.”

Sonny gave Rafael a small kiss and then he began adjusting Rafael’s tie, Rafael’s vest, all askew from the celebrations.

“I’m proud of you, Rafi. For what you accomplished today. I’m just glad I didn’t hurt your chances. With our _scandalous_ affair. With you dating a dumb cop from Staten Island, instead of some, I don’t know, heart surgeon or something. Maybe the voters liked that you make bad decisions in your love life. Makes you relatable, you know?”

That joke didn’t land at  _all._

Rafael took hold of Sonny’s wrists, looking serious.

“You’re the best decision I ever made, Sonny.”

Sonny’s heart started pounding.

Again.

He didn’t think there could be a moment more romantic than this. Words, more romantic than this.

More true than this.

There was no doubt on Rafael’s face.

There was no doubt in Sonny’s heart, either.

The best decision Sonny had ever made was getting that ring.

The worst decision Sonny had ever made was to wait.

He could have done it already. He could have asked Rafael months ago. 

He could have asked Rafael years ago.

Sonny had always known.

Sonny could still ask. 

Right now.

Sonny could get down on one knee, because he was nothing if not a gentleman, and he c–

“You have any thoughts on what I said, Sonny? I’d go with, ‘You’re a pretty good decision yourself, Rafi,’ but feel free to improvise.”

Sonny grinned as he took Rafael’s hands in his.

Step one.

“I love you, Rafi.”

Rafael smiled. So warmly. So happily.

“That’s good too, I guess. A little generic.”

Sonny cracked up. He hadn’t seen  _that_ response coming, not to a declaration of love. His imaginary version of Rafael lacked bite, apparently. 

Anyway.

Now for step two.

Nothing was stopping Sonny.

He had the ring in his pocket, and he had Rafael in front of him, and they had the whole room to themselves, and they had approximately 30 reporters standing outside, waiting for a quote, and they had a small crowd of people already gathered out front, waiting for a photo op, and they had Timothy and Lucia just outside the door, trying to pick a restaurant, and they had a long night of celebrations ahead, filled with congratulatory phone calls from virtual strangers, and they had a long  _life_ ahead, together, a life which was about to change dramatically, and–

And this was not the time for major life decisions. Not so soon after Rafael had won the election. Not when he had so much on his plate. Not when there was still so much to do.

Sonny didn’t want Rafael to have to give a statement to the press 5 minutes after getting engaged, a tidbit to be shown for 8 seconds on the local news. 

Sonny didn’t want to share Rafael’s smile with the rest of the world, Rafael’s happiness as captured in random selfies with people they’d never met and would never see again.

Sonny didn’t want them to celebrate their engagement alongside Rafael’s campaign staff at some restaurant Timothy had picked.

Sonny didn’t want their upcoming nuptials to be announced right before the general election, touted by the media as the scandalous appendix to the already raunchy gossip about Rafael’s love life.

Sonny didn’t want to introduce more change, not on a night when so much had already changed.

Sonny wanted to be the constant in Rafael’s life, when everything else was shifting.

Rafael had even said as much, just minutes ago, but Sonny had been too distracted to pick up on it at the time. 

All Rafael wanted was for everything to go ‘back to the way it was 6 months ago’. Before the election, before all this upheaval, before Sonny’s imaginary proposal.

Rafael needed some stability after months of uncertainty. Rafael wanted the two of them, together, like they’d always been.

And that was what Sonny was going to give him.

For a little while, at least.

Still holding Rafael’s hands, Sonny leaned in for another kiss.

“I didn’t _decide_ to be with you, Rafi. I never had a choice. I was hopeless, from the moment I met you.”

Sonny felt Rafael’s fingers, tightening around his palms.

“You’re still hopeless, Sonny.”

This.

This smile.

Rafael’s smile. This was just for Sonny. No one else should get to see it.

“You’re hopeless, and you’re mine, and I get to take you home. Finally. No more pressure. No more change. You know, I’m going to need some time to recover. I still need to gain back some weight. You might have to cook for me again, Sonny. Take care of me, for a little while. While I let all this sink in.”

Sonny was more than willing to do that.

Sonny had made the right decision.

Sonny would just wait until the dust settled. Until his life with Rafael went back to normal. Until Rafael fell back into a nice routine. Until the stress brought on by this campaign was a thing of the past. Until they could focus on each other again, without that damn phone ringing and interrupting them all the time.

Sonny would just wait.

After all, it was only a matter of time. Sonny was going to marry Rafael. That was a given. So what if he postponed the proposal? ‘For a little while’? Sure, he’d have a hard time explaining himself to Lucia, and Amanda, and Liv, plus Bella would probably insist on keeping the ring at her house, this time, but the fact remained. Sonny would get around to asking, sooner or later.

Unless, and perhaps this was more likely, going by the way Rafael was looking at Sonny...

Unless Rafael asked him first.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at poipoi1912.tumblr.com!


End file.
